ok so about 9 months ago i started dating this guy named mike and we would last 3-4 months break up and get back together about 3 months ago we broke up and hardly talked for thoes three months but then about 2 weeks ago i started talking more to his sister cause shes pretty cool and then i startd talking to him again because this whole time we have been broken up hes all i can think about… well we made plans that after i worked saturday i would get picked up and go to mikes sisters house, kim, but then friday mike was […]
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my life
That seems to be a fairly frequent occurrence on this site in recent weeks. The vast majority of you probably have never seen my posts. The population of this board seems, with a few exceptions, to be very transitory.
In the last year and a half, I was known for being pretty positive on this site, feeling like I had made some significant progress and changes that were allowing me to turn a major corner in my battle with MDD. But, once again, I’ve run smack dab into a wall. This wall seems to be higher and thicker than before.
In just about 2.5 weeks (March 26 […]
I feel guilty for the way I feel. My life is good, most would call it easy and I have the nerve to be ungrateful. I try to put on a brave face but it’s so hard to pretend you’re okay when you’re not. It’s like every little thing someone says hurts me and digs in. It keeps burrowing under my skin building until I just can’t take it anymore and I know I don’t hide it that well but no one notices. I’ve tried to kill myself before and I take medication and I tell my mom that I just feel empty, but all […]
So, a year ago I had a laser treatment on my face which left scars. They’re not getting any better. And so many things have gone wrong since then. I wish I hadn’t done it. I thought I was getting over this, but in the past week I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot.
Yesterday I walked home and I wished there would be some madman waiting for me and throwing an axe through my chest. Then I stayed up all night browsing humor sites just to keep myself preoccupied. When I finally went to sleep near morning, the only thing that calmed me was the […]
tust thinking… Yesterday I had a big conversation with two friends about all what’s going on in my life. It really felt so comforting to talk honestly about my feelings. And I thought about coming out to them, but I just couldn’t.
They’re two of my newest friends. In fact, I still find hard to call them friends, not because of how I feel to them, but because I think they may not see me as one. But they act like really good friends, so maybe I should just stop over thinking things.
It should be easy. They’re open-minded people, I’m too. My old friends know it. […]
All my life people always tell me that I am so strong. But I’m not. I’m not strong at all. I’ve just been through a lot of things and I’m still here. Just because I’m a survivor doesn’t mean I’m strong. People always tell me that I can handle anything, that I’m “superhuman.” It’s stupid…No one is superhuman. Just because I’ve gone through things and keep on going doesn’t mean I’m strong. It means I don’t look back. I just keep moving forward, but sometimes I question why. Why should I move forward? For what purpose?
Most would say I have a good life. I have […]
I figured I’d see if there were 101 reasons why we’re no longer friends, trying to counter the other post. Psychiatrist says I need a more balanced view of things, so here goes…
1) Me
2) Physically we’re so different.
3) You said you could never be friends with someone as vile as me. Why did I ever forgive that?
4) You are so comfortable with who you are…
5)… I will never be comfortable with who/ what I am.
6) We argued so much.
7) We’re both childish, me more so.
8) I was in a horrible place in my life when we first met.
9) You remind me too much of him.
10) […]
what’s the point anymore? it’s not like anything will get better, might as well just leave the world. Being in care is starting to hurt me physically and mentally, maybe i should either take the leap to end my life or maybe i should just end up going to different care homes every year or month, i cant even handle my emotions in this home, i dont fit in i’m not appart of their family and never will be, should i just end it? Please someone help me i’m asking for your help please i’m begging
I don’t know what to do with my life. My life is so monotone. I go to university everyday, I don’t even know what would I do with all stuff I learn in university. I go to university everyday, I attend the class then go home straight away. I go to university everyday, but I don’t have any friend. I go to university everyday, but I don’t know what will I do after I graduate.
I love looking above the sky, seeing the clouds moving and changing shapes. I love looking above the sky, seeing the sun shines brightly. I love looking above the sky, thinking […]
To me there’s a difference in self harming and actually wanting to dir. I’m no coward. Like I’ve said. I won’t end my life bc I don’t want my remainging family to live with the fact that they didn’t listen. Knowing what I’m capable of. And knowing I’m not afraid. They still go about.
I want to die so bad. And I think in all honesty this would be fair to me. But as you see I can for these fuckers around me who don’t care about me. Selfless. Fuck… I cut deep and watch the blood run out. I feel alone..and dead already its so […]
So, to make this simple, i fucking hate myself. I am not (and will never be) content with who i am. Nothing is actually wrong with me, i would just thoroughly enjoy killing myself. I am only posting this to relieve myself of hatred, or at least attempt to. I don’t care for sympathy. I do not want help. Nothing will ever stop these thoughts, no matter what anyone tells you. I have more friends in my head than i do in real life, simply because we share the same interests; death. The absolute ONE reason i am still alive is my boyfriend. I don’t […]
basically my life is hopeless no matter any situation, I’m always the one in the back corner by myself. I don’t want to live, I’ve been on and off suicidal for 2 years now, not one person in my family knows I am suicidal, and that I tied a noose and put it around my neck ready to jump one night. No one knows. Even in this moment I type, I want to stab myself in the throat every waking moment.
I just wanted to tell someone finally. Get it out after so long.
My wife came and stayed with me last night. And brought one of our kids. I missed her. We lived together. Then we were separated due to her fake beatfriend/roomate giving her altimatums on me being there. Today is the fifth day we’ve been living apart. Last night went great. Of course we bickered about what has been going on and stuff sence I’ve been gone the house isn’t a home . its been turned into a frat house. She promises to have me back home soon. She promises to have me back in her arms. In our bed with our pup and our normal […]
Perhaps it was the ghostly feel of it all as I walked the streets. Perhaps it was the guy who had the sign “help I’ve disappeared”. I looked in the mirror once again. The traffic, the people, the buildings all belonged in a different dimension. I was in a dream, I was in a nightmare, I was in my life. Hello, I said but was ignored. Don’t they know I’m here, scream, you must scream. Scurry, scurry, they can’t feel you but you want their attention. Couples walk hand and hand, a man smokes a joint, another person screams at everyone and everything – she […]
Every single time I push myself towards doing it thats all I can think of…and my teacher wonders why he has to chastise me for taking so long to get started on it…
But this is what I chose…out of all the things I could be, I chose what I liked best, and its enough to drive me to the point of suicide…
I either need to start working or bite the bullet already…but oh no, those aren’t the two only choices obviously…there are never two choices; I could try and join the military again, if they’d take some suicidal person like me who has scars on […]
Six months ago – In August 2014, I was perhaps happier than I’ve ever been and fulfilling a number of long-held dreams. I’m 45 years old and have a beautiful wife and daughter. I had been through some tough times before – nothing major – made some sacrifices and got through by focussing on the future. I was in the process of completing some big changes in my life that I had worked long and hard for.
Unexpectedly, a perfect storm of mostly random events and coincidences triggered a tidal wave of panic in me. Before I realized what was happening, I threw away a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that […]
I have been visiting this site for a couple months now, never registering and just using it as a tool to feel relatable to someone..anyone anymore. Though I didn’t post, I came to know a lot of the regulars through their posts and took solace vicariously, as the problems others listed with depression mimicked mine. Anyway…
The depression I’ve spun into has become worse. I had a long term relationship (7 years) end and a lot of it was my fault. I had everything I wanted once and I squandered it. To make matters worse, booze and drugs had become my outlet to cope. This would […]
I am wondering if there is a link between Asperger’s and autoerotic asphyxia? Considering that AEA is not talked about nearly often enough, it is difficult and frustrating to come up with a determination? I get a feeling that a high percentage of people who have died from AEA had Asperger’s or were on the autism spectrum? Based on their profile, they were creative and had rather high IQs.
Even though a lot of people who are into AEA have Asperger’s, there are very few people with Asperger’s who are into AEA, however many people with Asperger’s feel awkward in social situations, have a difficult time […]
I’ve built my life on trust… confiding in people, caring for them, loving them. And today I’ve realised most, if not all, have broken my trust in the last few weeks, when I needed them most. I’m doubting whether or not people are worth it… Is trust really not worth it?
I’ve never really had any sense of direction with my life. I think about the future quite often, but I don’t see myself in it. I never have. I don’t see myself doing any job or having children or getting married or living anywhere. I just don’t see it. I’m 23 and that’s still young, but most people have an idea of what they want to do with their life… I just don’t. I think I am destined to commit suicide. I feel like that’s my purpose in life. Does anyone else feel this way or think this could be my purpose ?