For as long as I remember I was frightened. I feared other people as I wasn’t nearly as good as any of them. Then I joined the military and I was more scared. But then I started drinking and the fear left me. Being gay in a straight world (and a drunk) is not healthy. I was very frightened others would find out I was gay. My gay relationships were few – with occasional encounters – and after each encounter I feared people would know and I would have to leave the military. I never talked about my sexuality. Then through my alcohol addiction and a “disastrous” night I was […]
Tag:
Navy
Hey, my name is Jack.
today has been a pretty shit day, just like every other day I guess. In year 7 is when it all started, my dad stopped being my dad.
Dad was working in the Air Force and previously worked in the navy for years, so he is a respectable man. Although while i was in year 7, he got discharged from the air force for injuring his knee and neck. Now I’m 18, I finished school last year, I hated school. I hated the teacher, I hated the education, i hated the school in general. Everyone is so stupid, i honestly felt like one of the smartest people in the […]
I do not know really how long I have been coming here to this website. The archive only goes back to Tuesday Feb 1st, 2011.. I have read a good lot here, I have read a lot of peoples stories. Some are very interesting, some are rather not. I may have posted things here, not quite clear. I don’t think so.
I am a 38 year old man. I turn 39 this May. I doubt I will make it to 40 regardless. I first started in therapy when I was 20 or so, I was still in the Navy then, it was a Navy psychiatrist. I […]
Officially today, 17JAN13, I am out of the Navy. Medically discharged due to two suicide attempts while on deployment.
I don’t really have much of a plan now, except go home, achieve my goal of becoming stunningly beautiful, and either A) do a lot of drugs and ‘accidentally’ OD again or B) get hit by a semi truck.
Let’s see. 4 years. 4 years ago was the first time I took a blade to my own wrist. And now here I am, barely a teenager and I want to die for the millionth time. Whenever something bad happens I automatically think; “let’s save that for later, you can rid the tainted blood with one trip to your special drawer”. But sometimes, sometimes it isn’t enough. Sometimes I just have a thousand thoughts running through my head, all of the bad things that have happened and keep happening. Hey, your antidepressants make you cold all the fucking time. Your dad is never here and […]
No matter what I do, or how many resumes I send off or hand out I get nothing back.
I had one interview since I quit my last job two months ago, the lady pretty munched offered me a job during the interview! But of course she wanted to talk to my refereences ha ah ha, fuck.
It was only on Friday though so hopefully she calls by the end of this week.
I don’t know what else I can do.
I’m hopeless and unemployable because I have no skills or talents.
I mean, I could loose weight and try to do boy magazines but […]
I was doing very well. I applied to join the Navy, took the tests and aced them. Got told I had about a 2 year wait, ok, that’s fine. I knew that I’d fail the medical if I didn’t get off my meds soon, so I told my doctor that I wanted out because I was feeling better, and I WAS.
This was about a month ago, I suppose, although I’m not sure. Time doesn’t seem to move in the same way anymore. I’ve been driving people away, I’ve been called “inappropriate”, “offensive”… “a drunk”… I tell myself that I’ve always been the type of […]
I don’t feel comfortable talking about my life, even behind a veil of anonymity. Not yet any way, But after a long road i’m now living with my Girlfriend, going on 2 weeks now. We’ve been together 10 months. 10 months of only seeing each other every other weekend, so its a nice change.
I thought i got over this a while ago, after 3 attempts and a long spiral everything seemed to be looking up. i joined the Navy(Â i was later separated because I “might” have ADD( their words not mine) i at least tried, which is much more than many others can say. […]