i am inexplicably tired of everything in my life right now. i am tired of everyone depending on me to be there for them, shouting their problems to me, as if i am strong enough to carry all of their weight plus mine. i am tired of old memories coming back to haunt me and the fear i feel, i am tired of the realness of all of my feelings and thoughts. i am tired of keeping everything about my identity a secret to those who “love” me. i am tired of the overwhelming feelings of loneliness i feel at night as if no one […]
I’m not sure it I’m convinced that
nothing good will ever happen to
me or maybe I don’t deserve
what ever I do have I feel like I
can’t even do nothing without
being punished and I don’t know
y I wish I had the balls 2 do what
I think about almost every night.
I’m not going to proof read this bcoz I don’t like reading my thoughts.
Im horrible Im a fucking *****,When im in public I act like a wretched *****,I make faces and im rude and have somehow some way (probably through using crystal meth) mastered the art of “igorning” people without even saying a word Please forgive Im horrible and I have problems I have fucking problems
I hate my life
Im fucked up,Im wrong
world im sorry im fucking horrible dude
Ive started hearing voices again at night, without any real cause. They whisper my name and other little things to hushed to really make out. Its still taunting though, always enough to catch my attention and startle me. I really hate it. It makes me question what reality is, whose really there…I know its all in my head but its so hard to ignore. So hard to push away.
They keep trying to get me to do things. I cant function anymore…i cant be social anymore. I hate even stepping out of the house. I dont even feel safe when i sleep. What is actual sleep […]
I guess everybody has been in a situation where they didn’t know what to do. I have been in many, too. But this is something only you, people who are going through similar things, can help me with.
This post isn’t going to be about me, but about my aunt. My aunt has lost her son (my cousin) 2 years and 7 months ago if I’m counting correctly. He was only 17 years old at the time and he killed himself one night, somewhat out of the blue. The whole situation and his full reasons are a mystery – he didn’t leave any suicide note, he […]
I don’t understand why I’m so freaking depressed. It actually frustrates me so much how ungrateful I am of all the good people, opportunities that are surrounding me. I am a physically healthy teenager, not bullied (just teased a bit by friends), surroundef by an amazing support system (family), an average student with B grades, etc.
Yet I always find myself at night trying to or contemplating suicide. It’s like clockwork; I can’t sleep so I just think to myself. One second I’m thinking about all my ideas for summer, and the next second I find myself thinking about stabbing my chest with a steak knife.
Before […]
Im thinking of where it should end…
A mountain?
A forest?
A beach?
A lake?
Back where it all began or somewhere totally new?
Rain or sun?
Day or night?
Swift or after one final time of reflection on what was what could have been and what will never be?
Thoughts?
i havent been commenting much lately. im sorry for that. you guys mean the world to me. but how can i help anyone else if i cant help myself? if i make it through the night, ill be back tomorrow, but as it stands right now, i just dont know. i dont fucking know. i do know that im terrified of whats next. im scared of an afterlife. but damn.. anything is better than this
I’m about to give up. I don’t understand why this world hates me so much. Nothing I do is right. Nothing I do is good enough. I do everything for everyone and what I get in return is abuse and lies and manipulation. I cry myself to sleep every night. If I make the smallest mistake I get my food taken away for a whole week. I honestly don’t see why I even bother because no one wants me on this Earth so I might as well go someplace happy. Not like anyone would care anyways.
Theres this nonstop pounding in my head. I still haven’t found away to slow my thoughts. I just bleed them out onto a piece of paper, but still I’m overflowing. Craving silence, but I don’t know if I will ever find that. I’d kill for someone to hold me and lie to me. Tell me I’m okay. Tell me I haven’t completely lost it. Tell me anything but the truth. I’m not ready to fall yet, but this whirling and buzzing is dizzying. I just want to feel safe. I want to let go of my fear and paranoia. If only it could be that […]
Lightning strikes on a summer night
The August heat makes way for a storm
With screams of agony and gasps of fright
There came an odd and terrible form
“It’s a girl!”
The doctor said with a grin
But they all knew the evil within
A child born in the midst of sin
“What happens to her if he breaks again?”
End the world
She was loved and cherished
But they always knew
The good would parish
If he didn’t stay true
What a man
He could never really understand
What would […]
I’ve got nothing left to live for. Everything I had I gave up for wanting something I really believed in, now that too is gone. I cannot continue living in this depression. I’ve tried sleeping pills last week but only woke up two days later, feeling like more of a failure for not even being able to kill myself. Cutting is not an option. I was thinking of driving out to the beach at night, taking another dose of sleeping tablets and then going into the water once I feel the effect thereof. I cannot keep breathing in this miserable existence any longer
waiting for the next rainy night…
I write stories to cope with depression and suicidal feelings (see my post “dream”). Here’s one of them.
Some days it’s bleak. It’s hopeless, and hurting, and she can’t erase that numbing, painful, hard-to-swallow ache in her chest. And on other days she’s bright and shining and happy.
No one believes her.
Sometimes she doesn’t even believe herself.
“How can she be depressed,” people say, “when she’s so happy all the time?”
How can she be suicidal when she wears her beautifully crafted mask?
She remembered how people reacted when she was first admitted for a psych consult. There had been outrage from her family, who didn’t believe it for a […]
Anyone else noticing all of the newer people with amazing taste in music? 40 days. ICantDrownMyDemons. Sickfromthemelt. Yeah. You guys are fucking awesome. Just putting that out there.
It’s been a rough night. My anxieties are getting the best of me again and I’m not sure how to handle it. Work sucked. But Friday nights always do. I don’t know what’s eating me today. Will someone please buy me food and tell me I’m pretty? >_<
I could really use some help. Lately I’ve been unable to sleep normally and I can’t stop freaking out over the littlest things in my life. I have to go outside and do something constantly or I get really anxious and want to scream. I can’t sleep at night because it feels like I have enough adrenaline in my body to kill a bull. I also feel lonely constantly because my two best friend (who are dating one another) are either busy, together, or in another state like my female best friend will be for a bit. So I’m going to be alone for the […]
Here I sat on a bench on a lonely night. The city is busy as it always is, millions of people going through their daily lives. Young couples walking hand in hand through. Others like me walking in solitude, sounds of a festival of some sort sounding in the distance. The stars shining their strange otherworldly glow, a perfect sight to behold. Too bad it’s spent in lonliness I thought to myself. And then she came to me, as I laid eyes on her face, I was mesmerized. Love at first sight, she asked my name and I told her. Then she said, I’m Maria, […]
Lyrics:
Maybe loneliness isn’t what I thought it was.
Because I’ve been alone a lot lately
And it’s brought upon me a new kind of sadness
And depression I’ve never felt before.
It’s comforting sadness and I don’t want to let go of it.
This newly discovered sadness is becoming my identity.
This sadness.
I went on a drive the other night and instead of writing like usual,
I just yelled every word that touched my lips.
I asked God who I was talking to
But I guess it was Him the whole time.
I don’t remember anything I said that night but I wish I did
broken down
all i hear is your voice
no one to care
nobody there
broken down
noise trauma, battered brain
no one to hear, i am rage filled/insane
can’t take anymore
of this cruel ass life
pain, trauma, false guilt, strife
voices viciously attack me day and night
god’s love? surely you jest?
sick ************ putting us to a tormenting test
tired, insane
soon blow out my brain
nice knowing you
glad you could destroy
your own
daughter
I can’t sleep until like one o’clock anymore because I don’t know. I just stay up at night with all of this energy and I feel like I need to go fight somebody or run a few miles. I can’t though. I have to stay at home and try and sleep. It happens during the day too, I’ll just feel cooped up and I have to do something, anything at all to get rid of the energy. I’ve literally never had problems like this before and now it won’t stop. I get angry for no reason and I start to freak out and all sorts […]