I don’t understand why I’m so freaking depressed. It actually frustrates me so much how ungrateful I am of all the good people, opportunities that are surrounding me. I am a physically healthy teenager, not bullied (just teased a bit by friends), surroundef by an amazing support system (family), an average student with B grades, etc.
Yet I always find myself at night trying to or contemplating suicide. It’s like clockwork; I can’t sleep so I just think to myself. One second I’m thinking about all my ideas for summer, and the next second I find myself thinking about stabbing my chest with a steak knife.
Before my depression got really bad, I I did make an attempt to commit suicide. I slashed my vein and tried to bleed to death until I woke up, realized what I did to myself and got scared of dying.
I honestly don’t think I actually want to die but I have this hunger-like desire to hurt myself close to death, only at night
Sometimes I get so scared of my own thoughts that I start hyperventilating and go into a panic/anxiety attack (not exactly sure what the difference is).
I’m currently taking Noritren (transitioned from 20mg Paxil) twice a day and 5mg Levomepromazine (Hirnamin) at night.
Is anyone in a situation like mine? If you have anything that could help me, tips, suggestions, possible solutions, similar experience, please leave a comment.