When you constantly think about suicide you start to recognize the signs of others who are thinking about it. You notice they mimic some of the things you do. When you’re thinking about self harm and you tug at your sleeves and close your eyes to try and stop thinking about letting blood come from your arms. Or when you play with your necklace trying not to think of it as a noose. You notice when others cringe and close their eyes. When they hold back their tears because no one really cares about what’s going on. We notice but we never really try to […]
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no one
It’s hard to stay alive when you have nothing to live for. When the person you loved the most left and now you have no one by your side. You want to have a chance but you’re scared it won’t work. You’re scared to let go and that’s when you start to build walls around you; to protect yourself from others. You can never be the same again and it’s hard. Hard knowing that the person you were back then won’t come back.
Am I okay? I don’t know. I feel lost and alone. I have people who love me but they could never understand what […]
So I stumbled across this site on one of my darkened days. I haven’t slept, ate, or drank anything in two days. My world came crashing down the day I found my mother outside dead from a shot gun to the chest. At first I was in shock, never saw that coming in a million years. my momma was the type of person who loved life, cherished every moment of it. but just like that, she decided she couldn’t take the pain away. she left me, alone, in this world with nothing and no one. I cant bare this pain that I’ve been going through, […]
I sit alone crying and afraid to be hurt in the next minute. Then, it hits me. No one likes me, no one helps me, NO ONE F***ING CARES NOR WANTS ME. WHY BOT JUST END IT! WHY WONT I DO IT! I WANT IT!
Riding a bicycle into traffic. No one but me would ever know it was not an accident. But I would not be around to tell. Will I do it? Probably never. But with life going to crap so much recently, I have been thinking about it a lot.
it’s kind of strange how and when you realize there’s something wrong with you. i haven’t really thought there’s anything wrong with thinking about death – i’ve been thinking about it for, what, the last three years now? it was almost like an unconscious epiphany that hadn’t hit me until, a few months ago, i stopped and just thought about it: what classifies as depression? what classifies as suicidal?
and for the longest time, i did not only believe, but i was convinced that i’m completely alright.
sometimes, i’d be trying to sleep at night, and i would think of how it would feel to hang myself. […]
I have no one to talk to about this. My mother has d.i.d. I have known this for years, she’s been on meds, therapy, whatever.
I have never “seen” her like this. Delusional, i think she thinks we’re talking in person, IN AN EMAIL. She has told me they are increasing her meds. I can’t talk to her about this, because idk if she knows whats going on in the real world. I am 2500 miles away and would really appreciate some feedback. I have two emails I need an outsiders opinion.
This was totally not specific enough. […]
I fully give up in finding housing. There’s absolutely no place for me in this world. I’m completely fucking useless and a throw away of society with a computer degree, (almost) film degree, and IQ of 137. It all means nothing. Homeless and transgender, physical disabilities and failing health due to homelessness and lack of sleep. No one gives a fuck and there is no help. No one wants to live with someone obese. No one wants to live with someone over the age of 30. No one will rent to someone with bad credit. No one will rent to someone who’s background check produces […]
I hate that I have to struggle to find reasons to get out of bed to pretend to be human. I’ve had so many traumatic experiences and have lost someone I love and every day is the same I’m always alone. The thing about suicide is it feels like I should stop wasting my time with a miserable humiliating life that no one would want. I often wonder if I’m genetically inferior because I’ve always gotten sick easily and have had depression since I was 11. I was supposed to die when I was born and I wonder if I’m being punished for still being […]
I have a heart disease since 2012 my life changed since I went to doctor. I love foot ball but he told me that I mustn’t touch a ball anymore or do any sports that exhaust me because I will die so after that I watched my friends do every thing they want except me. I accept that but in 2014 days passes and I cant sleep it was painful my heart very hurting me until now. I completed my high school this year. but my friends hate me they don’t say but they don’t want me to go out with them and when I […]
So, some trivial shit happened about an hour ago:
*Nephew pulls pins out of board, I lose my shit and pick them all up*
Me: Mom, where do we keep the pins?
Mom: How about, instead o-
Me: Uh, I just want t-
Mom: YOU’RE JUST LIKE YOU BROTHER… AND YOUR FATHER!!!
Me: Mom, I just want to know where-
Mom: WHY, YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!!!
At this point, no one would tell me where to leave them, so I just left them on the table, my sister comes into my room, throws them all over my bed, and yells at me for leaving pins where […]
There is a boy,
inside he is sad,
he keeps it bottled in,
and this makes him mad.
Why cant the world see,
the pain that makes him be,
no one to understand him,
he wants to be set free.
The world is not right,
and his mind just collides,
theres no disfinct reason,
for why he burns inside.
Nothing to him is clear,
he sheds but a single tear,
it trickles down hs face,
over his cheek a moderate pace.
It falls through nothingness,
the nothingness he feels,
to hit the ground,thud,
with that tear, he disappeared.
So I experienced a massive cardiac episode two years ago last May. My arteries in my chest literally tore themselves apart. I was on the table for ten hours, I was cliniy dead for half an hour during that time, no brain activity, no machine, 42deg and dead.
It was nice, I have had major depression for more than ten years. I have horrible paranoia of my wife who is 2000 miles away and I can’t control these horrible emotional outbursts anymore. I am a horrible person sometimes and I can only sit in the back of my head and watch the pain it causes.
I am […]
I’m staring at the new cut on my upper arm, and I’m numb. I’ve just finished writing a text so someone I thought I could trust, who chose a guy over my friendship, and I’m numb. I just dropped one of my courses, because I couldn’t handle a full-time course load, and I’m numb. Maybe I’ll never feel again. Or maybe tonight will be the night, and I won’t have to worry about the fact that my SSI will be there and gone on the 1st. Well, really, either way I’d never feel again. I think I’m out of […]
Why do I have to feel this way everyday. I’m so sick and tired of crying. I have no one to talk to. They’re all using me. This is my only way to let my feelings out. I don’t think I should hold them in anymore. But I don’t want to be here. I miss my grandma. I don’t want to be alone anymore.
I’m so tired of being me, of being myself and not being able to get away from this monster. I want to change everything about myself, i want to become a new person, a better person. But no matter how hard i try everything gets ruined again, and i have no energy left to try anymore. I just want to end everything but i know i cant and that makes things so much harder. I just wanted to get that out somewhere as i have no one to tell… I’m so ready to give up.
I can’t take it guys…. I can’t do it…. I’m so low right now.. Everyone is out and having fun and enjoying themselves without me and I’m sure no one will even notice that I’m not there, just like if I died. No one would notice that I wasn’t there. Maybe I would be a sad story to tell your children ten years from now about mental illness or what happens when people aren’t loved. Maybe those that I know will cry for a day, maybe they’ll mourn for a week.. And then it’ll be over and people will forget, slowly or quickly. Everyone will […]
Young. Black. College educated. Woman.
There is no hope for me. There is no help for me. I feel an immense sense of inadequacy. I feel like a burden on the world. I feel burdened by the world.
And I want to kill myself? I consider death often, I’m not sure if I fear it or welcome it. Maybe a bit of both. Am I trapped?
There’s deep stigma around mental health issues in the black community. So I have no one to turn to without being chastised about my moral weakness and lack of willpower. Which is why I’m here.
Should I die now? Do I deserve to […]
I grew up with a father who has never been happy, has always been depressed and we as kids were always trying to find out ways to make him happy. Nothing ever did. And that hurt us as kids not knowing that it was not us making him unhappy, that that was just her state of being and there was nothing that we could do to bring him out of that funk. Eventually I know that is what killed him, you can’t live and thrive with that kind of sadness and depression in your life all of the time. There is no one who could […]
About two months ago my girlfriend broke up with me, we ended on good terms well in her eyes.. I was destroyed, I thought she was cheating on me because 4 days before she did it she went to hang out with her friend who had a huge crush on her, of what I wasn’t to happy, mainly because it was only going to be them.. She then never said good night or anything she would just disappear, anyway, one of the last things she promised me is that she would never get back with my best friend because he treated her like shit, when […]