I’ve stopped taking my meds in hopes of bringing back all the shittiness and to maybe store meds for if I ever decide to kill myself and I tell myself that it’s better than feeling numb but I honestly just hate myself and I feel so uncomfortable unless my chest is bound and I don’t know why. but I just wanna fucking die. I’m so tired and I hate myself and I can’t find the energy to do anything and I can’t reach out to anyone and my mom won’t stop preaching about god and I’m all alone and fuck. I really just wanna die. […]
Lyrics:
Everyday nothing seems to change
Everywhere I go I keep seeing the same old things
and I, I can’t take it no more
I would leave this town, but I,
I ain’t got nowhere else to go
–
Wake up in the morning to more,
more bad news and I
sometimes I feel like I was born to lose and I,
It’s driving me out of my mind
Gonna catch the next train and I
move on down the line
–
I’ll be ready now
I’ll be […]
Lyrics:
Ah, look at all the lonely people…
Ah, look at all the lonely people…
–
Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice
In the church where a wedding has been,
Lives in a dream…
Waits at the window, wearing the face
That she keeps in a jar by the door,
Who is it for…
–
All the lonely people,
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people,
Where do they all belong?
–
Father McKenzie writing the words
Of a sermon that no one will hear,
No one comes near…
Look at him working, darning his socks
In the night when there’s nobody there,
What does he care…
–
All the lonely […]
Miguel De Unamuno – An Eternal Elegy
Oh Time, Time,
relentless tyrant!
Oh terrible mystery!
The past does not return,
it never comes back again,
ancient history!
Yes, ancient, but always the same,
terrifying!
Always present…
. . . . . . . . . . . .
When consciousness is deprived
of the passage of time,
what is it that remains?
What happens to light if the mirror is broken?
. . . . . . . . . . . .
Fierce Saturn,
oh […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uok_CWwIWAo
This poem is based on the ancient Greek epic poem Odyssey, which is attributed to the legendary author Homer. Quick summary of the Odyssey: there was a war between the ancient Greeks and the Trojans (Troy was – and still is – located at nowadays North-western Turkey), the Greeks laid siege on the city of Troy for 10 years and they destroyed it (there’s another ancient epic poem, Aeneid by the Roman author Virgil, that picks up the story after the destruction of Troy, but let’s stick to Homer’s Odyssey for now). After that, one of the Greek kings named Odysseus (in Latin: Ulysses) set out for Ithaka, his […]
Muerte (Death)
To die to sleep… to sleep… perchance to dream.
(Hamlet, act iii, scene iv)
You are the dream of a God; when you awake
will you return to the womb where you were born?
Will you then be what you were before?
Will your death be a new birth?
–
Is this dream absent during wakefulness?
Luckily here the mystery assists us;
as a remedy of our sad life
our fate remains an inviolable secret.
–
Let your future remain hidden under the fog
and walk calmly […]
Vincent Willem van Gogh – July 29, 1890
https://www.vincentvangogh.org
http://www.vggallery.com/painting/p_0612.htm
http://www.vggallery.com/painting/p_0779.htm
Wouldn’t it be better if everyone of us could live in his/her own unique madness?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7YEVP4r2ok
Lyrics:
Leave the madman in his madness
And don’t try to bring him to his senses
You don’t know what is hidden
Inside the mind of a madman
–
He might find in his madness
Everything he has desired
And wasn’t able
To see and to obtain
–
Leave the madman in his madness
Leave him in his dream
He’s been sick and tired of this world
And he created one of his own
Will the doors of our perception ever be cleansed?
I can’t go on anymore! I feel I’ve reached the end of my road! I’m sitting here all alone wondering where it all went wrong.
37 years old and I feel so Worthless & Totally fed up with life! I just don’t see the point anymore! Why do I still continue to try, when it gets me Absolutely No where!! Everyday is So Freaking hard, & I’m still struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel! Why you ask? Well, the last 37 years of my life have been absolute hell here on earth! I don’t have anything left inside. I pray for […]
Reality is boring, Humanity/Mankind must move beyond money & politics for real progress.
Although technology have been progressing rapidly nowadays, yet sadly in many aspects, Humanity/Mankind/Society still have slow progress; Everyday is still the same day & problems over and over again repeatedly.
I believe that in order to make a real progress for Humanity / Mankind, we must quickly focus & do the followings:
1) We must move beyond money & politics. It is outdated. A lot of problems in this world today basically stems from these two root causes (& also superstitions especially in religion, as well as in Ignorance & Stupidity due to failure in […]
”Only optimists commit suicide, optimists who no longer succeed at being optimists. The others, having no reason to live, why would they have any to die?”
Emil Cioran
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmvRMVMrzA4
I woke up this morning,went to the kitchen and made a coffee.I sat in front of my pc and I started watching videos on youtube,smoking and trying to kill time.Most of the time I wasn’t paying any attention to these videos.I was thinking.Thinking about my life and the world.
I spent most of my life in this empty house (I’ve been living here since I left my parents’ house when I was 20 years old).Alone.I haven’t got any purpose or any goals to reach.I’ve saved some money,so I don’t have to work for now.But I know that I’ll have to find a job.Working is a nightmare.I […]
Honestly, I just can’t understand nor fathom why Most / Majority of people can go watch movies, read cool, creative, imaginative books / novels / anime / comics, or play super imaginative & fantasy video games, and then later on they just go back to reality, as if nothing happens, and they’re ok with everything.
I hate to say this, but Most people simply just lack Imaginations. Even worse, Most people are boring. All people care in the everyday’s reality & their lives is just the most superficial, mundane, boring, & stupid things. Which is very depressing, especially when you feel like you’re just alone & […]
I spend a lot of time looking back. Especially recently.
Aged 9. Started self harming.
Aged 10. Tried to throw myself out of the window (several times).
Aged 11. Couldn’t understand why I was the way I was. What was wrong with me.
Aged 12. Distractions. Life. I wasn’t any better, but things kept moving.
Aged 13. Minor improvements. Self acceptance.
Aged 14. Good. Not great, but good. Acceptance. Progress. Self medicating through reading.
and life continued much the same until last year. Not good. Not bad. Clear head at least.
I met someone. We’ll call him Oscar. Or O.
He was amazing. A recovering alcoholic, who’d been driven to drink by the desire […]
I’ve been wanting to go back home since the first night i spent here. Back then i thought we’d bought a ticket for me to go back after around six months, so i wasn’t all that worried. Though my mum told me in January we got a one way ticket. I was a bit upset, but thought, “i’ll just have to get through it and then i’ll go back”. But now, going back has been written down as probably the biggest failure. There’s such high expectations that i simply cannot meet. Everyone asks me what i want to do and why didn’t i think about […]
Virtual Reality ( VR ) , Artificial Intelligence ( AI ) , Transhumanist / Transhumanism , space travel , mutations : to escape this boring reality , boring real world , boring real life !
Human’s imagination is better than reality !
Movie / Movies is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Game / Games is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Comic / Comics book is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Novel / Novels is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Science fiction ( sci-fi […]
i almost hate everything. and i’m most dissatisfied with all things.
but i had some frozen yogurt today with my two friends and it was the first day of school. i dislike being so young and feeling this way—everyone says you shouldn’t have to feel this way at such a young age?
but i realized after i sat down with the two of them and was looking forward to enjoy a small bowl of frozen yogurt, i had immediately thought that i’d rather be in my bed listening to some vast silence that i’ve come to love.
everyone was so nice and so kind and so was i. […]
tonight when i arrived from work, i was welcomed by silence and lights out, which meant everyone was asleep. i was not surprised, considering i just got here and it’s 11:10 pm. even though i understand why they’re asleep, considering it’s a Tuesday night, i still know that deep down i wish they were waiting for me. but they don’t care that much, and i understand that. i’ve felt very anxious all day, and i don’t know why, considering last night i tried to get more sleep than usual. it’s weird. speaking of weird; today is the birthday of an old friend of mine. she […]
i just got home from working, and it’s 11pm. normally, my brother waits for his wife to get home and then go to bed, but i guess it’s only for her. they’re both asleep. i guess they don’t care, and i don’t blame them for that, nor am i mad at them. i just found it a bit sad.
in other news, this morning was very difficult for some reason; having said this, i was really struggling to not harm myself. i managed somehow, but at work i did get hurt many times, though not on purpose. at least i don’t think so.
life has […]