Friday night I was really lonely and texted everyone I know who goes to my college to find someone to hang out with, or even just to come outside for a little bit to have a cigarette. It wasn’t that late, around 11, and not one of the 10 people I texted wanted to or could. Then one friend texts back and invites me to his friends. We just played pong and drank beers all night, and eventually my friend went home; his other friend was going to walk me home because it’s not a good area to walk around alone. It’s around 2am, his […]
Tag:
nothing
The day is near its end.
Blinds are down.
I can’t stand
on my legs.
in this lonely town.
He isn’t here
to wipe my weary tear.
I’m waiting.
Nothing happens.
I’m
run out of tissues,
misused.
I loved him. It was two long years with him. I cared. I gave 100% everyday I was with him. And the fact that he wants nothing to do with me is the worst feeling ever.
So I heard he was cheating on me. Which turned out to be a lie. He breaks up with me. I go take him his clothes. I get there and he won’t even acknowledge me. I run after him. Trying to get some kind of closure. He won’t give me any attention. That’s when I snap. [being ignored is my biggest pet peeve and what triggers my depression is […]
So I went to see my counselor today and it seemed like the biggest waste of time. I’ve always suspected this is her first job out of college. I thought I organized my thoughts pretty good with her, but she really had no insight to offer me. I’m not really ready to say she’s not a good fit because last time I saw her I thought things went pretty well. Anyone who’s been following my story knows I’m going through a divorce. I shared with the counselor that I was bewildered by my soon to be ex’s new found niceness and and she really had nothing to […]
My whole life I’ve known that there is something wrong with me, and ever since I’ve been old enough to be self-aware I’ve done a lot to make myself better. You kind of have to, yeah? In some ways it’s almost effortless. When you suffer intensely you have nothing to do but search for a way out, even if you’re just laying in bed, trying to figure everything out.
It’s this feeling of real loneliness, and an intense fear of being alone. It’s killing me. I’m in my mid-twenties and I feel like I’m at least middle-aged. I’ve fallen in love a few times but it […]
My best friend sent me a Snapchat saying goodbye. She was holding scissors to her throat. She is the person I trust the most in this world and the only thing that keeps me going. I know she’s alive but not for how long. If she goes I don’t know what I’m going to do. Every day is fucking horrible and its going to be like this forever. Is this what life is supposed to be like? Why the fuck does it even exist. The worst thing is that deep down I know I’m a selfish hypocrite who makes something out of nothing. I don’t […]
Every day I wake up, dreading everything and anything that could happen during the day. I get to school. Everything’s fine. Walk down the hall my friends wait for the bell in and sit with them. Just fine. They start talking with each other, leaving me to my thoughts, and suddenly everything around me goes quiet. It’s like a little island. Just me. Reaching out for someone to notice the little, nerdy, fat girl who just wants to be loved. Then the bell rings and everything is fine. My friends call me to walk with them to class and we joke around as if nothing […]
Why do we even try? Before we were born, nothing existed to us, and when we die, we’ll return to the same non-existent state where nothing will matter to us anymore because, well, we just won’t “be”. Soon, our accomplishments and memories will fade within the skies and the soil, and sure, some of us may be remembered, but even then, does it really last that long? Is it worth doing anything if it’ll all crumble? Honestly, it’s complicated…
Mother’s day. I don’t know……
I just gotta say you shouldn’t just appreciate your mom on mother’s day, you should appreciate her every single day. One day when she’s long gone you won’t be able to to tell her how much she means to you or how much you love her. One day she will be gone and you won’t get another.
I gotta admit, I wasn’t the best daughter. I always had some type of anger problems with her. Like sometimes, I have to say, and it hurts to say it, I would hit her. I would get mad and I would be rude. I wouldn’t […]
God is boring . boring God . why human’s imagination & fantasy is better than God boring reality ? why God is boring ?
by niki
written by niki
God is boring . boring God .
why human’s imagination & fantasy is better than God boring reality ?
why God is boring ?
I hate this world . I hate this life . I hate life .
This world is so boring , boring world !
This life is so boring , boring life ! life is boring .
Why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, […]
My life is shit for many reasons and i am destined to suffer until the last second that i will live in this hell. And the worst thing is that i honestly believe that i don’t deserve this kind of life. I was always a good person, respected & help others and NEVER done anything bad to anyone. So why i am living this hell? I want to enjoy what others are enjoying… but instead i will never have a girlfriend because i am so fucking short, ugly and child looking, i will never have a family and i will become a fucking miserable 80 […]
Wether you like it or not. Your feeling of worthlessness gets stronger by the minute. Everything irritates you event the sound of the Birds Tweeting is just enough. I feel tired just tired and there is nothing that seems to lifts you out of this mood you are in. It is what it is. I am afraid. I am afraid of leaving my sons on their own to fend for themself. Is suicide selfish or is it selfish of those around you that dont understand anything for you to carry on marching on.
Don’t let me die alone /
I feel weakness in every bone/
I worry every second I think of you/
Because I’m so scared I’m not sure what to do/
My heart beats strong for you/
And I always long for you/
Our future can appear so bright/
Ik that doesn’t make it right/
But I will stay true late into every night/
I love you E even as I cry/
I love you E even as I die/
I love you E even as I try/
I will not fail anymore/
Because without you I have nothing to live for/
And your the only one I can adore/
Deep depression isn’t how I want to live/
Major regression isn’t all […]
I am a married father of 3, in my mid 30’s. I’m not here for help, hope, sympathy, empathy, or support. I just need a place to chronicle this slide. I’ve been in some dark places before but I think this one has been the longest and darkest (more than a year now). There have been some short interruptions, which is why I am probably still here. These interruptions aren’t times of happiness, just times of neutrality. Speaking of happiness, I don’t know if I’ve ever had a even one true moment of happiness in my life. I’ve had moments of excitement, but I don’t […]
I’ve tried to save myself for the past 10 years but I’m not sure if I’m strong enough to continue it. For the past couple of days I can only see the darkness around me without the light of hope. Nothing make sense anymore, nothing matters.
i wish everybody on here and everybody in the world felt nothing but happiness at all times I wish there was no such thing as mean people I feel like if you really think about it most people’s sadness has to do with other people’s actions I just need for this world to be a good place I need to not raise my kids when I’m older to live in a place so depressing and fucked up I just need happiness and I need to be better at wording my thoughts because I sound like a little girl on here who isn’t making any sense
Its May 1st 2015, or 5-1-15 (5115).
And so, a palindromic poem:
Baited Breath
Exhale no inhale
Bag over head
I didn’t understand
Questions thoughts, unaddressed
Fear bubbles, darkness decays
Blackness surrounding
Pain in extremities
Gasping controlled
Everything means nothing
Life, abated
——
Abated life
Nothing means everything
Controlled gasping
Extremities in pain
Surrounding blackness
Decays, darkness, bubbles fear
Unadressed thoughts, questions
Understand, didn’t I?
Head over bag
Inhale no exhale
Breath Baited
I’ve been on the same routine now for almost 3 months now. I wake up, have a shower, go to college, and think about nothing else except taking my own life. I barely manage to get out of my own bed. I don’t feel motivated to do anything anymore, and I’m hanging by a thread. Loneliness and misery is all what I have left. I have no friends, no girlfriend, my family doesn’t give a rat’s ass about me. I’m all alone. The only thing that manages to make my face light up is food. The only time I feel happy is when I eat. […]
It’s time.
I’ve spun around in circles, I’ve tried every known cantrip and trick known to man. I’ve talked with specialists and munched on pills for the better part of a year. The result? A big fat naught.
Nearly twenty years ago a snotty kid at the kindergarden screamed that he’d kill himself, when he got angry. He didn’t not at that time no. Years rolled the kid grew and experienced what can only be described as crippling fear all the way to his teenage years. By then everything had been molten into one gray sheet pulled over the window of life. Suicidal thoughts hung heavy in […]
I don’t think i can live like this anymore, i’m losing my mind…i’m not living, this is not how life should be. I wish i was alive.
I’m considering jumping from the top of the building where i live at but i should wait until it’s dark outside…
Nothing makes sense now, this is weird