No matter what I do she will not accept the fact that I want nothing to do with her.
I rue the day we met.
Only my death will release me from her. So will die. Will miss my son but he is better off without me.
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nothing
then I could at least make money by prostituition… and I would be able to get laid… as an autistic boy i have no skills and cant make money or get some *****… nothing is in my favor..
I have no one. My best friend don’t give a f* about me. I had a fight with his friend and he forced me to apologize with them even though it wasn’t fault so i sacrifice my dignity and apologized to them. We were best friend before i had a fight with his friends , he stops hanging out with me and left me sit alone in the class . I start to have my lunch alone in the school , feeling helpless in the class . I tried to overdoes paracetamol and ended up vomited all of them out and i never going to […]
I have friends, I have a great family, I have a great boyfriend. I’m in my early 20s and started my own company 2 years ago. Since then nothing has gone right with it. My developers quit after months of not delivering on promises, and my current developer is treating me like shit. I have had suicidal thoughts off and on all my life but I’ve been having suicidal thoughts now for weeks… Today and yesterday something was different. I feel really numb. I keep trying to get out of it, to think about my family and how much it would hurt my little brother […]
Dear anyone
I am an 18 year old guy and my life is shit for the last 10 years with no exaggeration. I am really fucking depressed and I keep everything inside me for a very long time but I found this site some time ago and I would like to write my story before I end my miserable life. I know many of you will get bored and close this page in the midway because it will be very long but I don’t care for anything anymore.
The problem is that I am just so fucking ugly. I have nothing on me to like […]
I just can’t go on like this. Every breath hurts when I know I will never see her ever again. And yet every second of every day I long to be with her. Even if it is just one last time. I just want to see her beautiful face once again smile at me the way she used to when she loved me.
I know she doesn’t love me anymore. I cry for hours and hours every single day. I still love her with all my heart, no matter the pain she has caused me. She’s my entire life. Without her I have nothing left. My […]
My friends, do they know how unhappy I am with life? Just curious. They notice I’m always the first one awake as soon as the sun starts coming up but do they know that when I’m laying with my eyes open I’m thinking about death and some more shit? Or that when I get frustrated its nothing controllable and do they notice my triggers? Do they notice I don’t laugh when they joke about people with depression or other mental illnesses?? Should I explain it to them?? How do I do that??
I thought last night would be the end, but I still find myself here. I’m so tired of feeling this way but I can’t change it. I still love her every second of every day. Without her there is no point to life. It hurts to breathe knowing I will never see her again. At the same time I can’t get over her leaving me and treating me like I’m nonexistant. She erased me like our 5 1/2 years together didn’t even happen. Or mean anything at all. And her kids did the same. Yet despite all that, I still love them and long to […]
However I know why I didn’t. I might throw up and blame myself for not going, and perhaps I’ll keep doing that for the rest of my life, but I know precisely why I didn’t run away last year. I was ready, fully ready, I know that. I am not a coward.
I used to have a lot of desires and instincts. But eventually, with the passage of time and suffering, many of them faded away. And only two were left. Only two prevailed. They were: Desire for truth & Hate for society.
Society is my proverbial enemy, my arch enemy. But I am not a psychopath […]
How many of you would actually care if I died, and if you did, for how long? I mean if I died the sun would still rise and set, the seasons would still change, my death would change nothing in the world. I’m nothing special, so why do you care what happens to me? My existence is meaningless, so therefore I believe that I do not need to stay. I mean, do you even know what it’s like to feel so damn sad and empty all the time and just wake up everyday to just fake a smile and pretend to be oh so very […]
I feel tired though I am not busy.
I feel old though I am just 16.
I feel broken.
What does this life really mean?
Sorry for my bad english. I hope I won’t be discriminated. I’ve been feeling depressed for a long time. I can’t find the way out. Telling what I feel to my parents and friends(are we still friends?)Its so difficult and weird. I’ve been telling that I’m lucky, so it is so sorry to express my reaI feeling. I’m sad doesn’t mean I’m not grateful. I have to fake a smile or a laugh to fit in when everyone’s happy. I […]
It’s my body. I should be able to do with it what I want. I know assisted suicide is legal in some places, for people with terminal diseases. But it should also be legal for those who have depression. What is the point of living if we feel there is nothing else left to live for?
Alice wants to know why everyone wants to know who alice is! alice does not want to be constantly harassed and dogged! Alice does not wish to be accused of being a stalker when it is the other person who seems to be stalking alice! constantly popping into alices posts and discussions to subjugate alice to scrutiny for being alice! Alice is just alice! there is nothing more to tell! alice just wants to be left alone to tell stories and aquire new friends! alice does not want to get anxiety from this site! alice became alice to escape the anxiety and social constructs she […]
Everyone is asleep. The kids. The gf. The city.
its only me that is lurking in the shadows. where im supposed to be. I feel sorry for those who have to look at me at all. I wish them everything else in the world.
Im hidius. Discusting. Retarded. Ugly. Filthy. Bad. Worse. Whore! Fat. Weak. Stink. Mong. Abnormous. Garbage. Trash. Lazy. Sick.
Everyone hates me. And i know why. Thats nothing to hide. I know the exact reasons why.
Im trying my best here! I really do. But nothing seems to be working. I keep doing the same mistakes over and over again. No matter how hard i try, […]
Hey guys and gals , I know its been a while since I last posted on here and my life it feels like has been going on a downhill slope and no where fast…
I’m not sure if I mentioned this on my last post but me and my (now ex) bf back in February unexpectedly split right before Valentine’s day. No reason at all just happened through text out of the blue after him not responding to any of my fb messages for two weeks and then saying were better off as best friends. Bull Fuckin Shit! Maybe I saw it coming for a longer […]
This is my first post here. I found this website when i was googleing on nebtual substitute. Thats where i am now. I know what i need to aquire, but it seems inpossible. So i look for the next best thing..
I have been down for the last 15y, and i have tried everything there is. It wont get better. Im diagnosed with a “personaltiy dissorder” so that means that no drugs on earth will ever cure me. Well, exept for one, the one that let me sleep forever.
I have 3 children and a girlfriend since 9y. Me, i am 29y.
But i dont feel anything special, […]
I find it so difficult to exist, to be.
Am I the only one that feels existence is horrible? That to exist is too much. That the possibility of being trapped in eternity existing is so overwhelming that I can’t breath.
I can’t run away from existence, I am even petrified that when I kill myself I will still be trapped in existence. One is so powerless and out of control. Just trapped for all eternity if eternity exists. Unable to get away from being. Unable to not be. I wish it could all stop. I can stop. Just an end. Nothing more, nothing less. Just stop
What if I did it. Right now. It would be so fucking easy. Nothing eloquent this time, just a myriad of pain and an option out tonight. Why can’t I be the one this time. I will write my own ended for a story that was never my own.
Often I sculpt people
Who aren’t there
To create memories that don’t exist
That make me laugh at nothing
Often
Pretend that someone is concerned
That I actually knew you
And that the choir knows my name
At night I imagine
That I smell your hair
I hear you breathe
I slip into your womb
Always
I wake up alone
With a fractured skull
And empty space
Still in my wheelchair
Unable to move
While the diva in my head
Sings long arias
Of self abuse
That I twist into
Lullabies just to survive
In the doctors office
I open the magazine
I fail the […]