Is it better to feel everything at once or nothing at all I’m numb one minute then I feel everything the next the cycle repeast
Tag:
nothing
Four years and I have felt nothing but anger and hate for the world and the people around me; until tonight. Tonight the passion died and with it my will to fight any longer.
I don’t believe anything you say to me anymore. You lie so much. And I feel like I’m nothing to you. Day by day you push me away more and more and I wanna just disappear. You act like you’re better without me. Maybe you are. Maybe I iust need to leave.
They really do. They hurt so much that sometimes I really wish I could be all alone in this world. I wish I had no family or friends, that I could live entirely on my own. And sometimes I envision a future where that’s how I really live. Phone calls to my parents, occasionally, gifts mailed out during the holidays to some of my relatives, but nothing more than those few interactions. Nothing face-to-face or substantial. The only downside to this grand future is that I am inherently extroverted, and isolation feeds my depression and anxiety and ultimately makes me feel worse. I need people […]
History reapeats as the darkness comes flooding back into my life. I bleed black, for the monster is me. Symbiotic with a world slowly dying, I am everything and nothing. Money makes the man, but nothing gold can stay.
Life is empty & meaningless, without any/no purpose, Life is boring, empty! There is no meaning of life! fuck life, fuck reality !
by niki
written by niki
Life is empty & meaningless, without any/no purpose, Life is boring, empty! There is no meaning of life! fuck life, fuck reality !
The more I grow up & learn after all these 32 years of my life, sadly, the more I feel hopeless especially for humanity / our humans species!
MAJORITY of people / humans beings / humanity are so damn shallow, superficial, vain, ignorant, stupid, fake, dirty, liars, etc etc.
I used to have so much HOPE for humanity , but now the hope is dwindling until it’s almost none !!
MOST people are sadly only concerned with vain, shallow, mundane “daily-life” & little […]
The burden of life is too great to carry. I feel like the Titan Atlas, forever carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. But I am not immortal. I can choose to die. I can end it all and forsake the pain. But no…..I will not. Today my one year old sister called my phone all by herself using my mother’s smartphone (she knows it is me because she can see me in the contact picture) and left a message, crying because I wouldn’t answer. Even after I called and tried to talk to her (my mother put her one the phone) she […]
I’ve been trying to believe that he is, but it’s stupid and crazy and i’m giving up hope.
And sadly now that i feel like this I don’t have any hope or happiness to toss around to anyone else. I’m back to wishing I could find an easy way to end my shit lonely existence. There is no easy way of course, we all know that. But there are ways.
If I could erase the memories it wouldn’t be so bad but that’s impossible. If I could shut off how I feel and how I felt then, that would solve this too but that won’t happen either. […]
I feel so absolutely alone even though I’m surrounded by very dear friends. I can’t talk to them about the things that bother me because then they’ll see who I really am; a weirdo, a creep, a monster. I’m all alone and my story of loss and heart break doesn’t matter.
I wish I had died when I attempted suicide twice within two days a few years ago. It seems that my life will only be comprised of me pretending to be happy when on the inside I’m suffering egregiously.
I wish there was something I could do to take away the pain, but there is nothing. Therapy […]
I feel nothing. Detached from myself. This is what you wanted – to feel nothing. In a moment I was so desperate to feel nothing, craving that sweet nothing. The sun will be up soon and I can sleep now. Safe among my nothingness…
I don’t come to this site often but I’m really down right now and contemplating ending it.
I’m tired of feeling and thinking of death so much. I can’t do this another year. I can’t change no matter what because 1.) I don’t want to because nothing outside will change and 2.) I’m just in too deep.
I didn’t even buy anyone christmas gifts because I’m a terrible person – I just want to spend my money on what I’ll kill myself with.
sorry if this brought someone down. I just feel lonely.
I will be 50 not long from now. I have lived an outwardly full and rich life. People look up to me apparently and i am somehow respected. The truth is i have drifted through life with much luck and relative ease. I have been loved many times but have never loved until recently. And my immaturity in that caused it to fail anyway. The bottom line is that i see little point in going on. This world and this life just has no relevance to me, it is pointless. A few weeks ago I made an attempt to end it by downing a bunch […]
you’re gonna stay home tonight. and the next night. and the night after that. but no matter what happens you’ll never think of me.
you won’t think of the late night conversations we had. the video calls we had that you fell asleep in because the night was pitch black will never cross your mind. you’ll busy yourself with work and won’t reply or message me for days or weeks.
then out of the blue you’ll message me. you’ll try to show you care even though i know that you don’t. you don’t care about the way i laugh or smile. the way i try to act […]
Okay so we have broke up its been a week and a bit and did we just spend the night together? you in my arms, feeling your heartbeat on my chest stroking your cheek, your neck, you. Why do I let this happen to us? I don’t know how you feel but I feel nothing just frozen in place remembering how we kissed and how soft your face was. I need to know was there any feeling? I DON’T EVEN KNOW ANY MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was raised in a Muslim family.. so naturally my parents taught me everything that I need to be taught to be a good Muslim, there was no room for me to make a choice about what I want to believe in, it was obvious that I will be leading my life based on what God wrote in the holy book.
In my teenage time I started noticing that some of the practices in religion contradicted what I think is right! So I begun making up explanations about what my religion is all about, trying to make it fit my principles, but I was obviously just making excuses, […]
I’m never good enough for my dad, and he doesn’t care what happens to me. My girlfriend of 1 and a half years doesn’t even act like were together. I barely survived my first semester of college. I’ve delved into a depression. I’ve become so socially withdrawn I go days without talking. I stay in my room all day. I sleep for around 12 hours a night because I have nothing to wake up for. This is the last night I’ll feel like this.
im sitting here and have a blank mind i feel numb spaced out like if my life moves on and im part of nothing around me disconnected completely from the world yet im sitting here at work
Life is not fair / unfair. there is always winners & losers. I’m a loser, so why can’t I / losers just commit suicide?
by niki
written by niki
Life is not fair.
Life is unfair.
there is always winners & losers.
there will always be winner & loser.
so why can’t I / losers just commit suicide?
rather than they keep living chasing & fixing all their way too many losses, which is probably too late anyway too.
and usually losers can’t win / can never win against winners anyway .. even the “start” is already too late!!
This is the harsh truth / fact / reality .
Reality / Real life / Real world is very LIMITING / LIMITED in what we can & can’t do !
We are limited by money […]
Loneliness is a disease, you see, i have a son, I’m divorced but i see him every week, my parents are dead but I have 3 brothers, they love me and care for me, and I love them, and I love my son, and I’m happy when we are together, but I feel so desperately alone, all the time I don’t think I can relate to anyone anymore, I left my ex-wife because I felt alone and sad with her, but I still feel alone without her, when I’m not working and alone in my house, I do nothing, I watch movies, I eat, but […]
It’s that time again
It’s night and I cannot rest. There is no such thing as sleep.
And my mind couldn’t be crueler
I see blood on my arms and the vision in my mind calms me
But it takes more courage than I or alcohol has and another night I go unpunished.
The noise in my mind filters all the way through
There is nothing to combat all that anguish.
I fail, as I do time and time again
And you cannot solve what I can’t accomplish.
I can’t establish time and presence in this space
Because everything I feel abandons feeling.
I escape with no entity found
A soul without a means of ending with […]