I don’t feel much anymore. It’s like I’m floating just below the water, aware that my lungs are burning, but I’m unconcerned. I see so much and nothing at all. I see that I am likely to end up alone. I see that I cannot have children. I see that I am about to graduate college with a useless degree and a fuck load of debt. I see fires and wars and disaster and hatred and guns and knives and cars accidents and pain in the world. I see that I should do something. There I begin to see nothing. There is nothing to do. You […]
Tag:
nothing
My life has no meaning. I am triggered, PTSD. He said it, but it is not his fault. It is me, something inside of me. I can’t even remember what we were talking about. But the last thing I remember is he said, “I’ve done that. That industry [the industry I have worked in] is nothing special. It’s old technology. Everybody knows it. It’s not like you’re splitting an atom or something.”
My knowledge is nothing. My experience is nothing. I am nothing. My life has no meaning. That is the progression. There is no logical reason for me to live. I can’t make a meaningful […]
Truth is…
I was never good enough. I could never grasp that as a kid, so I kept searching. I kept trying to find somewhere I could be useful, somewhere safe… but the truth is that when you’re a woman, you’re nothing, if not a whore. When you’re black, you’re nothing, if not an animal. If you’re gay, you’re nothing, if not an abomination.
Abused, kidnapped, raped, molested, cast aside. Made to endure hard labor for less than minimum wage. Get hurt, get fired. The world doesn’t honor or respect someone like me. my people being killed and then blamed for […]
How do I smooze the pysch into ‘believing’ that my S/A was nothing more than me being impulsive as usual so he don’t recommend inpatient !?!
i will not say why i want to suicide, i dont want you to tell me that i should accept what is happening or blah blah blaah..
i just want to die, i really really want to, for to times i took more than 25 pills and nothing happend, just pain, and now i know that it is not a good way to suicide, brcause it won’t kill you, so i am asking for an easy way to suicide, please help me..
Imagination better than reality? Why Imagination is better than reality? Why is Imagination better than reality?
by niki
written by niki
Why Imagination is better than reality?
Why is Imagination better than reality?
Why is fantasy better than reality? Why fantasy is better than reality?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality / human’s fantasy is better than reality.
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, Interstellar, etc etc, they are much more interesting, full of POSSIBILITIES & varieties / variations, and better than reality / BORING reality […]
Seriously, no one respects me enough to even acknowledge me!! In school, I’m constantly ignored by people, students and teachers alike! Even my so-called friends ignore me!!! EVERYONE ACTS LIKE I DON’T EXIST AND I UTTERLY HATE THEM ALL!!!!! Girls ignore me too, they treat me like shit, while every other piece of crap at my school gets girls. I’m the only person that actually even attempts to be kind to anyone EVER and in da, they insult their own friends have the time! I’m treated like a nothing and a nobody, I hate my stupid white school and the stupid people in it, I […]
My question is always why. Why do I feel this? Why does it have to be me? Why do I feel guilty? Why am I hated? Why am I judged? Why do I act like this? Why did my best friend ditch me? Why am I ugly? Why am I fat? Why do people care if they’ll judge me anyways? Why? Why is the question we ask ourselves everyday. We want an answer. We perceive things different from other, but why? Why can’t I listen to bands such as the Arctic Monkeys? Why am I judged if I am different? Why do I exist? Why […]
This has been an ongoing battle and I am convinced I was put here for no reason at all. Everything and anything that could go wrong in my life has and is . Nobody ever loves me. Im always the one who gets thrown away. Why do I always want the things that dont want me? Im a good selfless person, but I get thrown away. Im never good enough. Whats so terrible with me? I’ve always envisioned my self jumping off of the Golden gate bridge. The beauty when your up there. The air you breath. The water below that will take you away […]
Your voice was the only thing that could calm me down. When I was on the bathroom floor with a bottle of pills and a cold blade in my hand, you were there. You called me and just hearing your voice made me relax and breath. You changed me but you left. I have no idea who i am anymore or what my purpose is. Im lost without you by my side. I cry everyday at the thought that i wont be hearing your voice before i fall asleep. I wont be hearing your voice when i wake up. I wont be getting any sweet […]
Hi everyone, I used to be a frequently posting member of SP even before the site’s new look and new options with the dash (….which really wasn’t all that long ago guess.) I usually found answers and help here whenever it was sought, but it has been awhile since I have come here to say anything of real pertinence. I am back now because I have a real strong conviction and yearning to commit suicide and stop all of this damaged, irreparable ruinage. I know such things get said over and over on SP’ however it is difficult to go through […]
I don’t feel like I’m human. I don’t subscribe to whatever it is you feel anymore. It all feels like it’s so far away from myself.
So what am I? I don’t even know. For 10 years I feel like I’ve just been imitating the personalities of other people, and that’s what I was; a shell around a void, just to try fit in, to feel like I belong.
Now all that has failed and crumbled away, just like the people. I feel only indifference or anger towards those I see or think about. Their words circle in my mind like torture constantly.
I think about what I would […]
I keep reliving the same day over and over again. Wake up, nothing has changed. My thoughts instantly go to suicide to stop the pain. I constantly think about what I’ve lost and that there is nothing left. I’m so tired of crying every day. Now I’m to the point of this horrendous wail that I can’t control. I’m alone in a 5 bedroom house and the sound just echoes off of everything. Has anyone else experienced this heart wrenching moan? It used to be just simple crying but now it’s just a primal howl. Various times throughout the day, I wish for something to […]
Oh the magic of proxy browsers to get to all those websites your pesky boss has blocked. Fuck this. I’m so tired. I don’t really wanna fight anymore or hold on. I’m pretty sure I will because there’s nothing else to do but I won’t enjoy it.
I’m so scared right now… I’m starting to get enough balls to actually commit suicide. 2 years ago I would never think I would cut myself, but I have. For the past two days I’ve been using a cord and putting it around my neck and choking myself. I take medication for depression but nothing seems to be working at all. I just want to die SOO bad. I feel like that’s what I am looking forward to. I feel like my boyfriend doesn’t want to talk to me anymore about this. I know I’m pushing him away… I just want to go.
Since the TBI and NDE I have felt ready to transition.
Despite decades of therapy, death’s call only gets louder.
For each of us it is not if, but when: as per nature, or assisted.
There is nothing mystical to discuss. There are no wounds to others of concern. (The few who know me will be unsurprised.)
Tomorrow will be a new day with or without my participation.
Do not follow my path.
I am not a martyr.
My ego cries to be useful.
My ego cries to die.
I am lost.
All my life it as always been like “Yarah why won’t you be kind” “why are you not respectful” “Yarah why aren’t you doing shit in your life” And its annoying because, i’m always helping everybody, whenever someone need something i’m there, and respect is an important thing to me i will always respect everybody, anyone and yes i’m always doing things from right to left i’m always trying to make things better and fuck just no nobody sees they’re always here to judge but won’t even see the things that i do and now i’m just sooo done, why give when you don’t receive, […]
I mistakenly got excited–not a lot, but enough to allow me to become disappointed when everything fell through and nothing turned out how I thought I would. I do not get excited very often. I loathe excitement and people who feel it a little too often for my tastes. They are more liable to get their hopes up, as well, which would make me feel bad for them, which would then just make me feel bad in general. Anyway, I went home for Thanksgiving break from college and for some reason thought that I would feel better, that being around my family would make me […]
My wife committed suicide. No warning. My mum committed suicide. My brother died. I have nothing. My mum was ten years ago, my brother five. My wife one month. I have a father I don’t talk to. I have nothing. I have fantasies everyday about killing myself and having the same funeral as my wife but it turns out I don’t have the balls. All I think about is killing myself. I am going to goto the doctor and get stilnox or tamazepan. How much do I need? Please help me get out of this easily. I’m 30 and just live to die
I’m so sick of having to live up to expectations. I’m 16, doesn’t that mean I should be able to live a little? My parents have all of these standards for me like just because I’m Chinese and my brother is a genius doesn’t mean I am smart! Because I’m not! In fact, I have C’s and B’s and sometimes D’s and F’s, and I work my ass off to get them. Just because my brother didn’t have a social life doesn’t mean I can’t step foot out the door more than once a weekend. Yes I drink. Yes I smoke weed. I’m in high […]