This has been an ongoing battle and I am convinced I was put here for no reason at all. Everything and anything that could go wrong in my life has and is . Nobody ever loves me. Im always the one who gets thrown away. Why do I always want the things that dont want me? Im a good selfless person, but I get thrown away. Im never good enough. Whats so terrible with me? I’ve always envisioned my self jumping off of the Golden gate bridge. The beauty when your up there. The air you breath. The water below that will take you away from all of your pain. I think I will only be happy. Or everyone else will be much happier to have me gone. I wont be the problem child or a nuisance to my family or boyfriend anymore. He will finally be rid of me and all the unhappiness I bring him. My whole life I’ve been denied love.I have nothing to live for. When I sleep I dream of my own made up reality and in my dreams im happy and loved. I wake up and remember where im really at. I hate myself. I have nothing to show for anything. Im ugly fat and sick. Somethings always the matter with me. Nobody ever believes me or takes me seriously. They all laugh at me call me crazy. Nobody even huggs me. I just want some one to hug me.I want some one to want me. Im planning to kill myself soon…not sure EXACTLY when…maybe after Xmas. But I will jump off the bridge and maybe I will stay in my dreams forever which are happy unlike this life.
3 comments
*hug*
that was beautiful
10 years ago, my parents sold the house I grew up in. I often have wonderful dreams set at “Home”. They are lucid dreams. I think to myself, how can this be? My room is as it was when I was a child. My dog died 18 years ago, yet there she is young and healthy. I even spoke with my late grandfather(I figured he would be ashamed if he could see me now). It’s so f#$%ing real. I can completely relate. I can truly say that it is my happy place. I can never go back by there again because I don’t want to see it as someone else’s home. I always have the home field advantage. No monsters can ever get me there. But then morning comes; or in my case usually evening. Back to cold reality.