just sitting here in my room as i hear my stepp father scream and threaten my little sister. normal days are usually my older and younger sister yelling at each other while my parents argue too. my walls arent thick enough to muffle there voices. i sit here and think most of the day not really living if you ask me. im a big fuck up wasnt even supposed to be born. sorry for the shitty spellling.
Tag:
older
I was wondering if anyone else here is older like me. I am well over 50. Seems everyone is 30 and under here. Just curious.
I thought I had posted this last night but don’t see it. I don’t really understand all the SEO stuff but I checked them all. It seems like the most secure thing to do.
Anyway, all I can think of is ending my life here and planning it in terms of finding a few pets other homes, etc. I am older so it’s not like I have “my whole life ahead of me”. Depression/dysthymia with a few major episodes, nervous breakdowns, excruciating pain then surgeries then more excruciating pain, pain meds addiction. Finally managed to get out of pain and thru several Dr.s and bad doctoring […]
I have had the worse five months of my life; anxiety, bdd, everything has destroyed me and who I am. I look fucking 10 years older. I think it is time for me to go; the only comfortable thought I have: Suicide.
Why go on living ?
I understand some people use their struggles to motivate them. However I don’t want to face them and no matter what I can’t feel motivated. I just don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t have any lasting reason to be here anymore. I can’t deal with or understand my disgusting, divorced parents and what game they are playing. I can never talk to my perfect older sister or my stubborn little sister. I’ve tired to talk to my perfect sister and when I start talking about myself for too long, she changes the subject to her lol. Then I try to talk to my […]
I am 39 years old and I have never been married or had children. I have a job that causes me to have extreme anxiety (I take Xanax, amongst other things) and I dread going there every day. I can’t quit because I need the money to support myself. I feel like life has absolutely no meaning or purpose. It is just emptiness and suffering. I feel so alone and I’m terrified of getting any older. I have researched suicide and I have a plan and all the drugs I need. The only thing I lack is courage because I know it will be a […]
It’s funny how things work, I suppose. I always seem to end up right where I started; in the dark. I’ve been trying to sleep for the past few hours but nothing is working, I’m disgustingly wide awake.
I’m just going to write how I’ve been feeling lately in this post, you don’t need to read it, not at all I just need an outlet.
My older brother and his wife had moved out, right? well, they’re back. I should’ve expected it, I really should have. On top of that the man who made me first start to hate myself, my grandfather, lives here now too. That’s […]
so my life started to begin to turn into hell when i reached the age of 4. my mom, who is asian (I’m not being racist, I’m saying that our culture heavily emphasizes the importance of education to the point its life or death, and i think that there is a limit but not according to my family.) introduced me to a tutor. i know that it doesn’t sound bad, but i promise you, its hell. I’m not the kid who complains about homework, not at all. as my life progressed, my family was a prideful family. too prideful. for example, when my brother started […]
Is it wrong to born gay? I had been in relation with a guy for almost a year. He loves me very much. But he has insecurity Problem and hence we had several fights. One of the fights were so extreme that we had to deal with cops. I really love him and he loves me too! Adding to this. My father left my family when I was two year old baby. I have older brother who doesn’t work. My mother becomes angry on small reasons. I already had an unsuccessful effort of poisoning myself and dying. But still I survived after a medical treatment […]
I really hate how I can tell someone to keep going when I know that I can’t keep going myself.
I hate how I’m there for everyone but when I need someone, all I have is myself.
I hate how I cry myself to sleep at night because I have actual problems and yet, there are kids my age who’s only problem is whether or not they want to actually vacation in Paris this month or not.
I hate how people don’t care about certain things like homelessness and bankruptcy until they have to experience it first hand.
I […]
Well, I managed to survive another birthday. I had this song stuck in my head all day, enjoy. (or don’t, up to you)
My girlfriend doesn’t want to see me anymore as of yesterday.
She’s 20 years older than me, and is dealing with a lot of shit from her past marriage. I wanted move in and take care of her, which she wanted, too; but she’s stopped trying with us, and has decided to focus on the problems she had before we met.
I found myself briefly considering other women, but I feel numb. I loved her! I gave her everything I had, and I feel like I’m betraying her by considering other women! I feel like if I wait one more week, she’ll message me back and want me […]
But I simply don’t have the guts to say it to your faces.
To my best friend,
I had a crush on you for the past three years, and never told you, mainly because I thought it would ruin our friendship. Although you didn’t know it, you made things quite difficult for me over those three years, because I felt like I was wrong for liking you. But I’m over it now, and I’m a lot happier for it. But you also make me feel like shit about myself, with your ‘oh look, I ran really far today!’ and your ‘look at me, I can eat […]
This is really hard for me to write, I’ve never spoken of this experience ever since it happened. When I was a little girl, around 5 years of age, something traumatizing happened to me. And it really messed me up. I’m the only girl in my family. I have 2 older brothers and my mother kept trying for a girl, then I came.
My mon was absolutely not ready to raise kids, so I don’t know why she had any of us. She herself didn’t really have a mom growing up, but she had so many years to learn she was never a good mother back […]
I’ve never posted anything about my depression online for everyone to see. Hell, I’ve never even told anyone about it for fear they’ll look at me differently. Anyway, here goes. I’m eighteen years old and there’s not a day that goes by I don’t think of killing myself. The worst part is, there’s not just one reason or a specific traumatic event I can blame it on. Honestly, my issues don’t seem half as bad as the majority and I know I should be thankful and appreciative but I can’t. I’m just sad. All the fucking time. I used to think it was because my […]
No more heart or diabetes meds………..time to let nature take its course. I flushed them all down the toilet.
I’m not angry or seeking to hurt anyone. What I am, is lonely to the point of exhaustion. There is nothing out “there” because there is nothing in “here”, no value, no worth and no reason to exist. I know it sounds dramatic, but I just want to rest, to sleep and be at peace.
I could be here for days, weeks, months or even years more. I don’t know.
There was an actor named George Sanders. His most famous film, I would say, was All About Eve, which […]
Okay so I am brand new here and kinda awkward about it. But I’m going to use this as a place to vent and stuff.
So I am your average teenage girl, with a slightly disfunctional family.
I have never meet my birth father. My (now ex) step father is a pretty alright man. And my mother is a monster, I will get into details about her later.
I have many brothers and sisters, but only few whom I have actually meet, and only 1 that I have grown up with. My older brother (by 9 years) hes.. well I dont know, he doesnt exactly […]
I am not sure who is going to be reading this, or really why it is that you’re on this website and that you’re reading this, but hello. I hope that whoever you are and wherever you are that you’ve managed to have a relatively good day today.
My name is Mark Owens. I am not afraid to “reveal” my identity because I no longer wish to remain anonymous; I’ve been doing that my entire life. I am currently 19 years old and I live in the metro-Atlanta area, and beginning in the fall I’ll be starting my junior year of college as a Music Education […]
I just slapped my 5 year old brother. Before you jump to conclusions let me explain. Me and my older sister just got kittens, they were abandoned buy their mothers and they are only 5 and 6 weeks old. My brother, we’ll call him Mike, keeps grabbing them and squeezing their tummy’s and basically being really rough with them.
We’ll about half an hour ago, he decided that he was the kittens…. father, I got really annoyed because he was being really mean and loud. So, eventually I told him that he needs to let them be (he was also holding the hostage), and he started […]
I don’t know why I have waited so long, and struggled so long to try to reclaim a life and a family that I will never get back. Three adult children who all hate me – none has spoken to me in a while. They say it is because they hate my husband of 22 years, but when I said I wanted to leave him – no one came forward to offer help, or a place to live. I have a monthly disability check, but I am afraid to just walk out. If I do, I loose everything, so I have […]