Can I overdose on them?
Tag:
Pain Killers
When I was nine my stepdad started drug dealing. The people that he would sell to were either junkies off the street or very powerful people. To help his buisness he would strap me down to a chair and test the drugs out on me in front of his clients and when he bought off of some one. He sold crack, oxicotten, pain killer, meth, weed pretty much any drug you could think of. I dont know how he gets it all i know is ive been the test dummy for 5 years.
So yesterday the only friend I had in the world left me. He told me I was a bad person… that I was too fucked uo for him to stick around. How my apathy and suicidal ideation made it bad for him to be around me. And as much as I begged him to stay, and as much as I pleaded, there was no changing his mind.
So I came home. Bought some alcohol, bought out the pain killers. Swallowed 50. Took a blade to my wrist and carved my skin off. Then took a rope and tried to hang myself.
Yet I am […]
so yesterday I tried to kill myself… it first started off with my having an emotional rage; I was yelling, cussing, crying, and screaming. Then did I go in my room and started cutting myself repeativley… in patterns. When I was about to go deep to where I can cut a tendon my sister walks in the room and sees my with blood everywhere, she tries to get the knife from me, but we just fought over it… later that night me and my boyfriend broke up because he was still talking to his ex… something inside of me just died and I was in […]
I got home from school to see that no one was home. Tears were streaming don my face as I made my way to my bedroom. I sat on the edge of the bed  in deep thought. Why do I have to be so ugly? Fat..worthless..stupid? I feel so alone-my friends..suggested we stop hanging out. I’m not a lesbian by the way. I may be a tad bisexual but so what? I’m not fully gay. And to anyone who IS gay, don’t be ashamed. My brain was clouded with thoughts. I screamed out in frustration and practically tore apart my room. Stuff was strewn out […]
For the past few days I thought my life was going to get better. All these wonderful things people tell me here are kind of smothered by the fact my home life has only gotten worse.
My family found these posts and are going to be sending me to a mental facility that is known for its patient abuse and I have no say -as I’ve been deemed unfit to live alone or make my own life choices thanks to my father. It’s all spiraling out of control and there’s no way to save myself. It’s all over and I’m too tired and beaten up to […]
I’ve been stuggling with mental health problems for a few years now. Although its only been this month that I’ve sought help.
My suicide story starts the day my depression began. I was 17 when my ‘best friend’ was beaten up by a group of asian lads. My friend went to the police but was told there was nothing they could do. A couple of weeks later my friend and I were in the same area and my friend spotted one of the lads who beat him up ( using glass bottles). I walked over to the lad and punched him. So hard he was […]
Never know what to say when starting a new topic, so I suppose I typing this just to clear my own head.
All I seem to do is yoyo back an forth, one miniute I wanna save the world. Truly believe I can do it. Failing isn’t an option, by failing it would mean iv lied to myself for so long, about everything I believe. Peole tend to think that a small group of people can’t change the world, when it fact there the only people that ever have. And I believe that with every cell in my body.
Then in the next cold shallow […]
I’m really tired of feeling so worthless so today I decided to end my life. I took 20-30 different pain killers and nothing has happened.. I don’t know why it didn’t at least make me sick. So I guess today I’m surviving my suicide but I’m not pleased by it at all. I took 24 acetaminophen (extra strength), 10-15 advil, 2 liquid gel advil (extra strength), and 3 liquid gel midol (extra strength). And it’s been hours. Nothing. Curse this stupid society I’m forced to live in. Curse it!
So this is my first time even talking about this. I thought opinions from people i dont know might help.
I have been stuggleing with what has been described as a manic depressive disorder. I dont know of its any different from anybody elses, but the easiest way to describe it is that i can be brought down by things simple as a 3 second memory. Ill randomly become depressed for different severeties and random amounts of time. It can be mintues to months.
Latley though just cant get through it […]
ok so i thought i just put everything bout my family in one post.
My dad: drug addict. been high for bout 30 years, off pain killers from his multiple surgeries. when he has been off i can tell cuz he is nice i know when he is taking them cuz his patience is screwed over and he is a dick. he has depression also.
My mom: is an assumer she will never listen to me i will be in the middle of a sentence and she automatically thinks the worst case scenerio. causing ***** fight after ***** fight. when she is stressed she turns […]
i know its time to check out of the world, but i found out whats holding me back. people, actual people who i know truly care, i dont want to let them go i wanna hold onto them neverlet them go cuz for me its rare to find someone who loves me for me and befriends me to have fun in each others company not to trick me into hurting me along the road. i never wanna see these friends to leave me and i dont leave them. i know this is when im supposed to die. i just took half a bottle of […]
WTF! so we get a call from the pharmacist and i answered it and i find my dad is still high heavy pain killers and overdosing, i give the phone to my mom and she hangs up crying my parents are getting divorced. i dont know what i feel or what to do, that was shocking and i didnt see it coming.
All I ever wanted was to be excepted, I made friends with some of the cooler kids, got a girlfriend, got a car, but it’s all gone now. People change, my girlfriend cheated on me, and I wrecked my car (douche bag shouldn’t have turned out in front of me…). I decided to follow in my fathers footsteps and become a welder to make him proud, maybe he’d except me, but he never did… He thinks that I’m just some dumb kid who breaks the law, just like every adult thinks. I used to hangout with my girl, or my boys on a Friday night, […]
i just cant stand this anymore. every day when i wake up 1st thing on my mind is wish i could blow my brains out. its been like this for about 4 years. future to me seems like lonely, very boring, long and mentally painful and im just 19 years old. nothing i can achieve can make me happy. i know i will live my entire life alone and in this same state of mind as im now. now i have a meeting whit a psygologyst i wish he will give me some drugs i could take whit large amount of other drugs and alcohol […]
I remember the day I did it. I laughed and laughed and laughed until my laughter mixed with my tears and sobs. I sat in my bathroom floor while I laughed. No one was home.
I had tried to kill myself. taken pills. I was on pain meds and muscle relaxers (I have a bad back.). I had had an argument with my aunts and parents, I was feeling worthless, I’m always causing problems to them. I can never be that bundle of joy I was when I was younger. My mind is to messed up for that.
But I remember. I took one, then […]
In June of 2008, I was a stoner, and an alcoholic. I tried comiting suicide by taking at least a full bottle of pain killers. because my mom grounded me. I wrote about it in my journal of course. I believe my words were:
“I wish my mom would understand what im going though, i dont know if i really want to die, i just wanns scare her”
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i fell asleep, then woke up with this incredibly uncomfortable feeling. I was burning, like my blood felt weird. and i was getting hives everywhere. my mom came home. I told her i ate bad food and felt a little sick. […]
It’s been 6 years of an undiagnosed, untreated progressive depression.
The Stages:
Stage one just started with deep thinking. What we all go through, what is life worth? who loves me? what would the world be like if i’m dead, etc.
Stage two became mind over matter. This is the point beyond sadness. Cutting never hurt, it was just a way to wake up into reality again, to start feeling again, even it was just sadness.
Stage three was my addiction. I became addicted to cutting as it would relieve me of the emptiness. Cutting eventually stopped working (it works like pain killers, my body developed a tolerance), […]