The burden of life is too great to carry. I feel like the Titan Atlas, forever carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. But I am not immortal. I can choose to die. I can end it all and forsake the pain. But no…..I will not. Today my one year old sister called my phone all by herself using my mother’s smartphone (she knows it is me because she can see me in the contact picture) and left a message, crying because I wouldn’t answer. Even after I called and tried to talk to her (my mother put her one the phone) she […]
pain
i’ve been thru so much shit in my life i wouldn’t even know where to begin
then what happens? life throws chronic pain at me…yay! now i’m sitting here wanting to die and in agonizing pain
i’ve had this pain for 2 years now and it’s getting worse every day
the funny thing is that i was suicidal way before i got this pain…now i’m even more suicidal than i was before, which i didn’t think was possible
ughhhhhhh please just KILL ME NOW!!! i fucking HATE my life…
Guess I’m on here a lot lately. I just have nowhere else to put these thoughts out there on…I’m hurting so bad. I can’t wait until January 5th, but I have to, in a way. It’s relieving to think about though. To think that my pain will end and I can just escape it all.
23rd is my day now guys.. I won’t bore you anymore with my posts. No one can never get used to such condition I’m in. I wish I can say I’m happy now that I finally figured out how to end it but.. I just wish my mom didn’t come back to see this, even she understands that I can’t live for her, she told me that. I’ve been trying lately to sort of make my mom hate me to make it easier for her but it only works for a little while then I feel like an asshole and automatically talk to her. It’s […]
i wish someone would pull my heart out like in Once Upon a Time so I couldn’t feel this pain anymore
its not huge pain but this silent deadly one
that makes you gasp like you’re drowning ever so slowly
there’s a constant lump in my throat and racing thoughts in my mind as i wish someone asked me how i am
and expected me to say more than “i’m fine” because they knew that it was bullshit
i wish that someone looked at me and knew that i had been crying the night before
because i felt so lonely because no one answered me, […]
the time has arrived. moving stuff out. trying to push through the pain,the anxiety, the fear. she is so strong. so angry with me.deservedly so. she does not recognize how hard i tried. blind to my pain and loss. at least she has somewhere to go, and something to be. she will be safe and able to move foreward from the pathetic excuse of a husband she was with for so long. why is it wrong for me to want to die? what is so important about my existence? i think the normal people need us around to justify their happiness. ” if you dont […]
From the looks, I appear to be a runner forever running away from my problems. Nobody understood why I run and where I am running from.
I am actually running away from my goals, dreams and interests. It is a pain having them. Being autistic, these dreams, no matter how unrealistic they are, attack you everyday, Everyday you are reminded of the fact that it is not your interest, goals, dreams that matters. What matters is whether I am good enough to achieve those dreams.
I have fought many years. The Christians say that God has a better plan for […]
i am tired of soooo much pain…
Reasons to ‘opt out’ : no one wants me, no one needs me, I have no purpose, I am hated by my family, every father figure I’ve ever had knew I have to be erased, I’ll never belong anywhere, No one will miss me, I don’t deserve to be called nor classified as human, I don’t deserve to exist, and nothing I do is ever good enough.
Reasons to ‘carry on’ : foolish hope that my poems might get noticed(HIGHLY UNLIKELY!!!) and fear that my 175 poems might get stolen(and that no one will care)
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I should just do the world a favor already and […]
Life is not fair / unfair. there is always winners & losers. I’m a loser, so why can’t I / losers just commit suicide?
Life is not fair.
Life is unfair.
there is always winners & losers.
there will always be winner & loser.
so why can’t I / losers just commit suicide?
rather than they keep living chasing & fixing all their way too many losses, which is probably too late anyway too.
and usually losers can’t win / can never win against winners anyway .. even the “start” is already too late!!
This is the harsh truth / fact / reality .
Reality / Real life / Real world is very LIMITING / LIMITED in what we can & can’t do !
We are limited by money […]
This is my 3 rd time on this site. I look back at my posts and they are about my ex.
You broke my heart and I hadn’t wept any tears just feeling, movement and thoughts. Today I finally cried it had emotion, pain and anger the 3 things you need for a successful cry. You broke my heart and the worst thing is, is how we still talk after all that. My hand is still broken, the pain of the tear in my skin or is it the bulge I have on my middle fingers knuckle? No I didn’t hit her. I walked away and […]
I feel there no purpose to life. I wake up everyday to live n repeat the same things over and over. No matter how hard i try i am a failure in everyone eyes so why should i live? Everyday for past 2 years i think of different way to end my life i never do it but I finally think its time it doesnt seem stupid anymore it seem like the best choice. No one has to deal with me anymore. I dont have to keep fucking up other peoples lifes. I see no future i hate myself everyone hates me. I ask myself […]
im just depressed, depressed all the time, i cant feel happy since like 2 years, i forgot what happiness feels like, all i can feel is pain, all the fucking time, and i hate it, i really do, if i die nobody’s gonna hurt me, so i guess, with the new year ill be dead, i need to die, i have to, i dont wanna feel pain, i hate it, i really do! i dont know how i will suicide, maybe i will jump from the roof, maybe ill take pills (even though i tool pills 2 times trying to suicide but obviously that didn’t […]
Five days I’ve lived since commiting to die, since calling a national hotline, my first time ever. Stuck in the rural South, My dogs and the North wind keep watch with me, watchers for the morning. I wrapmy knee in ice. It’s disintigrating from a 980’s Surgery…the sutures, tiny lengths o fibrous black, rose through my skin to the surface. And now the ligaments are tearing away. My surgeon died decades ago. My SI Joints’ ligaments stretched in an industrial accident, permit the whole set of bones to wrench away from each other. Favoring the right knee makes it worse. I think I may have […]
i will not say why i want to suicide, i dont want you to tell me that i should accept what is happening or blah blah blaah..
i just want to die, i really really want to, for to times i took more than 25 pills and nothing happend, just pain, and now i know that it is not a good way to suicide, brcause it won’t kill you, so i am asking for an easy way to suicide, please help me..
Imagination better than reality? Why Imagination is better than reality? Why is Imagination better than reality?
Why Imagination is better than reality?
Why is Imagination better than reality?
Why is fantasy better than reality? Why fantasy is better than reality?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality / human’s fantasy is better than reality.
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, Interstellar, etc etc, they are much more interesting, full of POSSIBILITIES & varieties / variations, and better than reality / BORING reality […]
My life has not been exactly what you would call easy. I got charged with a rape I never committed at the age of 20. It shall follow me forever as they put me on the sex offenders registry. I honestly did nothing. Life went on and I fell in love. My ex took my kids and now will not let me see them, I stayed single for a long time, finally found love again, she left me for whatever reasons she might have had. Everyone who knows me really doesn’t like me that much. Judgements and all. Everyday I am reminded of just how […]
3 months ago my fiance committed suicide. My whole world has been torn apart. He was my soul mate. And I miss him so much. I’m going through so much right now and don’t know where to turn. On top of that my daughter walks all over me and I just feel like giving up. She hates me and I just ask myself why am I still here. I have no reason to live on. I was the one who could never understand how a person could kill themselves. But I do now. When your at your lowest and it seems like no one is […]
Today has been terrible. I got off work, did a few things, then came home. I sat on my bed, stared at my bottle of pills. I craved to take all of them so bad. Although, I live with my best friend and her parents. I couldn’t do that to them.. Have them come home and see me dead. My parents though.. I wouldn’t give a shit if it hurt them. I would love to stand there after I died and watch them find me. I’m sitting here, watching American Horror Story trying to get it off my mind. I have never been so close to suicide.. I […]
Recently, One of the guys I’ve liked for a long time had told me he loved me and started to give me general sweet talk. He told me we should be together. I eventually broke up with my current boyfriend at the time for this guy. When I did, He told me that It wouldn’t work and that I should go back to my ex. He played me and it honestly broke my heart to hear that. Awhile after that, I took a razor blade across my skin again today. That makes eleven new markings upon my wrist.