I don’t know what to say. Damn, I woke up and I felt like this automatically. I don’t love myself. I hate myself. I’ve fucked everything up somehow. I can’t do anything right, I’m ugly, and I”m fat. I always thought that guys would like me more because I am the way I am. I play video games all the time. I’m not girly. I like the color pink, and I like makeup, etc., but I love hunting, and I want to be a vet when I’m older. I’m pretty smart, I guess. I take Pre-AP classes, and I’ve kept all A’s all year, every […]
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Parents
   As I’ve spoken about in previous posts, I’ve had depression, anxiety and paranoid delusions for most of my life and it’s not easy to live with, especially the depression.
    For me, at 11 years old it began with a deep sadness that just never seemed to lift. It spiralled pretty quickly and I began to spend an awful lot of time alone in my bedroom. I felt as though I was the loneliest person in the world because nobody could really relate to what I was feeling. The thing that got to me most was that some people would say things like, “you’re […]
i am 19 years old, I live with mom, my sister studies abroad and my father is rarely home. I have good parents, i know they love me and i know that i love them too. but, i have no idea why every time i’m around my family, especially my mom, i always get pissed, and i’m always angry all the time for no reason. i think a part of me feels that it is kind of my family’s fault because we’re not like a normal family, we don’t go out together, i’m not close with my father and every time i talk with my […]
Ok here is the thing…i have a great family , they love me totally..my hubby is kind and understanding. I have reecently been blessed by a baby boy hwo is just a bundle of cuteness. I am inconstant touch with my parents an brother who care for me deeply. I had a great job..which i hated hwne i had but now that i have been kicked out i realise how good it was. With all these gods blessings…i am totally a fucked up loser. I hate the fact that i cant find another job. I hate my son when heis needy and cries for me. […]
I want to know something …
Is it nice to have both your parents? Is it nice that you’ve never heard them yell or scream at each other? Is it nice that they support you no matter what?
Is it nice to live in that nice house? Is it nice to have lived in the same house you were born in? Is it nice to never have had to pack up and move and leave all your friends and memories behing because your parents couldnt afford your life there?
Is it nice to not worry about how you and your family is going to pay for your college […]
So I haven’t cut in a while. But I had a bad day today and I really, really want to. My parents are trying to help me, but they won’t listen. It’s just question after question. I can’t go to my mom or my dad because neither of them handle stress well, and this would stress them out. Â I want to cry, but I’m too upset to even cry right now. I want things to get better. I miss promises being true. Every time I get a promise now, though, it’s broken. And it hurts. Â I’ve had so many guys that I really, really liked […]
The majority of the posts that I have read are from people in High School. I get it high school is rough. Other students are mean. And you feel Your teachers, parents and family don’t understand you. I was there too at one point in my life. I am hoping that by sharing my story I can give others hope for a better out-look on life. Now before I continue with my story I need to say that I have thought about killing myself, I thought about pain less ways and painful ways. I also thought of ways to make it seem like an accident. But […]
For as long as I can remember, I’ve found myself unable to care or put forth effort for anything. I don’t pursue friendly or romantic relationships, and I don’t have any work ethic for academics or finding any sort of job. I’m a quick learner, so I’ve mostly been able to coast through high school on tests alone, though I’m currently at severe risk of needing to repeat my senior year next year. Due to my lackluster academic record and the fact that my family is barely above the poverty line, I have no prospects for college whatsoever.
The thought of suicide crosses my mind every […]
   A bigot is defined in the online Oxford English Dictionary as:
a person who has very strong, unreasonable beliefs or opinions about race, religion or politics and who will not listen to or accept the opinions of anyone who disagrees.
Why do such people still exist in this world? Haven’t we, as a race, grown up into our adulthood yet, the civilised versions of our cave dwelling former selves? I’m thinking no.
A few weeks ago, while walking to visit my grandparents, my partner and I happened to pass by a group of older teens who were talking about the young man and woman who’d […]
So, my name is Courtney. My friends would tell you that I”m a happy person, always smiling. And I might tell you the same thing, or at least try to. The truth is, I’m depressed. I have been since I was 8 years old. I saw my beloved grandpa die right in front of me. That messed me up badly. Then my dog died. I couldn’t do anything. Then, my grandmother literally went insane and now she wants me dead. The woman who once promised me she would always love me, now tells me that she hates me. Â But things got worse after that. Â I […]
We are the future of us all
we are the generation who is destined to fall
we are the present’s invokable call
we can’t be heard through the last generations wall
we destroy ourselves without remorse
we set sail on an unchangeable course
our parents have made us who we are
they have locked us up behind concrete and bar
suicide and drugs seem our only escape
we all go out with chalk lines and yellow tape
all victims of depression and anger
some are popular some the more stranger
we all grow up whether we want to or not
because […]
How can everything hurt so much while at the same time I feel so numb?
I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll be gone soon (not soon enough, but whatever).
I’ve come to terms that I’m a failure, that I have no purpose, no future, no anything.
I’ve accepted all that.
I’m a disappointment to everyone, not even my parents believe in me anymore. Thanks for that.
My dad asked me today : “When you think of your future, what colour do you see?” I wanted to scream “BLACK, FUCKING BLACK, THE MOST DARK BLACK YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE!” But I didn’t. I got away from the question, […]
I am a cutter. I am 12 years old. I guess I cut because I feel like I am disappointing everyone. Mainly my parents. My sister, and My brother are both straight A students, and I have difficulty in school and my parents don’t understand. They think I’m supposed to be a genius, but I am lazy. But the reality is that I have trouble learning. They won’t let me see my BFFs (the only people that make me happy) because they think they distract me from schoolwork. My friends aren’t really my friends anymore because of that. I also started getting mean notes in […]
I wrote this poem directly after a emotional conversation with my parents and the familytherapist. It was the first conversation and therapy with my parents and the therapist.
Like you have to hold your own mirror in front of you.
So you can see all those negativities.
You have to face them,
but you don’t want it because it only takes you down.
Makes you more depressed and more negative than before,
but it’s the only way to face it.
It’s the only way to get rid of those negativities.
But the fact you want to die more than you did before is the […]
So, here it goes: I’m a failure. I didn’t pass one freaking exam this semester.
Consequence: I get my money cut off. So now I won’t have money for cigarettes, coffee, an occasional night out – pretty much all the little things that were keeping me alive.
I can’t kill myself yet. My mom is not strong enough to be able to take it yet. So that will have to wait for a little bit – no matter how much I wish I could do it now.
Solution: Get a Job. So I’m leaving in a little bit to try and go get job at the casino – […]
So tomorrow ‘s my birthday. I hope it’s better than it was last year.. I had one of the worst years last year and I was hoping this year would be better. I stopped taking my medication and I feel fine. But today I’m thinking I want to die again. I mean I always have my days when I want to end it but today, right now, I want to go to a better place. Somewhere people will stop judging me, somewhere I won’t be afraid to be myself. Somewhere where friends aren’t everything. I want to go to heaven with Jesus my savior. Its […]
I can’t cope, I feel so hopeless and pained. My friend has just publically humilated me with her boyfriends help and got others to join in, she knows how vunreable i am right now and for her to do this hurts so much to me. I want to die, I want to die so badly, I sat in my living room by my family wishing so much that I could walk upstairs and slit my wrists so deep and just bleed to death. I slowly walked upstairs, picked up my razor crying and cut.
But ofcourse I only did it how i usuall did it, staight horizontal lines […]
Being completely alone…it sucks. All of my friends have pretty much stopped talking to me, and they never want to spend time with me. In that time, i tried to get closer to my family…but they would rather watch tv than talk to me. I turn 18 next month, and i’m pushing myself to go on, see if anything gets better after i move out and start college. But i doubt things will change. I keep asking myself “What’s wrong with me?”. I’m pushing myself to keep going because i don’t want to be just another teen suicide story. There’s been too many of those. […]
I like how I can vent about how I’m going to try and suffocate myself tonight. Nobody on here knows who I am. I have the perfect life. Loving family, no real reason to kill myself. Yeah,but I’m delusional. I Am insane. My parents think I’m the happy perfect child with straight A’s but no,I’m not. I have no friends and I barely am able to get up in the morning and go to school another day. I don’t live,I survive. So I decided to die.I’m not sure if ill go to hell or if atheists are right. I’m a very messed up person. My […]
In my family there’s only four. My mother, my father, my sister, and I. Being 10 years apart (my sister and I), I looked up to her, always wanting to be like her, she moved out when she was 18, and I was so excited, and happy for her being independent, and all. Anyways, she moved to a city, we (my father, mother and I) thought she was doing well. She was in Uni, independent, and partying, just like any other young adult, but unfortunatley she was mixing her priorities wrong. Too much partying and not enough studying, lead to her not sending my parents […]