Hi all, Thanx for welcoming me! Actually I was little apprehensive to be the part of this community being a non American/ european (not because I am mentally, emotionally fit 😉 )…
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This site has been helping me so much. Thank you all again. I don’t want I’m trying to say in this post. I just want to post. I’m finding writing difficult today, so it might not make much sense.
I feel like I’m breaking. I don’t want to keep saying the same things over and over. Things are just worse right now. Depression is agony. Any coping tips you use, relaxation videos, $10,000 treatment programs you’re selling, etc, would be greatly appreciated. I’m still practicing meditation and it’s been helping more and more, but these past few days have been so painful. Any addition to what […]
What do you do when you’re divided into two again? When the part that wants to wait and fight is barely heard, and the other part wakes? When you can’t understand the words coming from your mouth… when everything is a blur of colours, noise, confusion and pain, and you stop believing you have the ability to make it end. Do you keep fighting for a forgotten world? Should you be afraid that you’re glimpsing into a past world where control belonged to something else in your mind? Do you listen? It’s like something sharing your mind, some dark, twisted thing, is alive again. It’s […]
I think most people like to think themselves essentially good. They’ve made mistakes. Maybe seriously hurt others along the way. But deep down inside, they mean well.
Suppose you come to realize that what really motivates you is rotten – that it comes from a place of hatred, resentment, fear and selfishness. And as a result you do awful, unforgivable things. Acts that mean others would no longer see you as human, if they knew. What then?
I’m fairly sure that most would feel compelled to end their lives, if they found themselves acting as I have. But then most would never do such things in the first place. When you […]
One of my current first world peeves includes the sent, delivered, and received indicators on messaging applications for smart phones. The two big ones in particular are whatsapp and kik, I find myself in a perpetual struggle to direct my attention away from them. They add an agonizing level of suspense to every conversation, and when on the receiving end they add an overwhelming obligation to reply to every message a friend gifts you. I feel as though I’ve been robbed of my anonymity, and the sanctity of a lie has been turned to rubbish. I can no longer say, “I was away from […]
Ok guys, so this may sound weird, but I’m going for it. I felt a little down in the dumps today (perks of being bipolar) and was thinking about self harming when I just walked outside and felt the breeze on my skin and rays of sunlight kissing my face- I could almost feel Fall hanging in the air. I swear I was just there; I was just a moment in the day in the life of the world and it was good. I glanced towards the sky and the clouds… have I ever seen anything so beautiful? The shades of blues and creams and […]
Okay, please don’t read this unless you are prepared to read a long winded story of my life. Many of you won’t understand and that’s okay.
The relevant part of this story starts in third grade. Back then, everything was bright and shiny, and death unthinkably far off. Sure, I knew it existed, but I never saw it up close. Then, my teacher died of cancer. I get scared, more than the other kids, for some reason. I tell my friends that they should be scared too, that we could die at any moment, and, like third graders, they don’t take me seriously. After a while, […]
It’s safe to say I’ve fucked up my life pretty thoroughly. To the point where it feels like there’s no way back. This is who I am. It’s not some temporary blip. It’s a consistent reflection of my thoughts and feelings.
I’m so far outside normal human life that it’s scary. I turned 28 last week, but a large part of my thinking and behaviour is still trapped in childhood. And I can’t see any way to catch up now. I can fake a degree of social confidence for a while, but it’s easy to see through. I haven’t developed any of the skills that most […]
This is my current muddled understanding of my situation.
A part of my brain (we’ll call it the emotional part) constantly tells me that something is wrong. I am not what I should be. I do not relate well socially. I do not have social status. I do not have real friends. I do not have a mate. I do not have children. I do not anticipate this changing. This is a problem, apparently.
Why is this a problem? The only reasons I can give are evolutionary – that my brain is a product of a process that elevates those who can maintain good social standing, relate […]
I thought this song was so touching and clever that I thought I would post it here to share. Is sung by a cat to his owner about his depression. I’m posting the version with the lyrics because that’s the best part.
I just want to say that I think, for the most part, tough love does not work with people who are going through mental distress. I cannot simply get up and get help. the simple act of getting out of bed is hard. So anything more complex than that is extremely daunting and your tough love isn’t making it seem more appealing.
This has been a big part of my constant thinking and desires of suicide: part of me wants to go out of the house, make friends, do socializing activities, get a job, and pretty much anything that a normal person would – but another part of me hates the world, hates people, is too sensitive, too afraid, too moody and too petrified to set foot out in the world! Every day these two sides battle against each other, some making more ground than others, but in the end I can’t take it and make my attempts to end it.
I come from a religious family who […]
Hey guys sorry I haven’t been writing on here in a while. My junior year of college started a few weeks ago. This past weekend was rough 2nd E.R. visit in two months ( both for different reasons), feeling shitty, Accidentally cut my foot open when I bumped into a glass candle while shopping at bath and body works. The bottom end of it landed on my left foot broken part down. Thank goodness it only left a small scar on my foot, ended up being betrayed by a friend at church that I thought I could trust. Now I keep seeing photos and statuses […]
Not that I think of suicide. Its just that part of life where nothing excites me. I feel no enthusiasm for anything that i can do. Tell me if this feeling is normal so i can keep my sanity in check.
18 here
It’s a bit hard for me to put so much pain into words. But I’ll do the best I can to explain it.
I am not a strong person. I was never a strong person. And by many accounts, I have no right to complain about my lot in life. I’ve traveled to many places, never been physically abused, and I’ve had many things provided for me. I have a roof over my head, and a pantry full of food. My own bedroom to hide away and enough toys to drown my boredom. The simple distractions may work for a time but when you stop feeling, nothing […]
I’ve always had a theory. Our lives comprises of mainly two distinct aspects, “professional” and “personal” and we’ll need either of the two to at least find a reason to survive. Well, I got none at this point. I’m neither a person with an an amazing career worthy of mention or a perfectly polished personality nor am I a happy unicorn with a handful of moments to remember when I die. I feel I’m the poorest among billions of souls in this world right now.I’m scattered in pieces searching for my identity and I feel I’m doing some kind of favor to the world by […]
So, I’m 40. I’m fairly successful, have a girlfriend and a house in a very beautiful part of the US. But I can’t stop crying, if I see a war movie or watch some SVU show I lose it (tho I’ve never experienced either). I think every day about how things would just be easier if I wasn’t here.
I’ve been to doctors, but I largely medicate myself with xanax and tequila.
What the f**k should I do? I want to stop thinking about dying; yet I think about it every day.
I feel like a whiney bastard, but I don’t know how to fix myself.
What would you […]
I haven’t told anyone about cutting myself and how I think of killing myself everyday I was depressed many months ago and I told one of my friends and she helped me she went through the same thing and it’s been a long time that I cut myself and yesterday I cut myself I have a few friends who know I cut myself before so I haven’t told anyone about this and I dont think I want to it’s just who do I turn to there’s one person I want to go to that knows I was depressed before and that I cut myself the […]
The most astounding fact is the knowledge that the atoms that comprise life on Earth, the atoms that make up the human body are traceable to the crucibles that cooked light elements into heavy elements in their core under extreme temperatures and pressures. These stars, the high mass ones among them went unstable in their later years, they collapsed and then exploded, scattering their enriched guts across the galaxy, guts made of carbon, ********, oxygen and all the fundamental ingredients of life itself. These ingredients become part of gas clouds that condense, collapse, form the next generation of solar systems, stars with orbiting planets, and […]
When I’m alone I feel sad, alone but when people come around its like a part of me wants to be happy then another part doesn’t…