My feelings about suicide after a beloved family member took their own life in 2012.
Happier Times
December 16, 2008 – Tuesday […]
Tag:
Peace
I am not a child anymore but you still look at me like one because of my actions that you assume is childish and immature. However, I strongly believe that my actions are rational with deep reasoning that you cannot see or try to understand. All you did in your life was stuff your own logic into me that chocked me and suffocated me to the point that I no longer want to reason with you.
My dear parents, I thank you for giving birth to me and for letting me see this wonderful world which I love but also hate to the extreme. However because […]
Today I woke up feeling great. I have been getting accupuncture and it finally started working. I was date raped 6 months ago and contraced genital warts as a result. It finally cleared up. Felt so good, went dancing with friends. I was completely sober, just dancing and having fun. This guy tries to dance wih us and we move away. All night he keeps bugging us, we ignore him the tell him to leave us alone. He goes and gets his friends. They surround us and contined to harass us. The guy gets in my face. I tell him to leave us alone. […]
Well I’m not sure how much more I can take. The feelings of everyone person hating me for anything is hurting so bad that it feels like I can’t even breathe. The verbal abuse at home and at work is just to much. I know that sounds stupid but it’s constant all day every day. The one person I thought would always be there for me is starting to think I want to stay and live with it. But that’s not true I just don’t have anywhere to go and to think about trying to live with her would be to much on her. When […]
I’ve wanted to kill myself at various times throughout the past 5 years. Â About two months ago I started to become serious about it and began to plan my death. Â This was after I had gotten out of the psychiatric hospital (my 7th hospitalization since 17 years old). Â I was in the hospital for almost 4 weeks and received 6 electro-convulsive therapy treatments. Â I also got put on some new medications which didn’t do anything to no surprise. Â I was however started on adderall which was the only thing that got me out of bed and able two at least go through the motions of […]
Suicide, suicide
Your presence is near
Suicide, suicide
I wish you were here
Suicide, suicide
Take me away
Suicide, suicide
Please make it today
Suicide, suicide
An answer, for me
Suicide, suicide
I need to escape, be free
Suicide, suicide
I’ve had too much
Suicide, suicide
Take me, do your touch
Suicide, suicide
Leave the rest behind
Suicide, suicide
You’re all over my mind
Suicide, suicide
Let me pass in peace
Suicide, suicide
I need to release
I use to be afraid of the dark; not anymore. Now I want to be in the dark all the time, where nobody talks to me and nobody sees me. When I enter a room I search for the darkest corner possible, and stand in it. To get away from the crowd and to remian unseen. Nobody even notices im in the same room as them anyways. I just wish I could be as invisible as I feel. The darkness; its where I get peace, quiet, and best of all, its where I can be alone.
-End
I hate myself, I want to die
No one understands, no one cares
This world would be a better place,
If only I didn’t exist
The pain never stops,
The darkness is closing in
I close my eyes and hope they never open again
I want to scream,
All this rage inside
I wish I had a gun,
To end all this craziness inside in my head
I am so alone,
 So Much emptiness inside
Why can’t anyone here me?
Because nobody cares.
All these tears keep falling,
I wonder how theres any left
My heart is beating so fast,
I feel like it’s slowly breaking
Why can’t it just stop?
To take one last final breath in this world,
Would bring such peace inside
Why is […]
Â
To: Life Â
Â
i wept gently at the sound of her call
i always favored that wide eyed grin
the time they said is now at hand
time for her rest to finally begin
suffering no more, for her at least
letting go all the pain and heartache
i’ll stay with her til the very last moment
for her heart was the claim i did stake
let go i say…please just let her go
theres nothing i can do to change
over and over til i see every color
the memories drowning the pain
can i go on?…do i even dare try
when half of one is […]
My post probably won’t mean a whole lot because I do not know how to put my experiences into words. It’s simply not worth trying to end your life. There is so much to look forward to, even if you’re pretty bad off. Life is too beautiful and it has many things to offer. Don’t do what everyone else wants you to. Especially don’t do what society wants you to. Live your life for YOU and nothing else. I’m happy now because I have figured that out. I have tried so many times to end my life from OD’ing to slitting my wrists. None of […]
I’m trying to be here and be happy but I just don’t know how long I can keep up this lie. I look at the person that really cares about me and feel so bad about lying to them. I’ve lied about a lot and I don’t want to keep lying but I feel that if I tell her what I really have going on in my head I think it would scare her so much she’d be afraid of me. Then just yesterday I did something stupid but she doesn’t know. The other day she asked me if I have been thinking about cutting […]
… I’ve come to realize there is nothing. Really. Nothing.
There is no “signifigant other.” Just a bunch of guys who are after one thing.
There is no sanity. It’s worry after worry after worry.
No peace.
There are days that turn into nights into day. Nothing in between.
I want off this rock.
I’ve failed miserably at everything I’ve touched.
I’ve fucked it all up.
all of it nothing matters no one gives a shit work is all i do used is all i get
tired
I just wrote a post on how my life sucks right now and I managed to lose that by pushing the wrong button. I so suck. Life sucks. So whats the use in living this way. To me, suicide is peace and I need peace.
It’s Jake and I’m proud to say that the site I have created ( jaketalks.web.officelive.com ) is growing in the number of volunteers. This site offers you a place to talk 1 on 1 with real PEOPLE for free regardless of who you are or what you are battling. I hope to hear from some of you that I have grown to care about. You may still e-mail me at jacob.major@stu.oldham.kyschools.us or paintballerspike777@yahoo.com
All are encouraged to visit the site. I hope to hear from those of you that want to talk. Don’t worry about someone force-feeding you any religion or beliefs. We are here […]
I’ve been seeing a shrink at school. She wants to put me on meds for my depression in addition to therapy. It’s a specialized therapy though. Its to change the way I think and percieve things in order to change my life. Depression is my comfort zone. It’s home; where I hide, where I am at peace with death and myself. I don’t think I’m going to go back to see the shrink. Part of me still wonders though: what would life be like if depression WASNT my home anymore…?
<3MisterRiddler
I want to die because I am a fool. I have nothing called life because I am a fool. Because of my clumsiness no one ever loves me. I have no friends. I dont even think of girlfriends. I have been staying with my uncle and his family since first grade and over the years they have only grown to hate me. Every relatives I know hate me. I have never known what is to be loved, and in all these years I have forgotten to love. When you lose your heart the life is not being worth to live. I have also decided never […]
I am as empty as I am alone.15 years of fighting my impulses and depression has left me little more than a shell.I’ve been waiting for life to show me that it’s worth living,but I think I’ve lost the point somewhere along the way.I feel like I’m drowning.I don’t talk to anyone about the way I feel,and noone seems to care.I’ve done and been through so much,but it’s never the good stuff that stays with me.It’s the pain and heartbreak that haunts me.My pain has far outweighed my ability to cope and it seems like things get worse every year.I destroy everything I touch and […]
Older Posts