Carla, my aunt, and Philip my uncle, said that if I drank more thank a 12 pack of cooers light, I’d be banned from drinking here again. Well I took a taxi and for a 12 pack of cooers light PLUS a 2 24 ounces of natural ice (the heavy stuff). I still didn’t get the intoxication that I wanted but I got the best – in retrospect, I should have gone ahead and got a 12 pack of natural ice, since Carla never came down to check on me. Yes I’m an alcoholic but I gotta figure this stuff out myself. Carla, my aunt, […]
It’s been 3 minutes since I walked through the front door and I’m in tears.
i knew I should’ve stayed outside, it took me a while to convince myself to come inside anyways.
First minute:
I walked through the door and the second I do my dad tell me to hurry up and put my backpack down and go see him.
second minute:
i went to go see my dad and he said he has stuff for me to do, I told him he has to hurry because i have a lot of homework tonight and he automatically got mad at me and started yelling at me saying I’m selfish […]
My heart is completely broken. Reality is setting in that I am now single and alone. My heart is pounding but my body feels numb. I can’t even eat, it just makes me feel sick. I’m at work right now wondering why the hell I didn’t just kill myself last night. I can’t handle all of these emotions running through my head. I can’t think straight about what I’m going to do with my life. Leaving is a way out of this all and it seems to be the perfect answer. I just want to be held. I want someone to smooth my hair over […]
being awake doesn’t bother me. I do rather enjoy life. But sleep is just so much better. Something about going to sleep is appealing. If it weren’t for the fact you had to inevitably wake up, it would be the perfect feeling.
Does anyone else feel like every time you wake up to a new day, a little more of you is stripped away? If I could turn down sleep, I probably would. Because every time I wake up, I slowly fall apart more. If sleeping wasn’t a factor then what is left of me would remain in tact. But you can’t stay awake, not forever. […]
I’ve been so focused on music.. And futures.. And now i can’t help but sit here and feel that everything is becoming just pointless. I haven’t had this feeling for a long time. A feeling of wanting to die.
But that’s the problem. I don’t want to die. I just want certain things that don’t exist… I can write songs to try to capture this perfect world.. Or write stories where it’s real… But all of that is just ignoring the reality. The reality that, none of that is real. It’ll never be real.
I see long endless plains and hills in my paradise. Nature everywhere. […]
I’m the past hour alone I’ve cut myself nine times. I’m only doing this to stop a tenth. Or an eleventh. To stop myself until I go somewhere I can’t come back from. Because no matter how much I want to die, I don’t want to let everyone around me know how much I hate myself, and how much I hate how they all so fucking perfect.
I can here with such high hopes and big dreams. I came here expecting things to go well, expecting to make it through with only a few scrapes. Little did I know those scrapes would turn into bullet holes. I’m applying for boarding school, and if I don’t get in, if everything isn’t perfect, it will be the end of the world. There’s no place for me to go after that. Death and failure are the same thing to me now. I’m so scared of what will happen if I fail that I can’t focus on anything else. Right now, it’s either I get in […]
Alright, I’ma try to dedicate this other to this other one.
What makes you beautiful, is the secret inside of you.
You are already, your perfect cathedral.
Don’t change yourself, from being just.
Grow in your nature like you were meant to.
Keep going and someday, life will be beautiful.
Like the way that you told me so.
If you may, may I ask, to pray for me just for tonight.
What makes you beautiful, is the secret inside of you.
I have been laying her for at least 10 hours. I thought it was gonna be an easy night. But of course the voices in my head say otherwise. I look at my dog in envy as he just lays there. I wanna go to sleep. I haven’t had a dream in soooo long. Maybe one day I will. One day it will just be a really long dream that’s perfect just for me. Or is that what heaven is? Maybe on days on earth is just a nightmare and when we wake up…Or what if its just some type of limbo where its just […]
I know a lot of talented people. I’m in junior high, and I already know people who qualify to teach piano, get first place in provincial level athletics, got perfect on their advanced harmony exams, or even first in a nation-wide mathematics competition. Everyone else I know is blessed with some kind of glorious, useful talent. Something that is measurable in levels or ribbons. I get stuck with art. I used to be so proud of my artwork, that I could actually create something that others could enjoy. At the age of 12, I had already started doing commissions and auctions on DeviantArt. I was so pleased […]
I’ve been in a place where I didn’t want to be here like I was in every ones way like I had no place to fit In… I still am, but many people that have the most perfect life, family, friends, relationship. don’t understand why we cut our wrist why we starve ourselves why we lock our self up for no one to see just to be alone forever. Nobody knows how many times we cry in our rooms when no ones watching…This lifestyle that we are in isn’t a choice we didn’t want this for our self or for anyone but perfect people […]
I understand some people use their struggles to motivate them. However I don’t want to face them and no matter what I can’t feel motivated. I just don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t have any lasting reason to be here anymore. I can’t deal with or understand my disgusting, divorced parents and what game they are playing. I can never talk to my perfect older sister or my stubborn little sister. I’ve tired to talk to my perfect sister and when I start talking about myself for too long, she changes the subject to her lol. Then I try to talk to my […]
I just want to die . You know it’ll be so much better i belive , no pain just peace.
No worrying about life and people surrounding me.
I can’t remember the day i was really fulfilled of happines .
Life became this scary dream that I can’t seem to wake up from.
Everything just seems to go over and over the same pattern everyday.
Sleeping for ever yeah, that will be perfect.
Be human, they always said. Even when they held me in that bed and punctured my skin with some rusty nails. Be human, they repeated, as they tattooed that triangle in my back and told me that I would be perfect…with those…those things in my head and a black ooze in my veins. They said that those voices that haunted me were just computers repeating what I though, feeding from a certain emotion that they were made to target. Then they said I was the perfect hunter, the pacifier that would save mankind. They said that I was going to be the one that would […]
So, I was thinking about telling my mum that I want to start going to therapy. But I have no clue whether seeing a therapist would help me at all.
I feel I have quite a few issues, and I’d like to talk to someone who knows what they’re doing, and maybe get a possible diagnosis for something, so I know I’m not crazy.
I’d like to be able to discuss the fact that I’m not happy with the way I look and feel, and how this has an effect on everyday things. Most days, I don’t want to go outside because people will see […]
I am a 16 year old girl (will be 17 in 2 days), and well, what can i say, i am depressed and have suicidal tendencies.
Though i probably have everything, perfect scores, bunch of friends, money, and complete family, i feel this emptiness inside me. Every single day i know and i feel that something is eating away my hope inside me. I dont have the spark in my eyes anymore. I’d cry my eyes out until i fall asleep, i overthink it kills me, and i am highly emotional. I get angry and sad in a matter of seconds.
Perfect scores doesnt mean im happy. […]
I hate when people tell me to be myself the judge me for it. I’m sorry i’m not perfect i’m sorry i have flaws, wtf am i suppose to do or be to be loved.
*From left to right; Xiumin (EXO-M), Luhan (EXO-M), Kris (EXO-M), Suho (EXO-K), Lay (EXO-M), Baekhyun (EXO-K), Chen (EXO-M), Chanyeol (EXO-K & my 2nd bias), D.O. (EXO-K & my 3rd bias), Tao (EXO-M & my bias), Kai (EXO-K) and Sehun (EXO-K & maknae)
*Luhan and Kris left the group last year (2014).
*EXO-K promotes in Korea, while EXO-M promotes in China.
My life has gotten better. I’m not sure if I’m still depressed but I can say I’ve been pretty happy these past few weeks. I’m not gonna lie, though. […]
I’m at wits end. I don’t deserve anything. I don’t deserve happiness. I don’t deserve a job I can live off of. I don’t deserve a place to live. I don’t deserve love. I don’t deserve anything apparently. I try so hard, but I’m worthless, useless, ugly, no one would ever want me. I know I shouldn’t do this but I want to prove that I’m right, and show you just what an ugly, hideous, wretched monster I am. I’m not mad at the person I love. I’m mad at the universe or any higher power that made me this way. Why make me dream […]
what do you think of life?…
has it treat you well?…
are you happy the way your life is?…
everyone knows that life is not perfect….
who knows……
is yours?
if it is then I’m happy for you..
if it is not then I do hope you find your way……
see ya…….
in the next life……