‘ What is it then?’ It is the only way a powerless person can find to make everybody else look away from his shame. The wish is not to die, but to hide.
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person
It’s taken quite a while to get Login details sorted out, but finally here I am. I’ve read other people’s posts for a several months, but it is good to have a voice on SP at last. So hello to everyone.
What brought me here is probably the best place to start my tale. I was searching on the Web for methods, and SP was one of the results because of the word ‘suicide’. It’s good for people to have somewhere they can go and discuss freely what’s happening to them and not have to bottle things up inside.
Anyway, back […]
I should never have been born. No one deserves to have to put up with me. I ruin everything and I’m so, so sorry. I can’t wait to be able to die; I’ll ruin more things but at least then I won’t have to be aware of it anymore.
The worst feeling in the world is to hear the person you love most trying not to cry and knowing it’s your fault. I wish dearly I’d never been born and I think soon I’ll fix that error.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Anyone have any ideas for social interaction online? I mean a place that placates to the mentally ill, but is already well established. I just want to talk to some people, my social issues are too much to handle in real person, and I am just kinda lonely.
Any tips would be appreciated.
This Won’t Make One Bit of Sense… I’m writing things as they pop into my head
by lanegirl
written by lanegirl
I’ve been asking my parents to take me to a psychologist for the past four years. Today they told me I have an appointment next week, I was happy at first, then they told me the day of my appointment and I got scared.
I have too many things on my plate…
I used to enjoy going to my Forensics practices, it was a time where I got to swear, scream, cry and just be who I am inside without anyone knowing. Now, I have to be patient, not be so dramatic. For FUCKS sake, how am I not supposed to be dramatic? Seriously, my category is Drama! I […]
The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window […]
At this point I’m trying to find a way of telling my mum I want to leave I can’t take it no more I guess I found the love of my life and I sabotaged the relationship by cheating on her I didn’t want my kids to come from a broken home now they have iv become everything I feared why do men cheat ? Why do we get tempted so easily? just the thought of her loving someone else is killing me let alone another person raising my kids the emotional pain is far worst then the psychical pain love really dose hurt I’m […]
really bring out the darkness inside me. I try so fucken hard to excel to be a better person in spite of all the fucked up things that are my life. I try to be more understanding, forgiving, helpful, kind but GOD WTF is the point?!!!! People abuse the fuck out of that!!! WHY!??? I’m tired of trying to be the exception of trying to be one of the good people left but it is truly exhausting and hard and I want to give in. Seriously fuck it I’ll just be a selfish asshole like everyone else in the world. I have feelings for someone […]
Today i realized something. Most people i know think i’m a heartless person. Of course they think this because they do not know what my stepfather did to me. they don’t know what it was to know that you had to give everything up in order to save your brothers and mother. you know what really sucks of that? that those brothers i tried to protect don’t know who i am. They don’t even remember who their big sister is. They just know i’m the girl that “betrayed” their mother. that what mom’s made them believe. And that hurts. But can you really blame me […]
Every day I have to tell myself that today is the day that I’m going to turn it all around. I say that I’m going to win all the battles of my day, I’m going to make all the right decisions instead of panicking in every other moment and getting trapped in a shell of anxiety and worthlessness.
The situation would be bearable if I was making progress or winning. But I’m losing. Life is kicking my ass and I just want to call quits. I’ve been trying for long enough. If I was meant to make it and be normal I wouldn’t be in this […]
I’ve become a different person to who I was when I first came here and that’s a good thing. I still crave emotion and pain and fear as a a substitute for the other emotions missing from my life, but I no longer contemplate killing myself. I don’t know how, I haven’t received therapy, I haven’t changed much around me, but I’ve grown because I stuck it out and even now things aren’t perfect but I’ve been able to help and understand so many other people because I didn’t let myself die.
please take the time to reconsider, things do change for the better or worse, […]
I want to pin you down
and kiss the breath out of your lungs
You’re perfect-
I mean it
To me, you always will be.
I knew that you were a beautiful person
From the moment I met you-
I could feel it.
I think-
you complete me.
The void is gone
when I’m with you.
Nothing hurts anymore.
I think-
I was wrong
It’s too much
You’re too much,
I just-
I want to be there for you,
I really do
And I want to love you
Unconditionally,
But
I’ve let you down
(too many times).
I know I promised,
but as you said,
I’m like the rest.
You should hate me.
Why don’t you hate me?
Just
Stop
Please
I think-
It’s better we never speak again
Guess I’m going to “beat this dead horse” a bit more, sorry AgentQ.
Short sequence of events from approximately late o’clock last night/this morning:
– Put on some chill and somewhat sad music and decided to check SP (I like to be thematically appropriate, what can I say).
– Noticed that “twix this rainbow” had been blowing up the forum, post after post. Wondered what was up.
– Realized what was up.
– Read the posts from the beginning, tears occasionally springing up here and there.
– Thought and wondered for a bit, considering the possibility that the person whose words I had just read had died or at least had […]
It’s weird how at times I get these incredible insights about my life, how it’s OK that I’m in the final days of my nearly 57 years. That this is the natural, organic conclusion of my life. I’ve lived long enough. And although it’s sad in a way, death is also not to be feared, but anticipated. I am witnessing myself in my end days. My decline and degenerative process are so apparent to me. I have no appetite and have lost the ability to digest food, so I am incredibly weak. My bladder and bowels have stopped working, I pee once or twice a […]
Thought it was as good a day as any.
The day of love.
I class myself as a very loving compassionate person,
so why not also die on a day that represents me.
Some may have seen a positive post I wrote.
Well guess what? It didn’t last. All happy days must come to an end.
I haven’t been on here for a few days because I smashed my computer
so had no way of accessing this site.
I had a rage attack which ended in me attempting to end my life
but yet again was intervened.
So everyone, as much as I try to be positive and make others feel better,
I’m unable to do […]
I don’t understand why I always manage to mess things up i found someone who understands me loved me and was there for me but I sabatage the relationship that there is no coming back this time I can’t for give my self I would rather just disappear it’s almost been a year and time isn’t healing anything how can u let go of a person if u love them
If you knew that no one misses you, and noone would miss you when you are gona, except maybe those who are biologically programmed to, like parents etc. What would you do?
Off late this has been a reccurring thought. Cus i am that person you know, whos there, like whos not making the world better , or the person who is never gonna make a difference, the person who just exists. For no reason. Like a speck of dust floating around.
What would happen if i do get the guts to kill myself, not that i ever would, but i like to think about it a […]
Do you ever feel like there is nothing left for you to do,
That everything inside of you has been let go of and you can’t fix yourself anymore than you have tried?
Believing in yourself had an expiration date for me; the day I was born.
Or maybe it was the day I realized I could never be a kid in my family. That I would always have to be some part-adult to take care of the adults around me. And with all of this responsibility I lost myself along the way, I was eliminated and there was no telling to what I had […]
Proof that I’m the ugliest person alive comes from the other side too. I have nothing against this guy at all, so it’s not that. Another transguy I know got featured in a popular news source for being a hot transguy and he’s about as big as I am. How is it that other big people can be good looking but I’m always told how ugly I am?? What is really so wrong with me????
I can’t deal with it if I think of it any more than that. I’m sick of being the ugliest person on earth. I’ve taken .5 and .4 of my testosterone […]