Maby its time to tell why I am here. My brother killed himself a week ago. He didnt leave a note he didnt tell me, that anything is so very wrong. I knew that he is depressed, because he was in his room all day doing nothing. Hes moode changed super fast … But last couple of months he seemed much better, like he finnaly made peace with the world. I get it now… I read a few pages he wrote. He thought nobody loved him – I LOVED HIM!!! I still do… He decided to kill himself till july and didnt want anyone to […]
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Phone Call
When I started high school I was a normal girl, I liked to laugh and make people laugh, I was loud but it wasn’t an obnoxious loud I just spoke my mind. But I started high school in a small town where everyone knew everyone and they didn’t accept outsiders, I was the outsider. I got bullied every day, by second semester I was tired of it. I felt bad for being weak under the pressure, so that made me feel worse. IÂ was always very insecure about my weight but it got worse in ninth grade, I took handfuls of diet pills everyday. I started […]
For a long time i have felt but a hollow shell and unwanted/loved. NO matter what the incident is I am the one who is to yell at. Feeling unloved by my parents is the worst, I have never lived up to my sisters, straight A students, went to college, got good jobs. Me i don’t even get a second look by my parents. Listening to all the accomplishments my sisters have is annoying. I had always showed my love towards my family but since birth i was hated. Locked outside to “play” while my sisters watched TV. Sent to my room where their was […]
Ever since I was 12 I wanted a wife, kids, and to be a doctor.  It was the perfect life to me, to have all that happiness as soon as possible.  I’m with the girl of my dreams, the girl who can be the one.  She even use to say she wants all of that…with me.  Starting two months ago though she seems to be ignoring me and not talking to me like she use to.  The anniversary rituals seemed to have stopped.  I went to the hospital today and she was worried and was talking to me more than she has been.  It made […]
I was bullied at school, wasn’t overly popular at college, only had a few ‘friends’ at Uni, got married but felt distanced at the wedding reception as though I didn’t fit in and now doing a masters degree to try and get a better job- and I don’t ‘fit’ anywhere.
I just feel so lonely all the time. I am a genuinely nice person, I want to help other people and be there for them.. but I guess it’s because i’m trying to feel that back and it never comes.
I have always felt like I have never belonged to this world, like […]
Every 56 days, I donate blood to the American Red Cross. I’m 17 and I’ve done this ever since I was eligible, there’s something amazing about it, it’s the simplest thing, yet it saves up to 3 lives each time. At first it didn’t seem like much, but after donating 5 times I got a phone call thanking me for saving the lives of 15 people throughout my county. I can’t put into words the feeling I get knowing that as long as I stay alive, the more lives I can save. Last March I was going through a really rough time, the only thing […]
I need too really clear my  head of the thoughts of suicide that are running threw my head. I had a plan too go when I got home and the only reason I am staying here is because I am still in love with my ex boyfriend and he said he was coming too visit me and even though he hasn’t told me when I am still going too hold on until that happens I am sick of being in this unhappy relationship with the guy I am with now. with him I do not feel happy I feel very invisible and he does not […]
I forgot to tell many shitty things on my last post, like… I was really depressed bcuz many friends left me, and i chose to give my gf a better life in exchange for hell for myself. so i decided to go to a party with people i knew and the other 600 or something. late that night, i was real happy, not drunk, just a little bit dizzy. and it was reeealy cold outside, hey its norway:P but on the way i heard yelling, and i was like, god no, why… so i turned around and saw two elder boys come at me and […]
The reason my sleeping fucked up in the first place is because I’d spend countless nights awake, convincing my friend not to cut her arms, or take too many pills. I never wanted to wake my mum, brother and sister, so I’d hang out of my window to keep it quiet, this didn’t help the fact that the conversations with her were extremely triggering, and I’m already suicidal, and sitting in an open window. bad idea, right?
I skyped with strangers, making sure they were okay, friends from my area would tell me whats wrong, and I’d rush to their house to make sure they were okay. […]
i haven’t been on here in months. didnt go to school for two weeks and nobody even noticed. Not one message, nor one single phone call. Proof no one cares about me. No one will miss me when I die, and I think the time for me to do so is now.
It all started at the beginning to high school, 9th grade.
I fit in perfectly, I made new friends everyday, hung out, went to parties, dated. Normal stuff that people would expect a normal teenager girl to do. But…I wasn’t exactly happy. Sure during the moment of all those parties and drinks and even experimenting with weed a few times (nothing I’m proud of anymore) I was happy. But after that adrenaline rush went away, and I sat in my bed looking up at my bedroom ceiling, I knew I wasn’t happy.
I guess I could say it started when I met Joe. He wasn’t someone that went to my […]
You’re not as alone as you feel right now…
I know you feel as if you’ve been cast out to sea, treading water for years and years, and you’ve lost faith in a rescue boat headed your way.
I know the waves are crashing over your head as I type this. Your limbs are aching, and your burning lungs are filled with the salty ocean.
I’ve been there. You aren’t sinking, because my hand is out… I’m just waiting for you to grab hold.
You don’t know me, and I don’t know you. I do know that I care. If you’ve read my previous posts, […]
These days, my life is insignificant in the eyes of those once important to me. I was once a single-serving entity. Now, I am nothing more than distant memories of what used to be; the whole “shadow of former self” complex, which was and is, itself, a single-serving disposition.
Though it shouldn’t be such a surprise, people are often single-serving towards one another. The cab driver takes you from your house to the airport; the telemarketer stoically asks you how often you drink milk on weekdays; the flight attendant idiotically smiles as she asks you what you would like to drink […]
When i first decided to stop drinking and eating entirely I made the decision to die, at the time that I began my painful journey I had already felt no need to eat anything at all, the thought of a big juicy hamburger nauseated me. With many of those seeking a chance to escape, I plea with you to decide between Irrational Suicide and Compassionate death, I know that it may sound ridiculous to for whatever reason to willingly kill yourself, period. Many people who take this path are those who are already dying and have wanted to shorten their suffering, this is the difference […]
I haven’t been paying my student loan. I CAN’T pay my student loan. Dad found the letter from.. well, whatever that place is called in english.
Mom has me calling the student loan people, but i can’t. I can’t dial the fucking phone!
When she first confronted me, i just.. flipped. Started crying and what not, and she said some mean things, saying how none of her kids ever grown up, and she’s right. I’m 21 and i can’t make a fucking phone call.
In the end i wound up screaming to her about how I’ve been wanting to kill myself since i was 12, but […]
My name is Pete. Everyday I think about that day. I was reminded again today as I watched the news of Junior Seau. I pray for his family and his children. I had a difficult childhood especially high school. Little did I know that once high school is over a whole new life begins. No more harrassment no more bullying. I have read many posts on this site and I decided to write today!!!
On May 20, 2009, I got a phone call from my dad. He informed me that something was not right! It was a weird phone call because my dad nevers calls me. […]
I was doing very well. I applied to join the Navy, took the tests and aced them. Got told I had about a 2 year wait, ok, that’s fine. I knew that I’d fail the medical if I didn’t get off my meds soon, so I told my doctor that I wanted out because I was feeling better, and I WAS.
This was about a month ago, I suppose, although I’m not sure. Time doesn’t seem to move in the same way anymore. I’ve been driving people away, I’ve been called “inappropriate”, “offensive”… “a drunk”… I tell myself that I’ve always been the type of […]
My name is Jessica. I am 13 years old and I’m a very sad person. I’ve hurt loved ones, been hurt, and been abandon by the only people I’ve trusted.
When I was 6, my parents split up. It was a very hard time for my brother and I. He was only 8. I don’t really remember much, just one day I came home from school and my father told me that if he and my mom got into one more fight, he was leaving us. The following day, he kept his word. They worked out custody and all that, and I lived with my mom […]
I’ve wanted to die since I was 17. That was the first time I tried but I was just sick all night.
I remember all the negative about the past and it is hard to concentrate on the positives.
I took speed a couple of weeks ago and felt like I had instant happiness. People said that I made them laugh. If only they knew how I want to be out of this eternal pain.
I have a friend who is always saying that she doesn’t eat properly. Well I don’t. I exist on nourishment drinks and bananas cos I have no appetite.
My psychiatrist is good. She is […]
His voice is still ringing in my head. I lost the most amazing person on febuary 6, 2011. he told me to never give up, but i cant do it anymore. i need to see him one last time, and tell him i love him. i just want to see his smiling face, and hearing him knock on my window on late summer nights wanting to go riding, and sitting in his truck singing taylor swift songs wearing cut offs and teeshirts. i miss him so much.
losing him was the worst thing ever. Getting the call in class and hearing he put a gun in […]
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