I want to die, but I don’t want to fuck it up. Helium hood, pills, slit wrists, even asphyxiation with semi suspended hanging and other variations, drowning….so much can go wrong i don’t want to wake up in the hospital with my world in even worse ruins. I’ve been there 8 times to date. I’m done with that. I don’t want sympathy, empathy, anything, I just want to die. I can’t get a hold of a secure source for cyanide or ******** as they can steal your money and leave you dry–already lost hundreds that way. I don’t know what to do. No subways where […]
Tag:
Pills
it’s been awhile since i posted on here. I guess things are going okay, Ive had a lot going on lately actually
first off, ive had two of my close friends (both guys) confess to me that theyre suicidal and one told me that he had just took pills and i freaked out. i couldnt lose another friend, i wouldnt be the same if i was the only one who knew. and his reasons were the same as the other two boys who suceeded in the past two years. My other friend ruined it with his girlfriend and hes been dying everyday because she wont even […]
Has anyone else ever taken an Ambien? One pill knocks me out within 15 minutes. That’s not the interesting part. The interesting part is that it wipes out all memory for those few minutes leading up to unconsciousness.
I know it would take at least 1000 pills to kill me, so that’s not what I’m posting about. But something about those few minutes of blackout is interesting. People who have seen me on ambien say i just lie down and I’m out cold, no amout of noise or shaking can get through.
What if, for example, I were to take a dozen pills and then go swimming […]
If I was just a bit skinnier.. Just a bit smarter.. Just a bit funnier.. Maybe, just maybe, she’d like me more then him.. But I’m not. And she doesn’t.
Just the thought of her with him makes me wanna overdose on my antidepressants. She is my world. My everything. And my everything has left and now I’ve got nothing. Which leads me to believe there’s nothing left to live for. Nothing to let go. So why the fuck is it so fucking hard to do so?
Why can’t I walk away from nothing when my everything just walked away from me? Why can’t I just […]
i want to cut severely deep.
i want to hit myself with the hardest things, as hard as i can.
i want to drown in my tub with heavy rocks holding me down.
i want to never speak again.
i want to take all the pills i can find.
i want to purge until my throat is raw.
i want to never eat again.
i want to say good bye and mean it.
i want my body to fail me.
i want the blood to keep pouring.
i want the darkness to eat me alive.
pulling me further and further down.
i will be no more.
nothing.
gone.
if only […]
So I’m 14, I know too young to be feeling this way. But I have no confidence I cant stand looking in the mirror I hate myself. I’ve been breaking down a lot, nothing but crying this isn’t the first time but its never been this bad. I literally have been having suicidal thoughts everyday, its gotten to the point to where I almost started crying in school today. I barely started cutting again. I had stopped in like November-ish of last year I think. But its been awhile and I started up again like in April I think. I’ve written so many suicide letters its ridiculous. […]
My family hates me and I hate them.
I have no job.
I have 1 friend, but I am rapidly bringing her down to my level.
My purpose in life just got smashed. I realized it’s a lie and I’ve wasted my entire life on it.
I am not afraid of death. Death is the only thought that comforts me.
If there is a god, I want to meet it so I can kick its ass.
I am in physical pain 24hours/day from an accident.
My insurance runs out soon and I won’t get any more physical therapy or pain meds.
I am getting evicted […]
i found this website by searching for ways to overdose on pills so i decided to make an account to see if it would help but, now from reading other posts from people that are around 30 and over that i cant relate to in debt and what not, it just makes me feel even more alone. I’m only 13 and i really shouldn’t be deserving any of the crap i get. I know that people have it worse than me but right now, i should be worrying about boys and whatever a 13 year old girl worries about, i shouldn’t be worry about hiding my scars. […]
lat night , i broke down , and cried my eyes out , thinking of everything that’s been happening , and i grabbed my picture frame , and threw it against the wall , it broke , and i sat down by the glass , and stared balling my eyes out even more ,  i put my hands down and felt glass all around me , from the mirror i broke earlier ( i usually brake things to keep me from taking out out on myself , ) and so i sat there and started slamming my writs into the glass ,  and i stared bleeding , a […]
I just want it over, the pain and loneliness.. just to end. I get up, I do what is expected, and I wait.. and wait, and wait some more. I married, for the third time, a widow twice. Want a divorce, but it just is not worth the effort, there would not be anything any better later. I’ve thought about ending it over the years and always said I couldn’t do that to others, but who are the others? There’s no one here, no one to find me, or to give a shit. I just want to go home and be with Jim. I lied […]
I’m a 17 year old girl, and I’m still alive. I suppose I should start off with the positives.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression a year and a half ago, and most of my friends know. I don’t have the energy to do any work at home, and at college I can’t concentrate and just keep having to go to the toilets and cry. I’m going to fail all my exams, I’ve accepted that, and for the moment I’m just trying to concentrate on staying alive. I want to drop out and get a job, but I would keep breaking down and crying there too […]
i wish i could drink to the last drop..just get drunk everynight..to forget everything, to get some sleep..
the hangover..i dont mind, it’s easier to deal than this life.
music and pills are my  best friends.
No one knows, Â i’ve been pretendingt that i’m happy, Â masking things with smiles.
i wish i could vanish, dissapear …even better if i could die in no time.
death somehow is so peaceful, no yesterday, no tomorrow, just a silent stage and place …with no more pain and tears.
So I’m know I’m not the only one who is actively wishing and hoping that my life turns around soon and I magically become happy, or simply find a few real world (offline) friends to ease the feelings of loneliness….and yet while waiting for this to happen, wouldn’t mind if my life would just end.
I do not want to “commit suicide” though, because I know the pain this causes from family experience and I don’t want my family to know I was selfish enough to do that to them. Â But drugs – well an accidental overdose isn’t QUITE the same. If I overdose on pills, […]
Huh? Funny. Not.
As of today I had a taste of that one step of ‘that-edge-of-the-cliff-stairwell’.
Just a taste, I’m still not sure if I’m ready to accept the To be/feel Disregarded step.
I’m not making sense. Because my mind is quite jumble as to what’s happening. I can feel the despair eating my insecurities.
My fingers are part of my emotion not my mind. I keep on typing, typing.
My God, I think I’m getting mad. As in the ‘nutcase’ kind.
This is to fast. Everything’s happening too fast. I’m not ready. I’ll never be ready.
That bottle is just there, a few steps away. 14 paces to be exact.
It […]
I am 17 in the evelenth grade, I have a 2.66gpa rigth now and after taking studying for the act… I got a 19…. I am not the smartest kids… In fact I come clost to down rigth dumb….I procrastinate aLot ….sleeping takes up Lot of time..but sleep is the only thing that keep me from thinking and crying…..but lately I can’t sleep I just cry and think all nigth… It’s making me dizzy in the Morring….
I find life to be joy less …. I am going to circles…. Friendship is pointless even for the few friends I do have… Even to my best friend… […]
It can always be worse, I mean I could not have legs or something. But the idea of outward problems that can easily be identified seems so much Better than what I suffer with. It’s those little inward things, that eat you out slowly, dying on the inside, dominated by things that shouldn’t own me. I’ve attempted suicide, I’ve drank too much took too many pills. I’ve hurt myself just to feel something, and speaking from experience it doesn’t work. Whatever’s on the other side has to be better than what’s going on for me over here. I can honestly say that I don’t have […]
yeah so shit i remember last yr shit ive been a member of this site for a year now. damn yeah so lets start there then..ive grown up so much and at the same time hit rock bottom.
last yr i was being bullied for being fat at the same time i was starving myself and working myself to the max to get thin. i did it. then one bite of food became an addiction over this past yr now i have start over with that.
last yr i was scared to leave the house. now this yr i leave and i tell haters to […]
This seems like the only safe place to actually share my pain without a bunch of interfering phone calls and ER visits. I’ve lurked here for months because most of you get it. I’m so tired of hurting. So fucking tired of always hurting. I tried last month but yeah pills don’t work so well. Woke up after three days. I hate this
Why is it now that I am faced with my past and what I have done? Why couldn’t it have happened earlier or later? I was already in a state of some sort of depression, and now this? I don’t understand, and I am now carrying the famous ‘ball and chain’ my father has spoken of many times in the past. I have set my goals and made plans, but I thought that’s all there was to it, besides the occasional struggle (people judging you, speaking against you, blah blah blah). I thought that people around me would be my struggle on the path to […]
….I’m afraid to live. But I guess I am going to try. I tried to kill myself by overdose but it didn’t work and I had to spend some time in a mental place. To say the least, it didn’t do a thing. I am still depressed, and occasionally I still want to just stop living. The only reason I don’t kill myself is because I have people I love. I can’t hurt them. I am on different pills now, but I have issues staying asleep and have started having panic attacks. I want therepy but we can’t seem to set up a meeting. […]