Hey SP, I am still alive and these are the reasons why I didn’t end my life.
The support and advice from people, and not people like friends and family, but you, the ones on SP, and for that, THANK YOU!!!
Belief in high power and I believe there is a reason for everything
And the fear of failing. Â Failing of ending my life because if I fail, then I will be judged by everyone who knows me.
I’m not going to get depression, death and evil in my life win this fight,
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/intensify.mp3
So, here’s a little diddy I’ve composed. Just wanted to prove I can string together a coherent concept. I’ve titled it “Intensify” because it starts out with arpeggios, then chords, then power chords.
Again, this is a raw recording. I didn’t bother polishing it.
They always hurt, no matter what. Any positive emotions always seem to lead to negative emotions of equal or greater power. So I want to get rid of them. I’ll take a damn lobotomy if I have to. I just want to be rid of them for good. They cause nothing but problems and pain.
It’s times like this when my issues bubble and cause so much havoc and yet I can’t say anything about it.
The company I work for does this volunteer thing where we go to schools and promote stuff to kids. I like the concept of it and truly wish I could properly do it without being anxious, paranoid nor get numb, but I don’t have the power to do that.
Can I explain that I’m not fit for what I signed up for… Sigh…
The Count begins and ends at Zero.
They don’t see,
don’t hear,
don’t feel
don’t understand… US!
With gouged eyes,
crushed throats,
scarred hearts
and broken minds… Scream and Cuss!
High on their happy ignorance,
arrogance blinds them
to the reason.
Treated like lepers,
only we see the truth
falsified as lies.
In the name of progress,
they dance off the cliff called Advancement.
In the name of freedom,
we run to the embrace called Death.
They desire power.
We desire peace.
I really don’t know how I used to purge it’s so fucking hard now mayb because I’m getting older or weaker ? I have lost the will to live so I guess the will power has gone to so unless a miracle happens or I get it right next time I’m going to be fat and depressed no i won’t let that happen il kill myself before that happens hope I get the strength to get it right because watching my weight gain slowly is like a slow suicide in its self And people say things get better being alive is a living hell !!!
Mkay. I made it official last night that “Let’s Chats” were a thing now especially when it comes to me. Its early as fuck 7:15am to be exact and I’m like super tired I have the power to control my niece and nephew XD (I put my hand on their faces and I was like sleeeeeep)
Remember embrace your inner weirdo
Note I’m on my mobile phone so I probably won’t reply as quick….
-Suicide
I don’t want to build a spaceship that travels at the speed of light or create replacement organs. I don’t want to figure out a clean abundant power source or a better way to grow produce either. I don’t want to do any of that nor do I want to participate in this stupid Capitalist system. I really don’t want to explain how socialism is not the same thing as communism and why a socialist president would benefit a semi-Capitalist America.
I don’t even care about the fact I was a guinea pig for now-commonly-used prenatal devices in Cali or the fact I helped preserve my […]
By the power invested in me, I now pronounced you blocked and deleted…you may now KISS MY ASS!!!!!!
Hello my fellow survivors of deepression 🙂
If you were a superhero, or super sexy not so villain villain, who’s one purpose was to combat suicide and depression
What would be your super power and how would you use it?
I complain about my job all the time and I’m sorry. But today I came across some new things.
Today, I had access to Z’s computer. I looked through her IM’s between her and T and they’re all complaining about me or making fun of me.
I don’t know if there’s a reason I’m here
I feel the only thing that’s driving me is reason and fear
And seeing death to me conceivably near
So I don’t give a fuck what you think about me reaching for beer
I don’t worry anymore about what my friends do
I have a more urgent matter to attend to
Is there something there bigger when I die and vanish?
That weaves everyone and everything into a canvas
I’m not smart enough to think I have a resolution
I’ll never be a man with mediocre constitution
My father told me that blood and power intoxicate
The way I perceive reality is troubling. I don’t know if it’s that I have an unrealistically bleak outlook, or that I’m too emotionally weak to accept the truth. But it’s hard to get my head around.
It seems to me that humans are evolved to seek advantage in whatever way we can. We find our place within the social structure, and then develop ways of pursuing power and status. These ways can be hugely diverse and obscure, but what links them all is some demonstration of fitness. Maybe we cultivate our appearance. Our sense of humour. Athletic prowess. Our knowledge. Or our artistic talent. Our […]
cause of death: natural cause-depression.
save us all the fucking drama.
A lone figure is seen walking to an abandoned village and says quietly, “This village… The buildings are fine but the people are… Their bodies look like unwrapped mummies.”
While walking, the figure hears what sounds to be crying and laughter mixed together then walks towards it, curious.
Suddenly the sound stops and a seated man surrounded by corpses says in a hoarse voice, “Who are you? Has the government finally come to kill me? Good, I need to atone.”
Figure: “No, I’m not here to kill you. I’m a sinner just like you. In fact, I’ve also destroyed an entire town. However, you aren’t to blame for […]
Just a rant. Sorry it’s so long. Read it if you want.
I think it’s time for me to go. I cant take this. Everything I do. Every single thing I do. Is wrong. I’m really tired. I really.feel like I don’t belong anywhere. And that feeling is trapping. And I hate feeling trapped. I can’t trust anyone. I’m always afraid of what everyone thinks of me. I’m tired of being judged. I always feel like I’m being.judged. it’s time for me to go. This whole “staying positive ” bullshit just isn’t for me. I’m feeling sick. Like I want to break down. […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
These past few days I’ve been trying to stay as positive as I can. Thinking positive thoughts, trying to smile more (even if I don’t feel like smiling)But, it’s getting harder and harder to keep smiling, when all I want to do is the exact opposite. I try to say positive quotes in my head but it’s like my negative thoughts over power my positive ones, and I end up listening to them. How do I stay positive, when my mind is trying so hard to fight me? How do you guys stay positive? What makes you smile, when you’re depressed, and have no hope? […]
I can’t stand being in love with the most gorgeous and sexiest man alive because he’s untouchable and is forever doing everything in his power to find the girl that fits his mile long checklist of criteria she would have to meet to be perfect in his eyes, when I’m right here by his side wishing I could touch him. This is torture and I can’t turn off my feelings because I’m so close to him and I’ve never been so close to anyone before. I really wish it would go away or that I could switch it off. It still makes me want to […]
I think… feel… know I’m worthless. This feeling of worthlessness  does not solely originate from external factors. I’m a lazy sonofva, an unmotivated fool, a academically inept, and pretty much a waste of space of a human being. Those are some the sources of my pitiful wanting to end it all. However, as weird as it may sound, when I “tried” to actually “end it”, at the moment of knowing it will all be over, I felt joy, relief, and “not” depressed. Obviously I am still alive evidenced by me typing and sharing this and also I’m not in a hospital or any medical institution. […]
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