Dear mind,
Dear mind, why do you present me with the same old questions I can never find an answer for ?…
Dear mind, why do you continuously spin and make me feel like this room of silence is a room full of sin?
Dear mind, why do you continue to play these scenes and make me hear all these foul things?
Dear mind, please let me escape just this one night, so maybe I can find some sort of fight??
For the time being, I am here. Death scares me enough to make life seem worth enduring. But you can’t live like that, day to day. You can’t live purely to postpose the negative. The mind needs something positive to drive it.
So…happiness. Peace. Being truly present in the moment, without feeling the need for a way out. Feeling comfortable in your own skin. Feeling truly glad that you, and the world around you, exist.
It’s been a long time. I haven’t felt able to be myself around people or really enjoy their company since I was 10 (17 years). I haven’t felt good about the world, […]
I’m still feeling lonely, like a failure, and hopeless. I have a big project tomorrow and I have to present for over 5mins and my social anxiety is making me stressed. I tried hanging myself today and I did for about under a minute and I was fighting to breathe, unfortunately I was able to hold up on to a tree with my legs and lift myself up. Before I was to much of *****, but everyday I push myself a bit more.
Every night, I am presented with a truth and every night I only ever speak in it’s truth. The earth trembles, harder. I won’t be going back to the weed store again. When I mean now, I need not to say it again. I’m going on a vacation, by September. My declaration of all. Godspeed.
*
It’s so hard. I know that suicide will hurt a lot of the people around me especially Tino. And Tino if you see this I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be another Alexis. I can’t take this depression and these thoughts anymore! Between the thoughts, depression, anxiety, my past, my present, my family, coming out to myself as gay, I can’t go on like this anymore! My wrists are scarred but covered by bracelets, my mind is killing me. My soul is already dead. I found out that not even people who are friends of my family would support me being gay. No one that […]
Lou Tzu once said
“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace then you are living in the present”.
But what he didn’t realize is that I may not be anxious, but I am at peace. I am at peace with my depression, my insecurities, my scars, my imperfections, and my horrible thoughts. I may not be living in the present, past, or future, but I am living, and that is all that is important.
Dear mind,
Dear mind, why do you present me with the same old questions I can never find an answer for ?…
Dear mind, why do you continuously spin and make me feel like this room of silence is a room full of sin?
Dear mind, why do you continue to play these scenes and make me hear all these foul things?
Dear mind, please let me escape just this one night, so maybe I can find some sort of fight??
****found the [edit] button sorry
I really should have died then, Tsukuru often told himself. Then this world, the one in the here and now, wouldn’t exist. It was a captivating, bewitching thought. The present world wouldn’t exist, and reality would no longer be real. As far as this world was concerned, he would simply no longer exist—just as this world would no longer exist for him.
Please let me go already,my body my mind I can’t deal with them they won’t listen to me I’m going insane and nobody cares,I don’t want future I don’t want past I don’t want present I just want to disappear from this world,I don’t want more nightmares I don’t want more thoughts I don’t want more fears I don’t want more agony please let me go. PLEASE BEFORE I LOST IT COMPLETELY PLEASE LET ME GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t understand myself. I am truly privileged; I have a family that puts me in their best interests, friends who care about me, I’m not poor, not sick, I live an average middle class life and I have no hope for it.
A future that would satisfy me is not realistic. In order to anticipate the future I would have to be a different person and be extremely lucky. I dread the future and feel haunted by the past. A friend told me to focus on the present but I struggle to find pure happiness in my present life.
I know what should make me happy […]
Which of the three is causing you the most pain?
A. Past (lost loved one, regrets over mistakes, bad memories of traumatic experiences, etc)
B. Present (being bullied, can’t pay the bills, don’t like the way you look, physical pain or illness, etc)
C. Future (being stuck in a rotten marriage, dead end job, failing out of school, or just a general dreary view of what lies ahead, etc)
Mine is A. If I could just get a lobotomy and forget my past I’m sure I’d be all sunshine & giggles. Yeah.
Alakazam! Is there a hell.
Yes. Life is conscious. Afterlife – next generation conscious.
An army of death, follows. Life is everything and one, heaven and hell.
The present. The now. I am the child of oblivion.
The sound of doom. Guide me back, I need to burst in the fire.
I am the walker of death, calling. In my face, forever to nevermore.
A fish that wants to bloom into a flower. Walk me to the nexus.
All kind of thoughts run through my mind. i can be anything. i can change to any side. just convince me and see where i go. i have always tried to find answers to ultimate questions – questions that are right and on whom my existence and my suffering depends. every time i watch a documentary or read a philosophical novel i get into one of these questions and seems to find myriad of solutions to it. but experience has taught me that they somehow never works. so now when i find a solution i also ask myself why the solution would not work and […]
I am the reaction of the expectations of an absent other.
My past is now haunting me. I was raped when i was 13. Im almost 16 now. and now everyday im reminded of what happened. it kills me inside. i cant still feel everything he did to me. where he hit me, when stuck it in, when he let it out, when he hit me, when he kicked me while i was down, when he stabbed me, everything. i cant get away from it.and i see him every day because of school. hes always staring at me or following me in engineering. Â i cant sleep anymore. i feel myself distancing myself from my boyfriend. i […]
Oh dear mirror must you show me the true things?
Can’t you once show me falsnesses among myself?
Can’t I once look at you in hopes of riches and diamond rings?
And not just see my poor background and bathroom shelf?
Do you have to show me my insecurities and weaknesses when I look upon your shiny display?
Will you ever show me what I would like to see?
Or through my eyes will you always show me my rot and decay?
No! I refuse to look into you!
No! I refuse to take orders from mere glass!
No! I refuse to think this is all that will come of this….
There has to me […]
Originally I wanted to post some thoughts on alt.suicide.holiday but I cannot seem to get the narkive account to do anything. Everytime I try to post, I gets 403 error saying there was spam with my post. Oh well, some of the regulars there are a real kick in the pants like The Colonal Eric Paul Burke from Northville, Mi.
What drives me crazy is the perfect conditions that need to be present to take the plunge. If I’m too depressed, there is absolutely no way I can attempt ending it all. If I’m in good spirits, I want to do other things. Its very rare […]
Hi everyone. I am new so I will introduce myself but I’ll try to make it short. I’m a 23 year old woman who was diagnosed with depression and bi-polar at age 13 . It has been an ongoing struggle for me ever since. I frequently self-harm and have attempted suicide three times in the past. I also suffer from bouts of binge-eating and anorexia. Through the years it seems that when great things happen to me, they always end in disaster and I end up in a worse spot than i had been before that good thing happened to me. And each time it […]
Fingers positioned readily on the keyboard, pondering: ‘What story could I possibly recount that would validate my decision to end my life?’ Dispassionate and solemn, I dismissed the momentary notion to expatiate philosophically or quixotically –– I’ve had enough of cerebral & idealistic quests… ‘Has the nexus of your identity transmogrified into a psychogenic tabula rasa?’ Nonsense… Re: personal past and present-day, I have nothing to offer but silence; I simply want to die.
At this stage in our lives we seem to be living in two different, yet unreachable universes: the past and the future. When we’re together, we often reminisce about old times, back when we were young and innocent and nothing bad happened that couldn’t be fixed. When we’re not reflecting on our shared history, we’re looking ahead to our futures; future plans and future goals and wishes and dreams. And to an extent, looking back and looking forward are both wonderful things to do; often they’re reminders that happy times did happen and better things may lie ahead…
But  we only exist in those two states: […]
Please log in to report posts