Maybe I can’t do it. I know my soul. It gets satisfaction only in degradation. I just want to rot. I think that’s because I have seen the end, traveled the farthest . There is nothing left for me to know. And I know it’s all futile. And it doesn’t prompt me to suicide; it only prevents me from finding a positive, satisfying motivation in doing anything that’s beneficial for me. And that would be all good and satisfying, i would be very happy in rotting, if there wasn’t this constant pressure, this sense of obligation that i feel towards my family. I just can’t make […]
Tag:
pressure
I work this morning, but after I come home I start my classes for the first time since 2011. Today is the first day of class. I am terrified. I know it’s only online school but it feel so huge like an entire building is falling down on me. I am excited to be going back but at the same time I can’t shake that feeling of “what if” I’m at a point in life where I can not afford to fail. I have to do this and I have to make good grades or I won’t receive my scholarship and it is so much […]
BEFORE CONTINUING ON MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING AND I’M NOT RECOMMENDING ANYONE TO RESORT TO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have been over consumed with death and suicide. I have been dealing with big upcoming decisions and stress. Also I have been suffering with a huge increase of panic and anxiety attacks. I do goto counseling and take meds daily. I am diagnosed with borderline personality disorder along with both mood and anxiety disorders.
I have been using my coping skills and yes they work, however it wasn’t enough. I have been exhibiting manic symptoms even though I’m not bipolar.
As a teenager I used to dabble in cutting and self mutilating, […]
I think it’s time to go and die. well I had good times in this life but my last 2 years were like hell and I just want to die and release all the pressure that I feel . I know this is the wrong choice but the only one. actually I want to suicide just to tell them my pain I don’t want to die. wish me good luck and I love you all and thank you very much
I’m tired of life I want to die . why should I take all this pressure??? I had a really hard times in my life , I had experienced things that are not suitable for my age . all my mistakes that are unsuitable for my age turned out to kill me everyday. I’m not a bad person I just took some bad decisions because I am a teenager and I love to try new things but sometimes our choices can lead us into depression and death. i just want to tell you something don’t show people your week point because people will step on […]
Right now my life feels like I’m window shopping. I look in the glass with my family in it and I feel alone. I see my sister my mom and dad all having a great time, going out to dinners, shopping, football games. And I’m standing at the window usually high, drunk, or sleeping. I walk past the window of my school and I see other students striving with their plans, about to graduate. As for me I’m staring through the window considering dropping out, I can’t even wake up in the morning to get myself to school. I look in the window of my […]
….There are so many of us. So many of us who feel suicidal and want to harm ourselves. Yet most of us say we hide away and/or try to fit in. Why is there this pressure/stigma to depression that just adds to the guilt we already have. Scared of hurting family and friends by telling them how we honestly feel. Other people can be selfish, put themselves first, are taught to look after themselves if they are treated wrong or are ill, but feeling suicidal doesn’t get anything other than a raised eyebrow, or a look of fear from people like you are going to blow […]
Unlike most of the people here, I am undecided on whether I want to end my life. It is definitely at the forefront of my mind, but I don’t think I want the finality. But I know that I cannot continue on with life as it is. Circumstances, however, mean that I can’t change it.
I am a single mother to a 3 year old boy, whose dad has minimal contact. Recently, I’ve been finding myself sleeping with just about any man who will take an interest just for a bit of affection, after many major rejections from men this year, and to patch up the hurt […]
I use to be a funny girl who loves to live and enjoy everything in life and to try new things but due to a love relationship , every thing had changed … I tried to suicide but I didn’t die and I’m thinking to suicide again because I feel too much pressure on me and no one can understand me . I know this my effect my parents but I can’t stay like this dying every day. I am crying every day since 3 months in my room … but I smile in front of my friends and family because I don’t like […]
I’ve been trying to meditate recently to clear my mind of suicidal thoughts. I plan on doing it in the next six months. But, in the meantime, I’ve got to get some stuff in order. I don’t want to live the next few months planning out my suicide. I want to live well and try new things before I die. And hell, maybe, just maybe, one of those new things will lead to something that makes me want to live again?
So I read that meditation can help with suicidal or obsessive thoughts. I decided to try it out. But I just can’t do it. I […]
After seven months- I relapsed on alcohol. My professors have told me that I’m not committed and won’t get a job despite my A’s and being on the Dean’s list. I cried all day yesterday, I can’t take it. So much pressure, I had stopped thinking of suicide when I entered a university because I felt like finally I found something that makes me happy. Finally I’m doing something to take away the thoughts. And now I’ve been fucking terrible at every little thing and I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to feel anymore and I […]
So I am new to this obviously. Um but I just wanted to tell my story to people who want to listen and who don’t feel the pressure to listen to me.
Anyways I have been depressed and suicidal for a while now. It all started with an English paper titled “This I Believe” and I was asked to write about what I truely believe in. In my essay I stated that I believed I would become this gilded girl, beautiful on the outside, but damaged and hallow on the inside. I believed that I would serve an existance of pain. Writing […]
Highly unlikely…… I know. But I am getting creative at this point. I have heard their teeth are so sharp you only feel pressure and I would hope adrenaline would take care of the rest. I could swim alone at the beach at night and temp fate lol. Shark week is coming up afterall.
I honestly see all these posts about how the short drop is the most painful and it takes a long time but is it really? I’ve tried partial suspension and that’s not painful at all. It’s just like pressure, that’s it. I do wonder how the short drop would take any longer and be anymore painful? I mean it still cuts off your circulation so you are bound to pass out, but i doubt it would take 5 min. Can someone explain??
I’ve been depressed ever since I was a kid, and I have a family history of suicide, depression, bipolar disorder, and mental breakdowns (although fortunately, no schizophrenia). I’ve just recently graduated from college and have been in the “working world” for two years.
A few things I’ve learned in my 25 years of living:
No one truly has your interests at heart but you, so “look out for number one”. Just plan on other people letting you down, because they always will.
Most people are incredibly stupid, have half-thought out opinions, are irredeemably wrong about just about everything, have no interest in discovering/creating a consistent worldview/weltanschauung, and are […]
I’ve been suicidal since the age of 14. I’m now 36. I’ve spent 22 years fighting the pain daily, trying to tell myself to just get through the next day, looking towards the future, grasping at any tiny thread of hope. But the depression is always there. I haven’t fulfilled my potential in life – I was a straight A student, socially adept with many friends, good-looking, and liked by most people. I could have done anything I’d wanted to with my life.
I feel that what I want is always just within reach, but then the monster of depression will latch on to my mind, […]
Why is it at night I wanna cut?
Burn my arm with that cigarette butt,
Feel that rush running though my veins,
That sweet sensation of pain,
Some nights I want to take the blade right along my neck,
End the misery, the pressure but out of all that what do I really get?
Then I think I should just do this,
I know for a fact I won’t really be missed.
People will be happy to see me go,
Didn’t think people could be so low.
They are the real soul takers,
And dream breakers.
Funny how when its morning my thoughts are gone,
Right at the crack of dawn,
I forget about the blade, the tablets, the […]
I was comfortable and the pressure was tightening around my neck and i fell unconscious and woke up with my arms flapping around, i was almost there.
I have “Marooned” by Pink Floyd on as I type this. The whole Division Bell album feels fitting right now. It’s all about division, about separation, about loss, about something being missing. I’ve been missing something for years and I don’t know what it is and I don’t know how I can get it back without blowing everything apart and I’m imploding under the pressure and it’s taking every ounce of willpower I have to not just destroy myself and make it easier on everyone else. Rather just keep my failures my own then inflict them upon everyone else.
Doing better. Doing worse. If this goes on any longer, I don’t know what I’ll be capable of. Trying to be strong. My mind is breaking down. Snapping. The pressure, no release valve. I can’t shut it off. I made this decision. Made it for good reasons. I have tried to overcome myself and can once again feel myself slipping. everything crushing in so tight. can’t see anything. I can feel my mind falling away. My testament, my great push to become better, falling into another facade, another lie. I keep trying. trying to be strong. how long will it last. So strong, rigid, it […]