Tag:

pretend

I cannot live, I cannot die. What now?

by MySelfIsAfterMe 5/21/2015

written by MySelfIsAfterMe

I am tired to explain my problems, but I suffer every second of my life and it’s not gonna end. I know in my heart I won’t be happy again, I personally ruined my family, friendships, love and job. All my fault, odd story but I self-destroyed myself and I can’t blame anyone but me. I’ll never forgive myself and I’ll never get back the things I lost and I can’t live without them. I have to go to end this.

On the other hand I already hurt beyond imagination the people I love, and I can’t afford to add other pain. My death would literally […]

5/21/2015 9 comments

It’s hard to pretend

by justanothergirl09 5/4/2015

written by justanothergirl09

It’s hard to wake up every day and pretend that everything is okay when it clearly isn’t. It’s hard to say you’re fine when you aren’t. It’s hard to always be the strong one. The one that everyone comes to.

A lot of people rely on me and all I can do is try my best to help them.

Of course, I wanna be that person that will always be there for you because I know what it’s like to have no one to turn to. To feel alone in this shitty ass world.

Honestly, I tell everyone that suicide is not the answer but when it comes […]

5/4/2015 3 comments

by missti sal 4/25/2015

written by missti sal

i hate that im in this life, that i suffer so much yet am still forced to pretend like im ok.. I AM NOT OK!!!

i wish i could scream this to the world and finally rid myself of this charade

4/25/2015 2 comments

Dialogue

by Good Adjective 4/17/2015

written by Good Adjective

From a certain light I can imagine the numbness – the nothingness – as being peaceful. Relaxing almost. But in reality that’s not the case, you all know that’s not the case. Because when you’re in that state of mind, you are trapped between 4 walls that are closing in around you. At least that’s how it feels. Time passes and soon enough you’ll have to leave the (dis)comfort of your own bed, and go to work, school or university and pretend to be a civilised human being. Pretend that you aren’t entertaining those darker thoughts during every pause or break in your day. Pretend […]

4/17/2015 1 comment

New Comer

by Red Clåwß°§ 4/9/2015

written by Red Clåwß°§

How many of you would actually care if I died, and if you did, for how long? I mean if I died the sun would still rise and set, the seasons would still change, my death would change nothing in the world. I’m nothing special, so why do you care what happens to me? My existence is meaningless, so therefore I believe that I do not need to stay. I mean, do you even know what it’s like to feel so damn sad and empty all the time and just wake up everyday to just fake a smile and pretend to be oh so very […]

4/9/2015 0 comment

I needed to get this off my chest

by imlosingit 3/8/2015

written by imlosingit

I feel guilty for the way I feel. My life is good, most would call it easy and I have the nerve to be ungrateful. I try to put on a brave face but it’s so hard to pretend you’re okay when you’re not. It’s like every little thing someone says hurts me and digs in. It keeps burrowing under my skin building until I just can’t take it anymore and I know I don’t hide it that well but no one notices. I’ve tried to kill myself before and I take medication and I tell my mom that I just feel empty, but all […]

3/8/2015 3 comments

In darkness we’ll rest, count the days to one last breath.

by DieAlone 2/22/2015

written by DieAlone

I don’t want to live in this world. You have to fake who you truly are inside to survive here…All we have left is what lives in our mind.
Unfortunately, our society places a high value on holding ourselves together and being strong.
You have to be competitive, better than the others, ready to adapt,… otherwise you’re dead to the world. If you have nothing to offer, you will get nothing… If you don’t fit society’s mold, you’ll drown. They tell us we’re crazy but i think, if someone is crazy here, it’s this hypocritical world.
People don’t seem to see that: some live like […]

2/22/2015 6 comments

Are you real?

by _NameLess_ 2/20/2015

written by _NameLess_

When I read the comments to some stories, I wonder why people say the things they do. People who tell others to “stay strong” and “don’t give up” yet are overcome with manic depression and revolving thoughts of suicide. Why do we say things that are so hypocritical? I don’t understand. It frustrates me seeing that, it makes me think “Are these people real? Why are they on here saying these things when they themselves are on the verge of self destruction? I don’t believe they actually mean what they say; or maybe they say those things because they want someone to say the same […]

2/20/2015 10 comments

Been on my chest for a while. My journal isn’t enough.

by notanymore 2/14/2015

written by notanymore

*i want to apologize in advance. These are the things I can’t say to the man who promised the world and took everything I had left.

I can’t do this anymore. I can’t deal with you pretending I don’t exist one day and making small talk the next. I don’t want to live waiting for the day you decide to start caring. The things you said about me that night are killing me. Was there ever a time that you loved me, or was it all lies? I’m so tired. You only text me when you’re sad or upset, but you ignore me when I need […]

2/14/2015 0 comment

I feel completely alone

by sosad35 2/2/2015

written by sosad35

I have been cursed with depression for about 15 years now. I have been so distant and hurting I have pushed everyone I have ever loved or cared about away. I have horrible nightmares and wake up crying. I am alone and it feels so empty. No future, no purpose, no happiness. I don’t know how much longer I can pretend every day. What I really want to do is crawl into a hot tube with a couple bottles of wine and just go to sleep. I don’t know what to do next.

2/2/2015 2 comments

Hopeless

by MayDay 1/18/2015

written by MayDay

I wouldn’t ever kill myself although the thought crosses my mind often and brings me the best peace. I’ll go to sleep and pretend like its forever. No more bills to worry about, no more worrying about why the guy didn’t like me or why im never good enough, no stressing about my use to be friends who dont seem to want me around for some reason or always wondering what the hell is wrong with me.

Im blessed. I really am. I have a beautiful daughter, a great job, a roof over my head, a car that runs, and a good family. I just feel […]

1/18/2015 0 comment

I Desire Death Even Though My Life is Ideal

by Realm of Great Darkness 1/11/2015

written by Realm of Great Darkness

I have a boyfriend who loves me, as well as a grandmother and friends who do so, too. So why do I feel so urged to commit suicide? Y’know what I think about sometimes? A scenario where everyone hates me, and has moved on. That way, I’d be able to kill myself, and it be more of a selfless act. I know I can’t die with things being the way they are now, and it’s not like I plan on making people hate me, I only wish I didn’t care so much about the ones in my life, so that I could do this without […]

1/11/2015 8 comments

Support when you’re suicidal

by Disenchanted7 12/31/2014

written by Disenchanted7

So I spent the first moments of the new year on the phone to Lifeline (a UK service) and the only thing they were interested in was persuading me there’s reason to live or having me committed.

But what if you’re past that point? What if you’re determined to die and just want to talk to someone impartially? I feel it’s disrespectful to completely ignore the suicidal persons issues or pretend they don’t exist just to be a hero(ine).

So I’m still here questioning my suicide method, to sit drunk at the edge of a tower block, take a cocktail of tablets, then inhale a huge amount […]

12/31/2014 3 comments

Fooling Everybody

by No12run2 12/11/2014

written by No12run2

but myself. I can pretend like I enjoy this existence again but I am exhausted doing it. I went out with my grandmother yesterday and she bought groceries. She was happy to see that some since of normality has come back. It has not and she acts like she doesn’t notice. I am really the walking dead. Not as clever as I once were. The dark has always been comforting and this is my comfort zone. Suicide project. I am not holding out for miracles, much more logical than that. I am expecting the darkness to come again, My body has gotten adjusted to it […]

12/11/2014 4 comments

How To Run

by tctc 12/3/2014

written by tctc

I guess this is the way I do it:

1. Push everyone away from me because I don’t deserve their love. I’m too unworthy for it.

2. Run into someplace where no one can find you and have no ways of contacting you. i.e., isolate yourself. Keep your phone somewhere and try to forget about it. Or switch it to Airplane mode. Yeah.

3. Hide. Remain in your bubble. A quiet bubble floating in the sea of noises.

So much for trying to distract yourself from the truth. So much for trying to forget and run away from it. So much for trying to create excuses.

Stop trying to […]

12/3/2014 2 comments

had enough

by loverali966 11/30/2014

written by loverali966

I have tried suicide so many times and ended up in hospital, but all i want is for the pain to stop, my ex boyfriend to leave me alone, he is the reason i’m in this mess, killing my baby and beating me up, breaking my bones and my heart. scars and nightmares is all i have now, and i just want to be better and feel better but i cant. he turns up and beats 50 shades of shit out of me, and all i can do is smile and pretend nothing is going on. when i feel like i need to tell someone […]

11/30/2014 1 comment

Alcohol.

by WaitAndBleed 11/29/2014

written by WaitAndBleed

I know in the back of my mind it won’t help but it’ll at least help me forget.

or give me the confidence to finally kill myself. I need to feel less guilty. Then I’ll finally do it.

11/29/2014 3 comments

tears

by neverhappy 11/15/2014

written by neverhappy

Tears taste salty. When you just shed tears, they give a sensation of warmth in the eyes. When they roll down to the cheeks and neck, it feels cold. After crying for about an hour the tears stop rolling no matter how hard you cry inside.Crying all nights gives early morning headaches. These are facts I never thought I would have to acknowledge someday. But, here I am practically experiencing every inch of it. Its not coming to an end. I’m not sure if this tunnel chose me or I chose that, but I am walking through a dark tunnel and I can’t see light. […]

11/15/2014 1 comment

by schema 11/3/2014

written by schema

I feel very guilty for looking for a purpose. I know that the meaning of life is self-appointed, and as much as I try I know that I can’t find a reason. This is only day 6 of a weird bout of depression–I usually don’t get as depressed as this, where it heavily impacts me–but I am through with it. Why do I still go to lectures and pretend that all of this matters? Why do I still try to do well in class and get so fucking disgusted with myself when my grades aren’t the best? After undergrad is graduate and the formation of […]

11/3/2014 3 comments

Fucked up

by notsomuch 11/2/2014

written by notsomuch

i’ve always felt abnormal .Now i am 18,and i still do. I think i have bipolar disoder,body dismorfic disorder and depression.thats not a good way to “start” my adult life.even though i am miserable inside,my parents an twin brother dont suspect about it.I’m pretty sure it is beacause i try my best to look normal.well,i am fucking tired to pretend all the time.I am fucked up!I know that i should just tell them what i feel,but i cant do it.So i feel trapted in my onw head.Suffering alone.

11/2/2014 0 comment

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