Not even here. I was contemplating sui before and sometimes I think of it. But I feel like I don’t relate anymore. I don’t know if I should even be writing this. I don’t think I should be here. But can’t rule myself out just yet. I obviously need or seek help and guidance but, maybe. Why can’t I be normal like I used to be. Just pull myself together like before. I have a hard time reading others’ posts because I don’t know if I’m going through anything other than self pity.
I finally finished reading My Heart and Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga. After reading it, it makes me rethink about suiciding. It makes me think that maybe I can be fixed back again. That maybe I can recover. That maybe I can still be saved. But I think what I’m feeling right now is just temporary. I know tomorrow I’ll be depress all over again. But I know somewhere deep inside me, I’m begging to be saved from this black hole.
I am sorry if you truly know me and you are reading this. If you know me, you might have known this would happen but within the next few days, I am planing to kill myself. Why? I can’t deal with whats going on in my head.
We were so close and we promised we would be there for each other — no matter what. If you are reading this: please come back to me, I love you.
What’s the allure of fantasizing about death? It makes no sense. You know (talking to myself) that you don’t want to die. All you want is for things to be different. Sometimes it seems so hard, too hard, to change things. I want to own people is what my problem is. I want their attention and admiration and as time goes by the illusions are falling away and I can see emptiness. I’m starting to see that my thinking doesn’t add up. So what is the way to think? I’ve been reading about suicide all night and the two things some people say help are […]
Albert camus is my hero…..I’m reading his book ‘The Fall’ it’s fucking gorgeous. English lit students-and i know ur fucking here-it’s aphorism at its best. Also, stand up comedy is arguably the highest form of art. I think this is a conversation i would like to have
I’m their good for nothing son of my parents, brother of my sister and boyfriend of my girlfriend. Feeling Miserable. Nobody to listen to my thoughts. Thanks for reading. 🙁
I’ve been reading recent posts and think it’s a very positive thing that you make new year antecipations and resolutions. it means deep down you still have at leats a tiny shred of hope.
Lately i find myself living day by day and dreading the future, which for some who used to think far ahead makes me unrecongnisable for myself.
Keep up the good hopes 😉
I started getting involved in things I do love. I hung out with family today, even though I didnt want to. I tried being nice, also I didn’t want to. I’m applying to jobs, reading and talking about the walking dead books and show.. And doing things I love. I watched tv. Again. I like the show fargo. About to watch homeland. And I’m figuratively and literally putting one foot in front of the other.. Even though it hurts. I’m always going to try bettering myself.. I hate that it took 8 months to cope and maybe more.. But I’m trying and it does feel […]
If you’re reading this, I hope you had (or have) a really good time, and I hope you find the happiness that has eluded me for way too long.
My dear nephew you’re so young you won’t even begin to understand this decision so it might not even effect you the holidays are coming and shall i perish now or in the future you’re mother will be given a paper copy of this note and she’ll give it to you when you’re old enough so here i go as you may or may not know already i could never manage to have children of my own and never really found happiness but everytime you huged me it brightened my world and i want you to know if anything ever happened to your mom or […]
I used to think I was just lazy but after reading about depression the majority of the symptoms describe me perfectly, I really wish I had a will to live and be motivated to do things, problem is I lack self motivation, I only live for my boyfriend and family, majority of days I hope I just die in my sleep…
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
tfw your loved one tells you you can magically stop being suicidal by going to church and reading the bible.
what an overused punchline.
Warning: for those reading this, I apologize for the lengthy post. I just can’t help but feel trapped in my body. It seems I can never escape the thoughts in my mind besides when I’m sleeping. I just want to sleep forever.
Why is it always me??? Why can’t I find the happiness I so truly want and deserve? Why do I feel unwanted? Used? Betrayed? Unloved? Is something wrong with me? Maybe I’m destined to be alone forever..and if that’s the case, why am I still here? The man I love doesn’t seem to love me back… yet I’ll find any excuse to try and […]
Fuck, yeah, I’m drunk again…
Anyway, so I noticed that when I drink too much I get some kind of anxiety. I’m afraid of choking on vomit, so I try every time, as best as I can, not to fall asleep. Suicidal as I am, I still fear the idea of choking to death. I’m doing my best to try and stay awake until I sober up. If you guys would be so kind to comment in order to keep me busy reading what you’re saying, you’d be doing me a great service in helping keep me awake.
One question: Do you guys also get this type […]
Hello again i am very new here shy also i wanted a change my name i only posted recently didnt say much but i have been reading posts for few months now i am depressed i went to see a pyicitrist but he really didnt help me i will try again and hope to get some meds i have not been diagnosed with the two i kno i do have anxity and depeession i really hoped when i took that step and shared things with him hed give me some meds and i got nothing ill try again someone else all i can do hello […]
22nd April 2015. I remember is like it was yesterday but it feels so long ago. I was talking to a friend in the morning about you, asking if she had heard from you, telling her I was worried about you but at the same time was so proud of you for continuing to pull through. I was sitting in a managers fire meeting, Level 6, we had just been made chief fire wardens (a job that we did not want) and my phone light pinged […]
She gently tightens her scarf around her neck before she steps out of her toasty car. Her depression has been crushing her, crushing everything she is passionate about. Locking her car door behind her, she quickly walks across the street with her eyes pointed towards the sidewalk. She’s almost there; her long, pale fingers grasp the brass doorknob as she opens the door into another world.
Books. Everywhere with their pale pages, they invite her to delve into a world other than the one she lives in. The ink and paper smells comfort her as she begins the search for her […]
Hello. I’m 19 years old. Female. College student. Living with my mom. I just turned 19 last month. People always tell me that I’m young and I have a whole life ahead of me, and I have so much more to achieve. Well, that’s true, but how could I continue living with this weird sickness that causes everyone to avoid me?
It’s not the physical pain that kills me, it’s the emotional pain brought by it. To be honest, I’m embarrassed to even talk about it to my closest friends. I’ve been on this medical forum and realize there are others like me, and […]