The demon in my head just keeps getting louder every day. It’s to the point where everything around me is tuned out and he is all I can hear. I cant silence him. I’m at the point where im ready to listen, I just want peace. Ive chosen antifreeze and gatorade combo. Ive done thorough research and believe this is the best method for me. I only want peace.
Tag:
ready
I am not afraid of death but afraid of life.
I just want to go back to where I belong.
A place far far away from here.
Where no one judges one another.
But maybe, maybe it’s all just a dream and I’ll wake up in that beautiful place again one day.
And the rainbows will cover the skies.
There will be happiness.
Why?
Why am I fooling myself?
This is reality not a dream.
I am alive on the outside but I’ve been dead for so long.
I became ready for death a long time ago but I guess death isn’t ready for me just yet.
I’m stuck and I can’t seem to pull myself together. Each day I wake up it’s a gamble. I never feel happy, it’s either thoughts of suicide and tears or just being idle.
I miss the place when I was the life of the party. I used to feel great. I had friends and did many activities.
I have always had a void inside myself and filled it with things. From a boyfriend, shopping, working and even drugs. The past year that void feels like a gun shot in my soul and all the things that filled it don’t work anymore.
I feel empty and broken. I was […]
Been browsing for a few days now and finally feel like posting. This is the first time in my life I am seriously considering actually going through with suicide… I am not quite ready for talking openly on here but it would be nice to talk with someone who also uses the site to kinda “show me the ropes, (nooses?). anyways.. I am on omegle right now and if you want to come find me, put ‘suicideproject.org’ as an interest/keyword and lets see if you can see me!
p.s. I hope this is ok to do and if not just let me know. Not trying to […]
Let’s start my story at high school, which sucked ass. Basically really patriarchal boys school and my social life was non-existent. In my last year of high school parents got in a car accident, mother died and father left paralysed (and in hindsight mentally broken to a degree). I pushed for me and my younger siblings to move to live in Australia with relatives and this was supported by my mom’s side of the family, but not my dad’s; this essentially made me enemy no1 as far as my dad’s side was concerned and I suspect my dad has always held that against me. I […]
I’ve researched several ways to commit suicide. Most of what I read indicate a limited amount of success. I’d never use a gun, too messy. I’ve always gravitated towards RX and OTC drugs, My first attempt was Seroquil. I didn’t take enough, You need at least 10,000 mg. I’ve considered sixty Unisome. From what I’ve ready it may or may notwork
I’m not actively seeking, but I have a criteria of events that will steer me that way. I dunno, I just can’t cope.
Three times. Three failures. Twice. I will explain.
This is not only the third time I have raised a loaded gun to my head. It is also the third time in the last 3 weeks that I was ready only to back out.
First things first.
The first time, back in June 2012, it was purely impulsive. No plan, no thinking. I was faced with an impossible choice. Either give her up or give up everything else. This will be the common theme in my suicidal journey. Someone trying to take her away from me. Obviously I chose her.
The second time, January of this […]
I’ma be, and you’ll see
Why don’t you know
I’m my own that wants to be
You put all your claim on me
I am the way that I am
I became
I never asked for anything
But a sick boy
Screaming for a home for his mother
My son in paradise
It’s only ever been me
And my
. . .
Then screw you, then
I’m my own key-master opening to the gate
Damn, Minotaur, that you are
We all fall in our places
Let me bounce, let me bounce
You can come whenever you’re ready
It’s not me, that does not see
Moan at your […]
I really feel like I am finally ready to do it
However I know why I didn’t. I might throw up and blame myself for not going, and perhaps I’ll keep doing that for the rest of my life, but I know precisely why I didn’t run away last year. I was ready, fully ready, I know that. I am not a coward.
I used to have a lot of desires and instincts. But eventually, with the passage of time and suffering, many of them faded away. And only two were left. Only two prevailed. They were: Desire for truth & Hate for society.
Society is my proverbial enemy, my arch enemy. But I am not a psychopath […]
Dear love, I’m honestly scared. Your voice is everywhere. Are you there? I am not ready for this. There’s so much about you, love, I miss. Do you know that I’m lost? And you left me here on my own. Songs live on but I’m dancing alone. Where is my lullaby? Sometimes I forget you’re gone. You’re all I have, known for so long.
It seems so unfair but the sun still shines and the waves still crash and the wind still blows. I will carry on, what choice do I have?
I’m not Christian or anything, but i still fear the possibility of going to hell if i kill myself. I have chronic pain, severe depression, anxiety, and PTSD due to an abusive childhood. I’m ready to die, but this dumb fear is holding me back and i don’t know how to get over it. I’m suffering and i just want to be free. Does anyone have any advice at all? :/
i hate this
i hate not being able to do it
i hate feeling my limbs shake and spasm and still having enough strength to stand
i like the release of blacking out but i hate not being able to breathe
last push coming soon
ready for this
hoping when i pull the plug i’ll just swirl away down the drain
I hate this unborn thing. I wish I could get rid of it but the father wants it. Im too far along to get a pill abortion. Most people I know are excited about the thing. I dont feel any connection to it. I HATE it. Im not ready for a leech Im never going to love. I wish it would hurry up and die so I can get back to my life or death or whatever Im looking for. I hate you leech. I will never learn to love you. I HATE YOU!
I should be working on the first part of my huge Payroll Accounting project; I’m working on my will, instead. I should be listening to music and immersed in the challenge of putting the numbers together and getting them to make sense; I’m sitting in silence and thinking about taking a nap so I don’t have to feel for a little bit. I should be be functional, happy, and loved; I’m broken, miserable, and unwanted. Horrible timing, really, it was on figuring out that, for me, love is unconditional. It’s not “I’ll only love you if…”, it’s just “I love you.” […]
I haven’t been on here in a while. I have had some up and downs. I’m thinking very strongly about this still. I’ve been seeing a counselor, I’m taking medication, I’ve done everything on my own to try and feel better, reach out… I will be sending my son to visit his dad in Aug. I think if by then I still feel the same, that will be the time to do it. I will have a few rough patches I know, things are still changing for me. Change can be good, and usually in my case, I’m ready for it when it comes around. I […]
I feel that the end is near and I am ready to give up. I don’t want to be here anymore. What is the point when I am not happy and I don’t even care anymore. I still love you. I want you back and I need you now. I wish you would come back and be here with me once again and make the pain go away. I have had it with everyone shitting on me and making me worse than I already do. I am counting the pills and getting a blade. I am ready to go if even I don’t want to […]
Sitting there blank-faced, forcing a smile has to be the painful scene that I act-out, every-day. Why do we need to smile… is it a law of nature ? People just do not understand that a smile indicates a positive in a persons life; but constant-sometimes it has no-reason- pain cannot produce a smile, naturally.
Forcing myself into this smile, is as pathetic as insisting that “I’m fine” when I’ve clearly drank almost two bottles of wine — the latter is painfully funny, but the former is just painful. I can do laughing — laughing is part of a momentary reaction to a funny act, event, notion, thought or an uttered […]
I was so stupid. How could I have possibly thought that I was capable of true happiness?
I was doing so well. For about a year, I fell into and out of deep fits of depression. I attempted to take my life twice and no one even noticed. Even the doctors thought it was all accidental….but then, I just stopped caring all together. I figured that the depth of my state would eventually kill me off. I was no longer concerned with living or dying. If there were ever a limbo for humans, I’d entered it. At some point in my state of limbo, a wonderful […]
I never thought I would be posting here but I finally am no longer able to handle everything that is going on in my life. I have just turned 22 and can no longer take the abuse from my father. Every day I am screamed at and it seems that like clock work every 5-6 months he beats me. I just cant take it anymore. I have been through many jobs and cant make enough to move out. Today he humiliated me and screamed at me in front of all the neighbors. Embarrassing. He leaves me feeling like there’s no longer a point in living. […]