I can’t work with my Dad anymore I can’t I can’t. How many panic attacks do i need to have before they realize that?
I’m you’re son… Not your employee.
I hate it there more than anything. And i don’t even have the choice to quit the job i never signed up for.
In the 23rd of August, 2013; I made my very first post on this website entitled Forgotten. The post was about how I had been dealing with depression due to relocation, loneliness, a growing anti-social behavior, and the loss of many friends in my hometown. I moved quite far from my home and lost many friends and dealt with depression for the past couple years. Now I have just been given news that I might have to relocate once again… to my hometown. At first I didn’t take my mother serious and said, “I would love to move back! Moving back wouldn’t be a problem!” […]
Anyone else who is negatively affected by the summer break? Like me because I’m all alone most of the time? School as much as anyone can hate it was a place to socialize for me and with it gone I feel like I’m hated and realize that all of the people I talked to in school aren’t real friends, they’re just people that I talked to and joked around with. There’s a lot worse than that but I hate it. I stay up at night (like I am right now) because I just can’t get the voices inside of me to shut up. I just […]
I began to cut again . Six fucking months clean . I didn’t realize how much better it makes me feel. What led me to start again, well the numbness I feel inside, I want to feel something. I fucking hate it here and the constant reminder of how I am no good or that I Should kill myself. My friends always say they will there for me but when I need them where are they to be found ? So that is why i say fuck everyone and fuck and fuck what people think, i don’t want to hear it, I am sick and […]
I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad the dreams in which I’m dying are the best ive ever had..
It’s one thing to be alone..but when ur around people who make you FEEL alone..that’s the worst! Sad… we live together but hardly ever speak even when the opportunity is there..we pass ec other without ever even looking up..its to the point where u realize the people ur suppose to know the best are really just strangers…
when youve lost all hope of ever being happy again whats left
when youve lost interest in everything you used to care about whats left
when you feel completely lost and hopeless whats left
when your whole life falls apart around you whats left
when it seems like the world is going on without you whats left
when everybody elses happiness makes you miserable whats left
when just waking up makes you feel like shit whats left
when negative emotions are the only ones that remain whats left
when you see death as the only way to escape the sorrow whats left
when the pain […]
“SHIT I DON’T KNOW!!” ..? Did anyone actually say those things? Regardless of whether they did say these two, are you creating in your own head what else you want them to say about you? Do you see that you are upset because you waste your time justifying yourself to others? Do you realize that justifying yourself is grounds for more ridicule? Do you realize the importance of self-worth? Do you know the difference between an egotist and an egoist? Will you find out that one is dependent on instant gratification and the other will demand that you become competent? Do you realize the importance […]
Met this cool guy that seemed like everything I wanted. But the way we met ruined any chances of anything normal or positive happening. And not to mention he lives in a different city and our lives are leading us down different paths. I went to see him and we had dinner and we talked and got to know each other I guess. Once I got home things started clicking and I realized that he lied about how old he was. I don’t know why he did either way it doesn’t matter. It was disappointing but when we talked the things he said I honestly […]
how does she laugh how does she cry whats the color of her eyes does she even realize am here WHERE IS SHE where is this beautiful girl who is she whos gonna company my world!!!
Well, I will uh, I’ll keep this concise. I am admittedly young. I am old enough to realize that I have feelings for members of the same sex, and, when my parents found out, indeed, my dad broke into my phone and found my boyfriends contact, we’re not happy. Their supposed perfect son was…. Undesirable as far as they are concerned. They have tried to get me to fix my “lifestyle” and “help me though this phase.” As it is, this is just…. Breaking me. I physisically cannot fathom how who I care about can make me undesirable. And while, I have figured might as […]
I am everything wrong; my most beautiful excuse is that I am a product of my time. I am the demon of wrath because I find a flaw in everything but have no ability to create peace of it. If I don’t stroke, I will continue to rain terror on those around me whom I try to call liars but are only honest with themselves against the entity that is me. I am not allowed to scream because only I can be screamed at. I am seeking attention and glorification because I surround myself with intriguing things that distract from my ugly side. It’s not […]
Here is what I dreamed last night, unedited, unabridged (However, I left out the first hour about go, nodejs and perl over at Joel’s house).
Going down for a tour of a nuclear plant. Gary, Joel, Ryan, Ben and Me.. Its a
long way down. Gary decides to take a shortcut in the vehicle we are in. soon
we are flying through the air. More like Mario cart than anything else. Trying
to land back on the road, or so I think. We pass many on-comers, until soon we
look at each other in the back, realizing we are drifting further and further
from the road. […]
He did it to me again. Last night, he saw the intent in my eyes. And he trapped me.
Showered with loving kisses, pleading words for me not to go. A couple years ago I would have considered myself lucky, to have found someone who yearns for me to live. I now know the truth of it all.. love is selfish. Each kiss he plants on my body is a new shackle tying me up to this life. Every inch of my body, covered in thorned threads, adorning me with love and blood, imprisoning me to this very existence. “Don’t leave me..” he whispers. “You promised […]
It’s been 16 years and life already feels like it should be over. I want out. But at the same time I’m scared….because I don’t know what happens next! I hate the unknown. Going will kill my Mum and she’s already on the edge – all I care about – but it will give me relief.
I want to go because as I quote from Footloose: “I have been so lost. I’ve been losing my mind! And you don’t even see it. You don’t even care”. I’m not who I want to be and I can’t be that person because I’ve left […]
Today was so fucking bad it made me realize a lot that I’ve been pushing down and what’s been happening for years is not okay. I feel the only way out is to leave everything and just escape from life
This is silly. I finally realize the number one thing that’s been retarding every attempt I make at living, and things just get worse. I’m stupid. My reason is gone. I don’t even get intoxicated anymore. It’s just a way to relieve the pressure in my head. I’ve grown up so much lately. And every ounce of maturity carries with it in equal weight a new wavelength of despair. I have no energy. I am a brick. I cannot think. I’m just being lazy. I’m a coward. I’m afraid to be strong. Being strong takes too much energy. I don’t have energy. I am a […]
This is my first post on this website, I can’t really relate to a lot of people from this site other than the fact I’m depressed and often suicidal. I think about dieing everyday and what would people think of me if I commit suicide, I know I’m very selfish I have been my whole life, I guess because I was an only child and spoiled growing up,.. We’ll until I turned 18 and I left my parents house and moved out with a friend, I then really had no goals or direction so I started to slang drugs as a runner, with no real […]
Lately, before I go to sleep, I read SP. I don’t do this because I am morbidly curious or just plain nosy, but because it helps me to realize that I am not alone. I don’t often comment (although I want to) because I honestly don’t know what to say. I want to hug you close and feed you comfort food and watch a good movie with you and make it all go away. Really, I should have the words because I work in the medical field and am surrounded by smart, caring and compassionate people every day, but guys…I’m so BAD at knowing what […]
I remembered laying against your soft naked breast. We cuddled at the Deadly Muppets theme camp for what must have been 6 hours. I didn’t realize how fast the time flew by. The sun rose and I had to leave you. I didn’t even know your name. We just lay against one another for so long. That whole weekend I spent falling in and out of love. It couldn’t have been the drugs or alcohol, but my desperation to find someone to fill that dreaded empty feeling digging deeper and deeper inside of me. I’m so confused. I think I’m gay. I only have these […]
As a young child I was not taught the many things that I should. So as I grew older or went to school I learned through others. I have been bullied since the age of 10. Days I didnt want to go to school, Didnt want to leave my room afraid that someone would find something to bully me about, whether it was my voice, my clothes, hair, or the way I smelled. I went to counseling in middle school but it didnt help, so i went home and took a bunch of pills one day but it didnt kill me I was still here, […]
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