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I’m so stressed these days I feel no-one loves me . I’m sooo sad I want to die. I’m pregnant (5months)with a little girl . I love her but I feel she will change my whole life and she will just put me in trouble. but I can’t get red of her because she is just a peace of me . I’m a teenager it was a mistake . I hate my life . I feel I don’t have true friends because in this moment I felt we are going apart in the moment that I need help. I’m sick of overthinking . I want […]
Red for my rage black for my depression I believe if red wins others will have great harm done to them if the black wins I’ll have great harm to me I noticed many have very harsh opinions of the red route maybe you can’t understand
( c+c dont worry tho)
I’m back to the knife
not the sharp ones I’m used to
don’t want to cut too deep
but can’t seem to cut deep enough
can’t draw blood
too afraid
too afrad to relapse
needing medical attention
having people worry
seeing the pain in their eyes
but I want to draw blood
not too much
just a little
but I can’t seem to do it
all I make are red marks on my arm
like scratches from a stick
the scars that you see
they are all made by me
and my tears have turn red
with the blood that ive shed
people think im lost to the madness
but really im just cloaked in sadness
i could use a rope or i could use a knife
i see the pain and i see the hurt
i feel my heart begin to burst
why cant they see
that my life
ive been afraid of
me
I met up with my little brother in Victoria today. Fuckin’ cool meeting of the great minds. He’s been goin through some intense changes himself but im glad to see he’s pushing through and making necessary changes. Such a beautifully intense conversation about our current transformations. I’m finally embracing my trans identity and confronting and riding the emotions head on. Such a beautiful freedom. Scary as fuck as I fight my inner judgments and christian past. Fuck it. I feel it, I’m going to do it. Transgender is a fuckin’ gorgeous thing. Such a heavy burden to bear if filled with self hate and fear. […]
It was supposed to be my last week alive, I won’t say that I was Excited about it. I didn’t want to die, but when I stopped and thought about it, Suicide was really my best option. Of course I still had, and still do, have this pathetic Hope that I can Live a Life full of Happiness, Fulfillment, and Love. I Digress. So Here I am getting ready for My Final Week on earth. I had been put on Suicide watch, I was considered a High Risk Individual. My mistake for talking to a female online, fucking ***** tricked me, and called the cops […]
Hey guys,
Does any one else wish that they’d die painlessly but then somehow their “soul” can see who truly cared and then hit like a big red reset button so you can be alive again except now you know whom to care for.
“To know the truth, you must risk everything.”
“Because you have been down
there, Neo. You know that road. You
know exactly where it ends. And I know
that’s not where you want to be.”
I think Neo didn’t make his choice when when he took the red pill over blue; he really made his choice when he chose to stay in the car with Trinity rather than getting down and going back home.
Went on a tinder date. Get this text message afterwards:
Hey. I just wanted to say how great of a person you are. You have a strong personality. You take on and take over quickly. With that being said I must be honest with you. I was having a great time but it was too much too quickly. I enjoyed it but I’m afraid this sort of relationship that we’ll likely develop is something I don’t want. I’m sorry I was too chicken shit to tell you in person but you are very nice and I couldn’t bare to hurt your feelings. I hope you […]
Strange people
In a red land
Trying to talk to me
If they can
Wire tears
At my throat
I’m stumbling
As I cross Their moat
Banging against the door
Bleeding out
How much more?
Slowly I rise
As I realize
Running away
Too far
My feet are raw
I’m gonna keep running
The cobbles break my toes
Their ambulance
It grabs me, breaks my nose
They don’t care
They have ensconced me in darkness
Chained, I metamorphose
Into a creature malignant and dyeing
Breaking free
And searching around
Bloody bones, prisoners abound
Indiscriminately I tear through
Not knowing or caring
Except about you
The […]
Bad luck never leaves.
Your jinx just floats around
Like the taste inside your mouth,
or the sound when your skull cracks.
Feel the growing pains.
It means you’re growing up too fast.
Telling white lies to black cats.
Stretch me out across the tracks.
While you were sleeping I was blood red,
sharp as a knife inside your stomach.
I’m squeezing tight; don’t let the light in.
No medicine.
Daydream tendencies had you smiling soft and sweet.
Keep those blurry memories somewhere safe-
you may need them.
You can make a wish,
but there’s no rabbit out the hat.
Realize it’s never coming back.
While you were […]
Last night I lost control over my feelings. Couldn’t stop crying. My family went out so I stayed home alone. I turned off all my bedroom lights and went and sat in my closest. Started crying; weeping. I was thinking about cutting again. I was saying to myself “You promised. Don’t break the promises you made.”
Although I promised, I turned on the closet light and looked for the blades (2). As I was holding them in my hands I kept thinking of my friends and the promises I made.
After a while holding them, it was hard but I put them back and got up. […]
Your line, cast in the water. You feel the tugs, its like you caught something.
Something you wont let go. Only, at the same time, it pulls you in, under. You
don’t even notice.
Somehow you are both breathing, alive in each others worlds. Both cast, both reeled in.
Both caught.
One day, the line snaps. You find yourself shivering, wet, on the shore. You
try to go back, your lungs fill with water. Gasping for air, choking. You
strive, you push on. Darkness surrounds. Red appears in your peripheral.
You see a glimmer in the murkiness. You reach out. They dart away.
Still you stay.
You don’t need air, not […]
Peaking through the pipeline, the red retina of a sweet, white death. It tunnels redemption and purification, drilling down through the walls and the ceilings of a deep-seated madness. It’s an exhilarating construction of love.
The sun never sets in the land of betrayal. I expended my life in the liberarion of people’s stains. I avoid the common and the norm, and recklessly crush my knees over new untamed paths, only to find myself chased, still, by memories of spiked colored eyes; stabbing my chest.
I was […]
Mostly blue and sometimes red a nebula with green nerves that won’t stop moving walking through three feet of snow because the stone wall is so important then its just a fallen tree and the birds won’t sing and the coyote has died and the deer aren’t sure what to do my hands are warm I keep looking in the water but it is so black so infinite and I’m so small I could never touch every stalk in the field it’s so gold and pretty and then my heart changes colors every pulse and we think rivers of blood are red but they are […]
Standing on the shoreline looking out, all I see are blood red seas. The sun doesn’t shine here, so the sky is grey. The land doesn’t want me, so it makes it hard to live. Nature wants me dead. That’s why we all die anyways, it’s natural. But I have survived. Year after year I remain, but it’s just a flash of time anyway. Haha, this is such senseless shit. I’m bored and wish I were more intoxicated than I am
I hope you read this and know you’re not alone
That the pain in these words you realize as your own
when you look at your scars bleeding red
know that I have them too
That I just wanted to feel something other than alone
I thought I deserved it
I truly did
As I shaped jagged lines I would scold myself for not being better
for being such a waste of life
but the pain always came back
No amounts of cuts changed that
So stop
now
I’ve been on that ledge
I know how much it hurts right now
I can’t promise you […]
take a blade to my wrist,
let it slide down my skin,
let it cut and show the red powerful blood
let that blade end my life, allow me to go in that cold dreadful bath
let me endure the pain i was meant for, let me endure the death thats meant to be
don’t allow me to be in pain, if you care so much allow this to happen
at least for me. let me lie down in the cold bath and let the blood trickle down my arms and wrists allow the blood loss to kill me
alright. i hope you’re still at the casino
let me know, will you say no
pick-me up with the automobile, and let’s go
triple our vegan power
can you be red and blue, like mario
what do i do
oh, wao-wao
…
message. all over…
nothing-more…
can i just walk…
let-me know.
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Anno Domini