So i sit here, going over my life story. Everybody told me that it would get better. They lied. So I stopped telling them things. My mom already told me I’m the reason they’re always fighting, and the reason of the divorce is the fighting. Maybe if I was out of their lives, it would be easier. For everybody. I’ve kept this in so long. I can’t keep living. I am destructive, I ruin everything I touch, my parents marriage, my relationships, my friendships, my life. I’ve ruined so many lives. Why can’t I just be normal? Because, I ruin everything. It’s always my fault. […]
Tag:
Relationships
Why do people keep trying to help me, Dr’s, counselors, family…. I just want to go from this world already, 32 years is enough for me. Half of which have been filled with drug addictions and abuse, failed relationships and many attempts at ending it all. I have tried leading a “normal” life and it bores me, just over it!
I’m 30 years old, female. Ever since I was a child, I had a hard life (I prefer to not get into details about that). I never envisioned a real future for myself. While most kids thought about what they wanted to study in college or what they wanted to be when they grow up, there were only 2 things that I envisioned for myself: 1) jumping off high rise buildings to end the suffering, and 2) finding the love of my life to rescue me from this misery and live happily ever after. Well, I’m single now, went through 3 serious/heartbreaking relationships where the […]
Would you look upon another man’s darkness, and tell him what he sees?
I would not.
Though I do understand your anger. Angry, I would be too, if years of hard yellows and laborious blues had been scratched out by an easy black.
An easy, fatal black.
Tomorrow shall be a positive day.
Tomorrow I shall rise at 6am to go running in the park.
Tomorrow I shall tidy my living area, even sweep away the dusts of time. The aching grains of sand.
Tomorrow I will not smoke any cigarettes, or play my guitar, for I worry that these objects will kill me. One […]
I found a girlfriend. I thought Id feel whole with someone to love. But somehow I feel the same. I feel like I’m just going to let her down or scare her away. Like I should just end it before either of us gets too attached. No one wants to be the girl whose boyfriend killed himself…
My19 year old life hasn’t exactly been as “great” as it is right now. This is extremely long, but I’ve finally found a place where I can just let it all out. Thank you to those who read it.
It all started with being raped for 7 years of my life. I didn’t know what was happening or why it had to be a secret. But eventually with age I figured it out. I spent a good chunk of my life afraid. Afraid to be alone with any boys and afraid to get close to them too. I found out that I was chosen because I was “pretty”. […]
If you think about it.. people always care when you die, they cry and get sad.. but do they really care about you?
NO.. Personally, i don’t feel loved. If i died… nobody would care. People say that all the time i know, but honestly. If only you could live in my shoes, oh my.. I don’t even know. I’m just so lonely, i have people in my life yes, but they don’t care. I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO LOVE, WHAT IS LOVE? I’ve never known it. It’s funny because if you saw me, you wouldn’t think that. I’m so bubbly and outgoing but […]
I am a little bit ashamed i am here now. I am not thinking about suicide again, at least not so often. I just have this constant feeling of being down.
I am sometimes thinking i am not capable of feeling good or enjoying life. I have those episodes of euphoria when something incredible happens and when life surprises me spontaneously. But i feel they are terribly rare. I know i have no reason to be unhappy because i have so many things and new people around me and i even learned to be happy because of others. I also tried to talk about my problems […]
This place is so familiar, this place that I always come back to. Chainsmoking my way through a lonely night, endlessly surfing the net to distract my mind. Radio, TV, Twitter, facebook, scroling scrolling, clicking clicking – only turning off the light when I know that sleep will be instantaneous.
I’ve tried blaming it on circumstance, the balance in my bank account, my parents marriage, failed relationships…but this thing, this thing is always with me. I move and it comes with me, I hide, it finds me, I embrace it and it kills me.
I don’t know what it is, restless fatigue and itchy bones […]
This seems like a lot of effort to say something rather uninteresting but it would be cruel to say nothing.
written by whycantijustuseanormalname
I have no reason, downfalls or problems for why I want too do this to myself all I know is that I want too. Senseless right? I agree, though I have been battling with it since I was about 12 so everyone has a breaking point right? No one has any idea of what I’m about to do either. Some in the past have seen how I am but probably thought as I got older I grew out of it as if it were a phase. Well if you’re reading this any of you… it doesn’t really matter any more does it. I’m texting my […]
My name is Joe, I live in England and I am training to be a hairdresser. I started my training two months ago, I am 19 years old.
I’ll be honest with you my life so far has not been easy, like the majority of people in this world I’ve faced issues and encountered problems which has hurt me, which is fine bad things happen. I was bullied at school, people made fun of my physical appearance a lot, and I didn’t fit in with the popular crowd. I hanged out with the more geeky group, and didn’t mind it, I got on well, but as time went […]
In short, my brother killed himself april of 2011. He was my only brother and he will always be my closest and best friend, a hero of sorts for a little brother if you understand the relationships between siblings. anyway, he was 29 married no children and i was 21. few months after he passed away i was going to shoot myself in the heart with a 12-guage slug to ensure death and hopefully immidietly death would follow. to this day i don’t know what changed my mind, not fear of death but i guess fear for my family’s wellbeing.. but anyway.. i think about him everyday. shortly after his death i became deeply addicted […]
Sometimes I love so truly and deeply that I forget about myself.Â
The person I am with becomes everything to me. I put them first in everything I do. However, I never have this love returned to me. So I question whether it is right for me to love this way. The price I pay for this love is myself. In return what I get is pain. So is it right to love this way? May be not.Â
The reason why I love this way is because if I don’t wake up tomorrow, then I will know that I have done everything that was within my power […]
I sit here hating myself for being myself. I try everyday to live to be happy, but nothing ever works. The realization of the fact that the one person you love so much will never love you back torments me and leaves me unable to move. I pray for the torment to end.
He says I don’t try enough and he gets mad at me. But I know not what to do. I do what anyone deeply in love does when they are hurt by the one they love…I cry. I cry a river that turns into an ocean. My bloody tears mean nothing anymore because […]
As the title says nothing beats everything I am dealing with now. My babies are all split up and their hearts are shattered. In turn their pain rings so loudly to me. I had to rock my crying 6 year old little girl to sleep in a hotel room before I took her back to her father. I am disabled and incapable of providing a stable home for my children. I am going to an online university and I find it mundane and pointless. Feeling guilty is something that runs rampant in my heart and the feeling of complete inadequacy fills me to the brim […]
Woah, hey guys, long time no see. What the fuck is going on champs.
So, this week is finals for the first semester. And god damn it it’s so annoying. I don’t mean just because of finals. I mean because of the people I have to deal with.
Of course I still like that girl in my drama class. I still don’t know what to do about her, and the semester is over and she’s in grade 12, so I’m more or less fucked in that situation. Believe me, I want to ask her out, but I have 24 hours to do it and no confidence. So […]
Truth, I’m here for a school project of my choice. Truth, I may have caused an attempted suicide and I fell for the friend who’s father shot himself on christmas…his life’s fucked up. Truth, I have nothing to complain about, I don’t get raped, I have two parents(stepdad but whatever) that love me and feed me and give me a roof over my head, I don’t live in a thrid world country, I’m going to get a higher education, and yet scary thoughts or thinking of lame relationships get me down…some memories or places trigger depression yet i havent been diagnosed…i guess i don’t need […]
The consequences of today are determined by our thoughts & actions of the past. To change your future, alter your thoughts & actions today. There is never a better time then the present.
1.“Action is the foundational key to all success.†– Pablo Picasso
2.“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.†– Jim Rohn
ie by changing nothing, nothing changes. You can’t expect to be doing the same thing, thinking the same thing and then expecting a differet outcome. ie a positive 2012. We are but the product of our habits & thoughts ~ if they are poor then so […]
Hi my name is Aurora and I’m going to turn 19 soon. Since I was a little girl I’ve suffered from depression. I remember my frist suicide attempt was when I was around the age of 7 to 9. I tried to suffocate myself with my blanky by stuffing it down my throat, it didnt work. I continued on with my life miserable, but unaware that these feelings werent normal. My mother and stepfather abused me most of my life both mentally and physically. When I confronted my mom about the way she use to treat me she tells me to get over it or […]
I am a 26 year old guy that came from a great family, married an incredible women, and fathered the most precious little girl 2 years ago last month! My life was amazing and then I became addicted to prescripton drugs. My entire world has been turned upside down and I have deeply deeply hurt my amazing wife (who left me in Febuary) my parents, my siblings, and my baby girl. I have gone through rehab and I go to meetings, but tonight I found out that my wife is ready to move forward with her life and that I am not included in those […]