I go through these periods of withdrawal, when all I can seem to do is stare at the wall or refresh internet pages.  Other times I just feel sick or exhausted or down in some other way that I can’t explain.  I don’t seem to care about anything anymore.  Today I began a journal entry: About a year from now, I will graduate from  college.  In a little over a year, I hope to be dead.  I have a plan, which is imperfect: I want to disappear without ever being found.  I want my family to think I’m somewhere, alive, so that they don’t suffer. […]
Tag:
Religion
I don’t remember when it was i first saw something die, but i can bet you it was a goat, being slaughtered by the “Dehar” of my village for one of our religious festivals. And though i probably made little of it at the time, given that this was in the rural Hindu-Kush, where one is exposed to animal slaughter at a young age, ever since my family left Pakistan, such memories have effected me in a profound manner. Now some of you may be thinking that, given that I am from Pakistan, I am muslim, but i am not, my people are called the […]
The spoiler of Life.      HOPE
Hope ,that last  line that keeps you hear grounded.
Hope also brings  along for the run, Faith.
The belief that it will get better. Faith
Witch also stands along side with religion .
IF anyone can stop you He can. By witch name do i call you.
ARE YOU Â the ALL FOGIVING GOD , will you forgive me for what
ive done. Or will you judge me a coward and plugs my soul to hell.
wait is their even a heaven ? In my sleep i fine freedom from my
mind consent war . The peace i seek is their , No more pain, Nothing
simple sleep  is this what death is like? […]
I’m not even sure how to do all this, I haven’t taken the time to read through everything. I just need to get this out. Now.
I think too much, way too much. I’m a 40 year old female who has thought about dieing since I was a teenager. I guess I’ve always been scared to live. I was bullied horribly in school. I never felt like I was good enough for my parents… But all of that is more than 2 decades in the past. Maybe that is what started my depression. I can’t even remember not being depressed. Now though, I’m on medication that […]
The thing about religion
You have to act perfect
Fit in
Go to their youth groups
Pray all the time
What’s the downs about religion?
Oh I’ll tell you
You get judged all the time
Talked about
Stared at rudely
Being called the “devil”
Just because I stated my thoughts
They say they won’t judge you
But they do
I would think of religion as of something I would feel comfortable having
But I guess I was wrong
A bunch of hypocrites, can I say?
I’m certain I’m not the only 24 year old out there with a depression issue but I’d like to try and figure this out. I am relativly successful. I recently got out of the military and started college and am going to try and get into the nursing program. I had a lot of issues when I was around 16/17 with depression. Then I got better then again when I was 19 and living alone. I joined the military shortly there after and was fine until the extreme amount of stress was too much to handle any more after 3.5 years. Now i am here […]
   A bigot is defined in the online Oxford English Dictionary as:
a person who has very strong, unreasonable beliefs or opinions about race, religion or politics and who will not listen to or accept the opinions of anyone who disagrees.
Why do such people still exist in this world? Haven’t we, as a race, grown up into our adulthood yet, the civilised versions of our cave dwelling former selves? I’m thinking no.
A few weeks ago, while walking to visit my grandparents, my partner and I happened to pass by a group of older teens who were talking about the young man and woman who’d […]
We are the future of us all
we are the generation who is destined to fall
we are the present’s invokable call
we can’t be heard through the last generations wall
we destroy ourselves without remorse
we set sail on an unchangeable course
our parents have made us who we are
they have locked us up behind concrete and bar
suicide and drugs seem our only escape
we all go out with chalk lines and yellow tape
all victims of depression and anger
some are popular some the more stranger
we all grow up whether we want to or not
because […]
The only place i really feel safe anymore is church, my friend andrew begged me for MONTHS to go with him and i caved in having given up on religion a long time ago.
Where was god when i got raped? Where was he when i asked for forgivness? To get past these feelings, to fight depression?
So i started going and i’ve started talking to a lady named candice, shes nice and is one of the youth counsulurs there. She knows a bit about my past, but i havent said much.. i’m scared their all gonna abandon me still. My trust, its so hard to earn.. […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I have been struggling with this for a long, long time. Suicide, the word that is there all the time, something I can’t get out of my mind. I know exactly who I am, and what I am going to be if I don’t end this. I’m just an ignorant, ugly, fat, useless waste of air, and that’s exactly what I am going to be for the rest of my life if I dont stop it right now.
I’ve tried everything: I’ve tried to be positive, I’ve tried religion, I’ve tried to have friends, to talk with my family. Nothing works, it seems like I’m some […]
*WARNING I talk a little bit about religion in this post, now I’m not trying to preach the gospel or telling anyone to convert, I’m just talking about my experience*
My last post I mentioned that a pastor wanted to see me because he noticed a sadness in me keep in mind I have not told anybody about my depression, now I’ve already seen him twice he wanted to focus on  getting me out of my shell I know he means well but when I went there I didn’t feel comfortable. Every time I met with him I felt like I wasn’t going there for me […]
I’m so over this! I can’t believe the things you say sometimes. I thought we were friends before this week, I even liked you most of the time unlike everyone else. Every time everyone else would be talking about how annoying you are and how much they hated you I never joined in, because I thought we were ok. I tried so Damn hard to be friends with you, and to answer your questions about religion but apparently nothing I did matters at all! I hate you so much right now! When you say things like, “Aspen and Makell are the ones that helped me the most,” […]
If life has taught me anything, its how pointless everything is. If you aren’t rich in a capitalist society your life will most likely be a nonstop living hell until the day you die and there will be very little you can do to stop it. Some people brainwash themselves with religion, some use drugs and/or alcohol, others distract themselves by any means necessary telling themselves someday life will be worth it but that day never happens. Most people die deeply disappointed by life, those that live long enough to be elderly usually just give up and wait for death (visit an old folks home […]
I don’t even know if I am posting this in the right spot or if anyone will even see it. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m a normal kid. Early 20’s.. apparently decent life. But I seriously wish I were dead. I may not struggle financially thanks to my parents (I do not live at home, but they financially support me. pay my rent, etc.) I do work, though. I have never posted about this stuff online and I don’t even know how to word whats going on in my head. I may not struggle financially and sometimes I feel like god gave […]
I’m so tired of being alive. Everything is so pointless. Nothing matters. We’re just a tiny speck on a speck of a planet in a speck of a solar system in one tiny galaxy among trillions and trillions and trillions of galaxies. Nothing makes a difference in the long run.
What happens right now will affect your life, but it won’t make a big difference. Sure, it might a few people, but what does that matter? We’re just numbers on a gravestone. My insignificant life doesn’t matter, but I should at least be happy, so I can enjoy it just a bit while I’m here. Right? […]
So a school person found out about my suicide and I was sent to the school spycologyest.
And she was like:
“You know if you kill yourself, you go to hell, right?
I was angry with this. I have always had religion in my face, and I almost blew up here.
Then she was like, “What do you have to do tonigh?8
A orchestra concert,” I said.
“What if you kill yourself today or tomorrow?”
Then they sent me to a hospital place for a month.
Do you think she was trying to control me or actually help me? It seemed like it was more for […]
Science say’s when you die. It’s game over. Consciousness is produced by the brain. Religion say’s we have a soul. I say youwhat.? If there is a god why would it give us soul’s. Make us immortal.? & why would he love us. Let’s face it. Human beings are a bunch of freaks. Self obsessed selfish & self absorbed. Ok there are expressions but not for most..
I think i’m a  searcher.
Are they any radical muslims in the uk who are armed.?
If i in salt your your religion will you kill me. I don’t want to go for the hole bein stoned to death. But a gunshot to the head or heart. Donnie die’s in a tragic accident.
please do not try to judge me, but thinking about it now, i don’t think a human being should even need friends.
i’m not saying they r a waste of time, but they aren’t “requiered” to live. Any man can live and be sane without having to interact with many other humans. actually, people need friends to one, know how to interact, two, keep up with news, or three, know what to be sane it.
but being sane isn’t of one quallity, besides the quality of being sane. sane can mean go along with killing millions of people who go by that religion and be normal. or sane could […]