I’m suicidal for three years straight. I’m a victim off bullying, I cut, I have no friends, I love the wrong person and I have no perspectives in life. I tried to kill myself by overdosing and cutting veins but it didn’t work.
I want to combine jumping, drowning and poison in my last seconds of life. I want to do all of this at night. Here the European Yew grows wild in the parks. My aim is to collect several hundreds of seeds and about 200 grams of fresh leaves, mash it and ingest it. It will make me die of cardiac arrest. […]
Tag:
Ribs
So ive never been a blogger or anythig but I would like to share my story so people can relate. When I was younger I was bullied at home and at school. My dad was always very mean to us whicj is sadly common. I was a very sick child and they thought I would die at an early age. I was very skinny where you coul see all my ribs and my eyes sunk in. People often made fun of me at school for being so sick. I was bullied all through elementry school for being ugly,sick, and dumb. Life was very hard for […]
at twilight
you came to me
with glistening cheecks
& red eyes
gasping
trying not to cry
you hid new scars
under long hair
as you tilted your head down
because you don’t want
them to see you
you’re crying too hard
i think you don’t realize
how much i love you
you’re a train wreck, miss
but you try so hard
to fix your messed up life
but i want you to know
that it’s not your fault
you didn’t do this to yourself
sweetheart;
at twilight you came to me
with thin hair
& an empty stomach
ribs sticking over
and a spine sinking low
-e.m.
I have always been a lost child in the wonders of how this world work, felt different, alone, unwanted. My perception of life was so different from others to the point I was unsure what the definition of life was… to me life was what we based it on what we create of it, not repetition and constant drills to form us into all similar beings. I never understood peoples fascination with money when I was younger, it was paper… why did people fight over it. As I grew I started becoming more frustrated with the world in lack of understanding the point of it […]
Im very young only 14 but you would never guess that Im 6 feet 3 inches and always was the big kid.  My parents sheltered me until i was 7 when my mother abandoned us.  I got depressed but i never let out untill my depression turned to rage i got into fights in middle school broke peoples ribs but got off the hook because i did very well in school one day i was blind sided and broke my foot that’s when i got introduced to oxycodone i got addicted it eased my pain and i calmed down i had to steal money from my dad to get the stuff I later  started regularly poping pills whether it […]
The last few posts were of True Stories. But this one, will be different. It’s what I’ve done and happened today. How I feel right now. And what’s going on.
Currently, I’m sitting on the edge of my couch. Law and Order SVU is on, about a Ryan and Rebecca Clifford. My teddy bear sits next to me. I’m listening to I’m Yours To Lose from Zeromancer. And I’m typing this (well, duh.) But a surprise. During the week of my man’s being with his girlfriend, he’s able to get on Skype. We’ve been talking for about an hour. It’s a good thing, because I was […]
I know a girl. She always had two sides to her.
The Outside; She was pretty, happy, loving. She always put her friends first, did everything she could to help them, always had a smile and a hug set aside for anyone who needed it. She had hopes and dreams for a future, she had a loving boyfriend, who was dedicated to her. She always told the truth when it came to other people, even when she knew it would hurt. She always found the brighter side of everything. She had good grades, she had every talent, she was amazing.
The Inside: She hurt. She couldn’t cry, so she […]
they took a picture of me during lunch hour the other day. and by they i mean my ‘friends’. actually, i’m not even friends with the boy who took the picture. he just hangs out with my ‘friends’. anyway, he took a picture and showed the girl next to him. they started laughing. i figured it was a picture from facebook or something. then one of the girls asked ‘what?’. the girl who first saw the picture said ‘trust me. you don’t want to see it’. the boy sent the picture to that girl and then showed the other people around him. they were all […]
i always wanted to know what it feels like to get a knife threw you  but like i cant put a knife threw myself by myself i dont know whyy but i just cant do it im to scared of whats on the other side if you know what i mean thats why im just waiting for someone to do it for me i love fights getting into them is amazing feeling i think i just like the pain that comes from it but who knows everytime i close my eyes i just get this dream where im fighting some chick and going all out too […]
I went crazy yesterday.
 Mom brought home the one who irrates me so. We had an agreement that I would get advanced warning we she was bringing him home. Yesterday she had left a message on my phone. I had be working in the barn and hadn’t had my phone with me. There’s a longer story but I ended getting upset and lost my ability to talk and think straight. I tried to contain myself/felt an explosion inside. Ended up mucking up two of my belongings(silently with no audience-it was the best I could do).
Today, he’s back again. Today there was not even a call before. […]
Last night I went to one of my best friend’s house. She
asked if I wanted to go get ice cream and when I said yes her face lit up. She
kept asking if I was sure, as we drove to the ice cream place, as we stood in
line, as we ordered. I spent the night and this morning we went into her
kitchen and devoured all the food we could find, like normal teenagers. Â After everything we ate she would offer
something else, I would say yes, and she would just smile cheek to cheek. Afterwards
we went to a pool and while […]
When I was a little girl, I knew nothing of the word ‘ hate ‘ . I knew no sadness, I was so carefree, I did what I could to make others pleased. I was blind to what my brother was doing to me , blind to see that it wasn’t my fault. After I walked in on my first brother shooting him self in the head , my sweet careless brother
. I noticed my second brother had changed toward me , I noticed he was more hostile. He beat me every night , he kicked my ribs till’ I heard them crack. He […]
I know that people say that I should be happy with the life that I have, but right now, I just don’t see anything good in life…. I seriously want to die. I cry so much, but I don’t let people see. I am called names, made fun of, etc. It has become too much for me. I just don’t want to be alive. I tried to commit suicide, but I sadly failed. I just don’t see the point of being alive at this point. If I had the chance, I would try it again, but my mom hid all the pills and sharp items […]
In Othello, Desdemona is smothered by her lover, Othello. Throughout the past year I’ve been telling myself I could never do that to you(I could never do that, physically, to you). However, it dawns on me that my pounding on your door when you needed space was in fact me smothering you. I am smothering you now just by sending you this letter. I am so sorry for this, for everything.
Bronte said it best between Jane Erye and Rochester: There is something inexplicable beneath my left ribs that was once connected to you in a similar fashion; but that connection has been severed and now […]
I was beautiful.
I was light.
I was in full control.
I could resist everything.
I loved their whispers, their stares.
I was faster than everyone.
I was not injured.
I was not broken.
I was not torn, or shattered.
I did not limp.
I could do what needed to be done.
I was smart.
I was confident.
I could ignore that voice.
I still loved him.
I did not love him.
I had cheekbones, collarbones, shoulder blades, ribs, wrist bones, knees.
I had everything.
Now I can’t even control my brain.
I’m not fast.
I’m not light.
I’m not who I should be.
Everything […]
“To remain silent and indifferent is the greatest sin of all”- Elie Wiesel. This quote alone has been one of the most inspirational things to get me through my days, recently. Elie was a concentration camp survivor, and if he can get passed all of that, then I can get past a few horrible days, and don’t you know, I’ve had plenty of those.
When I was in seventh grade, I had a few friends who had been dealing with really abusive parents, for their whole life. I didn’t really know exactly what they were going through, because I never had experienced that before. I grew […]
my name is Rod, i am suicidal..i am diagnosed depression..i am crying as i write this..i am in so much pain..not just emotionaly but physical as well…i want to tell my story but i feel no one will care anyway..i guess i came here to find hope and all i really find is people either worse off then me or people with so much pain i can feel it in my own heart …i hate when people try to tell me its ok and will get better…it has only gotten worse as years go by…i am at my end..there is nothing that can seem to […]
I’ve had my girlfriend write down some of the things i say in my sleep and some other things i DO!! This is right out of the book >Well obviously it starts in ohio i cant remember it all ,but heres a few thing’s”at times he has dreams that i am cheating or being very flirtacous.so he’ll call me a whore,slut,stupid whore,Then he has gotten so angry in his sleep over me that he will elbow me in the ribs.He has also set stright up in bed and pointed towards the closet and in German said “das sweatter ich nicht gut”which means the sweater […]