Perhaps my life! Am I actually very pessimistic or is the world way too unrealistic? Somebody tell me please. I find these words like “hope”, “happy endings”, “it gets better” and “optimism” sweet and nice when I read books or watch movies. When it comes to real life I guess these are cliches over-hyped by people who have never been where most of us have been and even if they have, they have this natural ability to just get out of things happily. You can’t ignore real problems and circumstances. I have gone through a lot and I haven’t been any braver or stronger as […]
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right
since i was here last, things have been getting steadily worse and worse in my mind. i’m lonely as ever, but can’t go outside or talk to people because of my social phobia. i still live in my little shoebox of a room, where i’m on the internet all day, every day, because if i don’t have that connection i’ll be completely alone. all i want right now is love, something i’ve never had. i want a boyfriend. but i’ll never be loved because i do not look like a model, and it sucks knowing this. it hurts to not be touched or anything, it […]
This is getting really difficult now.
I had a meeting with the crisis team last Friday, the lady was so lovely I just wanted to say “you could be this amazing person to someone who isn’t visualising themself jumping off a building right now”.
She said she was concerned. That the only thing holding me back from killing myself is the impact of who finds me etc. I’ve read too many things of train drivers who are emotionally scarred by someone jumping in front of them etc.
But it is something I am thinking of less and less as the overwhelming feelings of nothingness take over me.
I feel […]
Im tired of life, being a big failure on everything. Not being accepted by anyone. Bullied because of my phisic(i’m not english and i can’t spell right, sorry) well, i’m not here to tell my story. I wanted to ask everyone if pills overdose(OD) is a painless way to die? And if so, how much pills do i take and what type?.
So I have always hated my birthday and it’s coming up next week. I see a lot of birthday posts on here and thought I’d add mine. For the first 15 years of my life I celebrated my birthday with the birthday of the man who was molesting me, we ate cake together, laughed, played and… other stuff. For the next 15 years I prayed for my own death and even attempted it with one serious attempt that left me with broken bones… BUT last year was good even though I struggled and this year even though I am struggling I think it will be […]
I find myself waiting for the crosswalk light to turn to go, watching all the speeding cars fly by. I like to stand as close to the edge as I can and just imagine the feeling of stepping out into traffic, and the feeling of the impact of the first car to hit me. the only thing holding me back is the possibility of some how surviving that…and all those people watching…me. I was told it only gets harder from here. Right now is harder than I can stand, just kill me now, I hate life.
i could die right now and nothing would change. the world would still progress. i am one out of over seven billion people on this earth and nothing i do is actually important.
so whats to stop me from perishing?
I live with my mum. I don’t speak to my dad much. He ruined my life, quite literally. I wont go in to detail, but he destroyed my childhood, which still seems to be effecting me now, at 15 years old.
He turned up at my house the other week, dragging so much of my past back up. I haven’t spoken to him properly for over a year now, and he had the cheek to tell me, his daughter that he doesn’t know and hasn’t known for over 6 years, that I’m depressed.
I mean, I personally think there’s something along the lines of that there, but he […]
I just wish I could escape, to get out of here. To just walk endlessly and lie down and die. Just disappear. I’m so fucking done. All the people, all the people; my friends, people I don’t wanna know, people I used to know. I tried and I fucked up, I haven’t had my pills in about a week. I just feel like shit. Everything’s crashing down, gone, just pointless bullshit. I hope she’s okay, I’m just unable to be there for her right now like I should(?) be. I need a reprieve. I need sleep too but that’ll just lead to more school. She […]
Just a couple more days, we’ll be having a sembreak and I’ll be taking medications.
Right now, I feel really tired. We have finals today. Can’t even get one thing memorized..
Later. Gotta go to the lecture now.
I thought I hit rock bottom this weekend. I could barely get out of bed, and I didn’t do ANYTHING I had to do, no work, just staying in bed and watching movies I really didn’t care about. I tried to reach out for friends, but literally none of them wanted to go out, and it made me feel worse. Rejected. I was on the edge, thoughts about suicide invading my mind and I couldn’t control my crying.
I woke up today feeling completely different. I’m not that sad anymore, just numb, as if everything I’ve been feeling for the past three days is something really distant. […]
If I am weak or selfish shouldn’t I take responsibility for that?
Shouldnt I just get out of everyone’s way?
A hindrance is still an issue even if it only effects a few, it won’t get better til some sort of action is taken right…
I’ve been close to the edge before, or at least felt it begin to close in on me.. At which point I would try to find some stronghold to pull myself back from. But right now, at this very second, I’m finding it hard to have any reason to stay. There is nothing left for me. There’s too much going on, but at the same time there’s nothing going on. Right now, a way out seems like the only viable option. The only good and reasonable option. The only option, really. I just can’t do it anymore, I simply can’t, and I don’t know if […]
So I just got my first job and I don’t know. I want to be happy about it but I feel like I’m just going to fuck it up bad. I feel like I’m going to do or say something stupid and everyone is going to remember it and I’m terrified I’ll be humiliated and I just want to cry even thinking about starting my first shift is making me want to burst in tears I don’t know if it’s just jitters or what but I feel like I’m going to simultaneously vomit and cry I don’t know what to do. I’m panicing so bad […]
That moment you realize they were right. You are nothing….never will be. What am doing wrong that people see right through me. Wish bad things on me. Is it cause i am not pretty enough…or because i just not what you want. That moment everything clicks. That moment when getting on your knee’s praying to god begging him to end it become a norm. People just don’t realize how easily easily easily easily there words can influence someone decision. Like i wish that i wasn’t afraid to just do it. I know that as the time pass on me being afraid will soon fade. I […]
I live with the hell of chronic pain conditions that affect me every day. I was dimissed from a doctor a month ago and have an appt with a new one soon. I’m on heavy pain meds and they ran out a few days ago. I have Percocet from my pcp to get me through the next few days but it’s not enough. How does someone who’s already severely depressed and daily thinks about suicide handle withdrawl at the same time?? I seriously feel the need to use again, and I haven’t done hard drugs in 10months. I’ve been crying often this past week and […]
I got everything in the mail finally. About 10 mins ago I used an extra shoe string to bend the nozzle on the helium tank so it remains open and provides a constant flow.
I had to purchase a couple of small plumbing fixtures to create an adapter to fit the hose on the tank. But I’ve got an airtight seal so there’s no leakage.
Ive already learned how to put on the mask and got it fitted just right.
So I’m ready to go. Now the next time I get sick. Instead of laying here in agony for 3 days, I’m OUT!!!
Special thanks to whoever posted the […]
Thanks to those of you who commented on my last post. Your comments were quite warming and although some of your advice seems hard for me right now, I know you’re right, I know what I have to do. I hope that one day I can, but for now I can just thank you. You know who you are.
I’m writing an entire political manifesto that covers everything from national security, to the abolition of the penny to better social programs to how emerging technologies can create a utopia in the future. Even though euthanasia is a section of the manifesto, it’s very important. I still got a lot to write on euthanasia including the right to die for the mentally ill. Here is what I got so far (prob about 10% complete on tthe euthanasia topic)………………
The Bioethics Agenda
EUTHANASIA
Denying the right for terminally ill people to choose to end their own lives by peaceful means is one of the biggest human and civil rights […]
It all started at a young age… my mother was in an abusive relationship, and I felt helpless because I was too little to stick up for her. I started hating myself, I blamed myself for her abuse. Eventually I began hating her, I despise her, but I still wish I could’ve done something! This is where the self hatred began. I then moved in with my father and have been living with him for around 4 years now. In the past 4 years I have severely struggled in school. I had always been a straight A student, but now I find myself struggling to […]