I’m not too sure what to do anymore. Nights are the worst for this constant depression, days aren’t too bad because if i’m at work I don’t have time to think about them. I have to wear long sleeves at work though, weather it be hot or cold out just because  my scars and cuts make me a little insecure. But that’s not bad. Just lately, it’s been getting worse. I do NOT want to kill myself. I mean, I think it would just make all the pain go away but i want to see what live has to show me. I’ve been thinking lately […]
Tag:
Scars
The blood flows from my arms
You cry and tell my that I need to stop
You don’t understand.
This is what keeps me alive.
This proves I’m still human deep down.
This shows me I can still bleed, that I can still feel.
The razor is my best friend now.
He never judges.
He’s there when I need him.
He let’s me take my feelings out.
It’s not healthy it’s what makes you right.
This makes me right.
No matter how sick and twisted it sounds, its what keeps me sane.
If the price to pay is a little blood and […]
I wake up..find a brush and put on a little makeup..just to hide the scars and fade away the shakeup. Told him I came back because I left the keys on the table, but he knew that I was creating another fable. He thinks I wanted to. He doesnt even trust in my long-wanted suicide. I cry…cause when he calls me “Angel” I want to die.
No one wants to be friends with a person that has hideous scars, or wears long sleeves all the time, or that enjoys rainy, gloomy days like me. My depression kills people. But i wouldnt be so depressed if I had friends. Someone that actually understands my pain..nobody wants to be friends with a girl that prefers the color black or that wants to stay in and watch movies. Nobody wants to be friends with that girl..that sits alone at the lunch table..waiting to breathe..waiting for someone to ask if the seat across from her is taken. No one wants to be friends with the girl […]
So a guy added me as a friend on facebook tonight. I didn’t really know him, but we had mutual friends so I accepted. He then messaged me and we started talking. This happens a lot to me and I always feel bad ignoring them. I just like making others happy, so I try my hardest to be nice. This particular guy, very attractive, he’s 21. I’m only 16. I know the type of guys that do this, desperate, just want to bang. I’m an extremely good girl though. I am in honors classes, I play sports, I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, I […]
Getting fucking sick of all these people; Lets give them an answer
“I don’t understand why you would want to cut yourself”
’cause it fucking feels good and i love the sight of my own blood
“You’ll regret those scars”
No i fucking won’t. I want more. I think they are beautiful!
“You are only doing this for attention”
I hate this one the most. If you honestly think i’m doing it for attention, why did you find out TWO years after i started and that was only after i TOLD you ’cause i had a cut that was really infected because it was huge.
Fuck wit. […]
I feel more and more exhausted every single day. It’s not a physical exhaustion…more of a mental and emotional exhaustion. My mind is constantly running. Running running running. I can’t ever get it to shut up. Unless I’m high. I’d love to just start cutting again, but I really don’t want to add anymore scars to my little collection. I already get looked at like I’m some sort of fucking parasite if I dare wear a tank top.
I really am on the verge of losing it. I don’t want to make my parents upset…after the last death, I couldn’t ever put my parents through that. […]
I say that im fine but im going insane. I tell people that I feel good but im in a lot of pain. I say its nothing but its really a lot. I say im okay but really im not….How can you understand me when I can’t understand myself? you tell me everythings gonna be okay. how do you know that??? i want to end this all. the person i love…the one i fell for now hates me. i cant carry on living. the purpose in life is to find your happiness. ive never found mine. EVER. im covered in scars from shoulder to wrist […]
Ive been trying to type how I feel, but I just cant get my thoughts straight. I have this very often. I know what I want to say. And in my head I hear the exact sentence, I just cant get it of my lips. And its not only when talking about emotions, I also have it when I’m just in the middle of a random conversation. Like my brain kind of just stops and I just cant get the words out. The feeling of having something on the tip of your tongue, only difference is that I know what I want to say but […]
i was not cut out for this world. i dont know where to start so i wont im sure you have all heard it before anyway. does it ever get easier to accept? im such a coward because i know i can do it i know i can cut open a vein or suffocate myself with coal its fast its easy but im so afraid that if i back out half way then what? walk around explaing the scars or brain damaged from the fumes of the coal? does this mean i still have a sparkle of fight in me? todat i tried hard to […]
Not acting on suicide plans – looking for help (SIAD/Butterfly Project)
by LilBear
written by LilBear
I posted on here last month saying I was going to kill myself whenever I felt ready. I’d been planning to do it yesterday after my last scheduled meeting with someone had gone past, only I’ve managed to arrange to meet someone next Thursday. But for once, I’m actually not annoyed. I feel incredibly motivated to keep pushing on, and I’ve found a way to help me along.
So SIAD is tomorrow, and being a cutter, this is the day I’m more motivated to draw butterflies on my arms. I decided to try and raise some awareness for both SIAD and butterfly project in school, so […]
No one knows how badly I wish I could be normal. I wish I didn’t have trouble with bullies. I wish everyone treated me the way I treat them. I am a very nice girl, probably the nicest you’ll ever meet. But all people see is someone who is different. Someone who sticks out because they aren’t skinny. I’m intelligent. A straight A student. I am nice to everyone, even people who bully me. I put others before myself and I hide my pain behind a smile. And these are the thoughts I have:
Just one more cut. It’s not like anyone notices.
If I died, who […]
So back to the me showinq my social worker my scars.Well now I showed my scars to my caseworker and he’s basically tellinq me that If I’m not qoinq to the hospital that I should qo to depression meetinq’s/qroups If there Is any.Do any of yall attend qroups for depresion?I really wanna qo so I can qo back to school and learn Instead of start smokinq In the morninq.Next week I’m qoinq to see my theropist to see any other alternatives.So to my oriqinal question does anyone qo any depression qroups???
I just feel I’m not worthy of living.
People who live should want to live. They should be happy and should want to accomplish things.
Ive posted about my lists before, that was not really a success. (understatement)
Since Im very chaotic, sigh, I lost my original lists. Which lead to a panic attack caus I cant stand losing things. So I made new ones. And it bothers me really much that I dont know what exactly was on the original lists.. but anyway I’ll just add the things I forgot now later.
I thought I could maybe share the lists this time.
Reasons to die:
I am selfish;
I am ugly. […]
I have no clue what I’m doing or how i found this webpage… I just attempted suicide today and I didn’t even realize it… I’m just gunna vent and rant about my life story now…Keep scrolling if you don’t care…which you probably don’t…
Ok…so I’ve been cutting myself for two years. On December 8th, 2011 I cut myself at school and got caught (I know I’m stupid for doing that but I really had to…) And in 2 hours…I was ripped away from everything I knew and put in a mental institute 2 hours away from where I live. I attempted suicide while I was there. […]
Does anyone have any advice on how to get the inner strength to wear a t-shirt in public and let my self-harming scars show? They are all over my arm, on the inside and out. All up and down. They stick out so much. It’s obvious they are from cutting. I’m able to wear shorts and I have cuts on my leg but not as bad as my arm. I just don’t want to wear long sleeves when it’s 90 degrees outside anymore. But I don’t want people to stare. I know it’ll happen though. I just want to be normal…but I am not. And […]
So I just cut like twenty-minutes aqo listeninq to I’m not alriqht (by Sanctus real).I cutted deep but for some reason I bearly bleed and I came out as some baby line’s.Some much for lookinq at my scars to remind me that what I’m qoinq threw Is hard.Alot of people want to stop cuttinq but I like It,It makes me feel qood Inside.I recently relapsed:(I even smoked two hour’s before a biq event happened at my Church.I’m a horiibe person for continuinq to smoke.All I want Is to be loved!It’s the best feelinq In the world.I still remember the feelinq when me and my ex would […]
it has been months since i last cut. I just Did it again , this time i was in the tub . I loved watching the blood flow off of my wrist, then pour into the milky water. It is as i am cutting to make a point to my self . I want me to know that being depressed is not a good thing and the pain is the punishment . I like the punishment , i like the pain . I like to see the scars on my wrist . It reminds us that the past is real and that is something i care for. […]
Well I have tried killing myself. I’ve slit my wrists, arms, legs, stomach, fingertips. I don’t want an identity. I have burned off my fingerprints but they grew back, no matter how many times I burned them off.
I don’t consider myself human.
I’m an alien.
I’m a redhead that lives in a small town full of Mexicans. I don’t hate them, I love my friends. But I’m an alien. I’m from mars and other people like me (gingers) are the reason why mars is red. I had to learn to make fun of myself at a very young age in order to live in this hellhole-of-a-town.
I’ve held a […]
So, I guess i’ll tell you about myself. My name is Zoe. spelled Zoe pronounced Zoey. Iv’e always been a happy kid. or so everyone thinks so. no one really knows how i feel. they don’t bother to look past the smiles and see the constant pain and emptyness I feel. I shouldnt be complaining though, ive got a roof over my head, clothes on my back, family and friends. BUT IM NOT HAPPY!
When I was young, and id get stressed or sad, id bite myself and scream into my arm until I felt relieved. It always left a big mark.. it felt good. […]