Im 17 years old. 18 on November 22. I just lost my dad on March 22, a little over 4 months ago from liver and kidney disease. I watched him suffer, deteriorate. My hero started needing me for help to do the simplest of tasks.. I had to help him up after the many times he had fallen. But now hes dead. He was in the hospital for a few months before he died so somethimes it doesnt seem like he is gone. But I never wanted to go see him in the hospital. You see his illness made him say some mean things. He […]
This is my second post. today hadn’t been that good. I’ve been floating in and out of sadness and depression. I’ve begun considering going to see a psychiatrist for my problems; hopefully they’ll be able to answer some of my questions because… I don’t understand this…
Each night I go to sleep, hoping I won’t wake up. During the night I wake and watch the shadows drift around me and beg God to never let it end, to just let those shadows stay forever and take me away into the darkness. Then when the sun rises I’m still breathing and I curse my own being. Getting […]
The burn of the scars
A knife with black thread
The floors turn red
With the blood I’ve bleed
The knife goes in and out
With ease, the thread
That close them finally
Breath
When black spots
Cover my eyes, my
Job is done. As I surrender
To the pain
A smile grace my face
Because I know when
I come to the thread
Has erased
All the pain that
It chased
This is the first time I’ve ever publically posted/said that I am in as much pain as I am. I’ve hidden it for years, even when I was a young teen. When I was little I thought everybody had bad days like mine: times when the world looked grey, when even speaking was difficult, when my soul felt sucked from me. I’m too afraid to truly come out and tell anyone around me how I really feel. They’ll all just say “Just put on a smile and look on the bright side” or “It’ll be okay, just buck up”. Can’t anyone see that I can’t […]
Well, I don’t know how to exactly go about this. I’ve never told exactly what happened to me to a lot of people….but I guess I can start now. This may be long to some people and for that, I am sorry. If you don’t want a sad story about a dying girl, I would move on. Well….here we go.
I was raised in a small town in the midwest. I’ve gone to the same schools my whole life. My life was good. Everyone’s is for awhile. Then, something changed. 6th grade changed everything.
I had always been bullied. By a girl here and there, a boy […]
Right now i feel like i have no reason to be here.. My friends are all asleep and i really need some support.. I dont know what keeps setting my off. Every time it happens im alone and am just thinking. i have my razor out i plan on it tonight.. not killing myself, but having some relief. i deserve that at least.. I need someone here with me. who i can cry to , who understand me, who wont say that my scars are ugly or that i shouldn’t have done that, some one who truly understands it and would call them beautiful and […]
Been cutting since I was 15 (7 1/2 years). Never thought I would do it, once I started, never thought I would stop. I finally stopped. Went over a year without cutting, then relapsed, then stayed “clean” then relapsed then stayed “clean” then relapse and so on and so on. I will always be an addict to this stupid thing that controls me. I crave the feel of it, the release it gives me. I know I should have control over it, especially by now, but I cant help but want to give into it. I am still and always will be a depressed person, […]
New to this, but have experiences I would like to share and would also like any advice from others.
I have large scars on my leg from top of my thigh to the knee, some very long and wide. On my left arm I have scars on both sides of my arm including my wrist. I have been in this situation for six years. I use to live in small towns where scars were more acceptable so I showed off my arm with ease and didn’t have any issues. I moved to a city a few years ago and have found peoples reactions more of an […]
Day 1
I was born to this unforgiving world, and thinking now i wished that i never existed
8 years of my life that i suffered with my Family without knowing the reason….
I was born in a family of a Father working on another country that I’ve never seen until recently, a Mother who tends to destroy me physically,mentally and spiritually, beating me and locking me up for a small mistake and makes my body bleed for a case like for a single piece […]
I write poems everyday
Poem by Poem
Day by day
To seal my endless pain
Scars are everywhere
All they do is stare
Never once noticing me
Falling apart silently
XxOutCastxX
This can’t be right, this has to be a nightmare, a bad dream, induced by too many pieces of Halloween candy. I have to be seven years old, eight years old, tossing and turning in my bed. This cannot be my life, it shouldn’t be. I’m 14 years old and I’m a self-harmer, a ‘cutter,’ though I’d rather say I cut myself. The scars on my skin are mysteriously starting to fade, not that you’d know it. You’d take a glimpse at my unscarred arms, glance at the armband on my right wrist that never comes off. You might think for a moment that my […]
You know what is just HILARIOUS? Please allow me to share.
What’s hilarious is when you are dating a guy and your guy best friend fucks your boyfriend.
What’s hilarious is when they both lie to you about it and hide it from you.
What is really fucking hilarious is when you find out, and your friend starts crying.
What’s even more hilarious is when you try to leave your boyfriend after it and do nothing but cry and cut the next week.
What is just fucking hysterical is when you have so much self hatred that you believe that no one could ever love you, and your now-ex is […]
Nothing ever changes,
even when you say it will.
You’ve always been a liar.
Filling yourself with falsity.
Hopeful lies,
and a grin so wide,
your skin could tear.
I’ve seen what lies beneath
the sleeves of your favorite sweater.
I have seen your ugliest truth.
The beautiful marks
that stain your skin
as a reminder of a night
you forgot to swallow your pill.
Living in a world of hazed confusion,
trying to block out the truth
with an upped dosage,
and a sharper edge.
Where do you hide?
Pretending this will work,
and stifle the pain.
But I can hear you cry at night.
Keep pretending.
Just a little longer, my dear.
And again the cycle is repeated. The nights are the worst. That’s when the thoughts are prevalent. And what is it that stops me? It’s the idea of my body. No one deserves to find a loved one dead,especially if it’s at his own hand. Children need to live happy lives,not be scarred and tortured with gruesome images. No one deserves this pain. I want my life to be extinguished. The pain doesn’t matter because in the end I will succeed. The nights get colder and colder. My sheets aren’t enough. There is no warmth in my heart,just a void that never seems to end. […]
I am on seaside with my family.Only my mom saw my cuts on legs and arms but she didnt tell father,i told her not to.Because i promised her that i stopped self harm.And i did stop but the will is still here.I ignore it.I have bf ,and fisrt time in life i think love does exist.I love him,he loves me,our love is strong,he keeps me alive,he is giving me reason to live .He kisses scars on my skin,he try really hard to help me.
But today i snapped.I just broke.I run to the sea ,jump in in,and tried to drown myself .Nobody was watching,i could do […]
I m so lost.
I relapsed.
there is now a cut on my hipbone and I cant stop touching it. feeling the upraised skin and the heat. I haven’t felt this felling for almost four and a half months. now its back and I really just need someone to talk to. a few people know I used to cut, but they have no idea about the daily struggle to actually keep going with life.
to not use the pills or the blade and smile.
its so hard.
my failed attempt just keeps haunting me and I want to do it right. Its getting harder and harder to block out the […]
Whats’s there to even say about me anymore? What’s the point in saying it. I am now a 19 year old male who has been in a severe state of depression for 6-7 (if not more) years. I hate reading the cliche sayings by depressed people, who just doesn’t know how to express what they feel, but I find myself using those same exact ones. I’m so overwhelmed just in writing this, that I have no idea where to begin… I guess I’ll tell a little of my story.
Well… I was raised by parents who believe/d in a rather extreme form of evangelical-charismatic christianity. Looking […]
One of the worst nights I’ve had in some time. I cut for the first time in months. I just can’t take it anymore. It feels like I roam the earth each day as a zombie, and I just don’t feel alive anymore. Fuck it. I just don’t want to do it. I would love to be the owner of a small pistol right now, and after seeing how everything has played out, I find it very unlikely that I will allow myself to live for much longer. I know no one cares, but I needed to talk about this, and I have no friends […]
So last Thursday I had cut myself again and I just couldn’t stop myself. My mother is more than even disappointed in me because of my grades and all I’ve really wanted to do is make her proud. I don’t really know how to feel anymore. I get more and more sad and upset with myself each growing day. I also started writing poetry and it helps me share my feelings at least a little bit. Sometimes I honestly want my mom to see my scars so she sees just how much pain I’m in. I just want to be able to live my life […]
You see “people”,
it does not get better. when you cut yourself or kill yourself, it will never get better. Why is it when that when we lose someone we love, we have to go with them. Oh yeah, i know why, it’s because this world is fucked up and people don’t care about what we suffer from. the world hurts everyone emotionally, we just have the scars to prove it… and it just feels so damn good… i want to kill myself a lot more than anybody. i knew this girl from when we were little, we grew up together. we were destined to […]