I was born to this unforgiving world, and thinking now i wished that i never existed
8 years of my life that i suffered with my Family without knowing the reason….
I was born in a family of a Father working on another country that I’ve never seen until recently, a Mother who tends to destroy me physically,mentally and spiritually, beating me and locking me up for a small mistake and makes my body bleed for a case like for a single piece of missing pencil, and a little sister who seems treated differently from me, from material things to emotional support that cause me envy and hate her more than anything in this world, due to the difference in treatment i get from this family…
And the fated day when they discovered my Mother’s affair and forced to leave, as she leave she tried to take me with her and leaving only my sister to my Father side but that didn’t happen and i also end up with my Father’s family….knowing later that she didn’t take me with her because she was given a small amount of money
1 year later
she came back to visit us and and only took me out to a place of her relative or friend i dont know…. and stayed overnight …. and i still remember like its just yesterday, that night my mother was crying and repeatedly saying im sorry…. and the next day returned me and never saw her again to the point i already forgotten her face…but not the scars she gave me both physical and emotional………
11th year of my life
My father came back and started his new life and leaves again like a wind
On the 12th year up to my 16th year of my life i ask my self Why and question my existence….
As i grew up with this family, there is this stares, this feeling this hunch that something is not right something is not fair there is just something that only those who have the same case like me……and i ended questioning everything the treatment between me and my little sister the way they easily beat me like im stray dog that did something wrong… i live i question and i suffer mentally and spiritually and i graduated from high-school as im about to talk what i want for my future like any other kid who wants to take their studies and future further ……… and my fate was sealed
16th to 18th year of my life… where everything starts and also ends…
As i tried to tell my family what i want for my future…before i can even explain it they just blatantly told me forget it its just waste of money and time and forget about your dreams………. that time my world started to end. In the end, i ended up in a place i didnt even want to be in and its like they where only forced to put me there and so that they can tell themselves that they didn’t forsake me. as i tried to live my life and study tried to mold my future, together with college stuff i question everything, why im still treated like this, i question my very existence….and why am i in that shit hole i cant even concentrate on my studies and started to take toll on me and in just few months i just gave up i just cant handle the stress…and stopped ….my father came back home again together with his new family …… and that fated day came where one day we have a family gathering in some restaurant and there the greatest blow ever given to me …… he humiliate me, belittle me, and mock me in front of the family and in front of public and speak like he’s a father who’s there to see me grow up but in reality i only remember seeing him 2-3 times in my 16 years of life to the point im not used him being around and to treat me like this makes it worse…
They told me that they’ll give me a chance and enrolled me again and told me restart my studies but its too late, after that i just snapped . i just blew up and just started to loose hope and stressed up mentally unstable ……….. i remember i was in some kind institute for mentally unstable…basically for crazy people.. ……… and there i try to process everything just happened and then in 18 years of life i found out the truth from my doctor that im just a nobody dont have any ties or blood relation just a burden a stranger nothing a trash unwanted im just a living dead and finally lost all my faith with God…….. now every question is answered ……. and after that my mind was clear and I Just don’t care anymore all the envy, the reasoning the hate the questions everything just disappeared and also the very reason to live… i have no future anymore…its too late for me im just mentally exhausted i tried to die the very day i was released from that institute pretend that im stable enough to walk outside again… i was planning to end it but before that i told my self…… ill take back my 18 years of time first my childhood few of my dreams and now as i crawl in this god forsaken world just few more and i can finally free my self from this world and about my family…….it didnt change nor the tried to understand me or even question whats happening me but its ok its too late anyway and i just dont care anymore…. just few more, im enjoying my life right now as i tried to take back few wasted years…and i nearing my end ill probably enjoy my remaining years and wont live to see my 30th birthday… im 26 years old few years to go and i can finally end it all
I may sound pathetic but im just a Human and on the weak side….after all i was raised like i wasn’t supposed to exist