I’ve already had mine kissed. I wish everyone who has scars know how it feels to have someone who loves you kiss your scars, and promising you with their lips, that they’ll never let you do it again.
Look,
You should be thankful, you got a chance to live. And everyone must know, nobody ever said that life is easy. I know the feeling of pain and not being loved, or teased by the one you love, problems at home or just a feeling you get out of the blue, that really hurts, that you just want to be in a dark room, nodody knowing where you’re at, no food, or social connection, or lights.. just slowly languishing. To be honest, I’ve thought about suicide a lot. And yes, I’ve hurted myself, with just scratches on my hand, I was just so angry, and […]
before , I would always say that I was bored doing something from time to time .looking back from now I realize that I diddnt know a thing about being bored.now in my current life I am always bored…its kind of difficut to explain. I am emotionally numb except for those weird moments where I feel sadness.sometimes I feel so sad that I want to cry but I cant. I cant cry, most of my laughter is false and other emotions just arent there.without my emotions ,I am just a soulless body and that is why my current life is so damn […]
They are all the same. My artistry shot through, my ability disjointed. Let it stop. I can’t create anything worth a damn anymore. I have such hatred for you Faithless. I despise you Faithless. And yet perhaps I cannot hate enough. I am still here. Is it the medication? Is it a peverse bond with my dearests? Am I really not that depressed? What am I perhaps? I know what I was; Smart, artsy, witty, social and earning a decent wage. What am I now poor, sad, pathetic, dense and medicated. I was never alone, I will never pretend at that. I still have such […]
I’m dead. I don’t seem dead, I can breathe and taste food and smell flowers, and I don’t look dead but I AM DEAD. My mind has turned into decay, bit by bit it’s crumbling to dust. A lunatic lives inside here, a scavenger that feeds upon my decaying soul.
I look in the mirror and I don’t see my silhouette anymore, all I see is this thing that’s consuming me and my shadow behind it like a forgotten whisper of who I was once upon a time. I’ve shredded everything that has made me once me, my faith and my imagination are gone and […]
I’ve wanted to die not long after I’d been born. The first time I tried to kill myself was when I was four years old. And for the people who have told me that my brain wasn’t fully developed yet, its impossible, i wasn’t capable of feeling suicidal, bullshit. I remember it. I wanted to die and I was perfectly capable of feeling hopeless. Â The next seven times I tried to kill myself was when I was ten years old and living in hell. I remember I brought a large steak knife up to my room and just held it up to my neck till […]
Closed are my tired eyes
Gracefully the tears fall
As i begin to lose it all
I take a shot of whiskey
As my head begins to race
The cigarette is still burning
The sweet smoke is all I can taste
My body is going numb
No longer can i feel my toes
All i can see our my tears
As they fall onto my breast
There are scratches and dried blood
Pretty purpled bruises decorate my chest
Lipstick smeared and hair full of knots
I shove more pills in my mouth
Chasing it with three more shots
My body is beyond broken my mind completely lost
A lesson […]
Do you see how broken I am now? How lonely.., lost.., and terrified I am? Can you see the pain in my eyes now? The cracks and scratches? Tell me.. Do you understand now? Do you care now? Do you regret your hurtful words now? Do you regret your doubts now? I was scared and I just wanted you to be there I just wanted you to care and understand and you doubted me.. Humiliated me.. Mocked me.. the scars are here and they cant be erased. So thanks. For making this bigger than it really was.. And thanks for putting me through all this.. […]
I couldn’t do it. I got home from sneaking out, couldn’t get back in, had to call my parents then got yelled at. Heaps of guilt! YAY! They’re at wits end with me, said they wished I’d just get it over with. Well you know what? I wish that too. I don’t know why it hurts so goddamn much, and I have no reason for this pain. My life is perfect, and with these pills I can’t feel anything. I fucking hate it. I can’t cry, I’m empty, broken, alone within myself. I hate me, the girl who looks like an attention whore but only […]
Dear Shekiera,
I words can’t possibly express how much I miss you, everyday I think about you, sometimes with a smile on my face and other times with tears. I remember the first time I met you, you were grade one and I was in grade two. we were both shy, socially awkward and got along great because we didn’t have to say alot to have a good time. back in grade two I can’t remember exactly what we would talk about, but I remember that we used to walk around and talk about “what if’s” and “when I’m older I’m going to’s”. You see, Shekiera, […]
I was told by so many different people that I should kill myself. I’ve been told it since I was little. My dad, kids at school, my friend’s mom, people online I tried to open up to. I’ve been told indirectly that because I’m gay I should kill myself and burn in hell. I’ve been told that everyone hates me. People accuse me of lying for attention when I reveal that I was raped when I was six. I’m an idiot. I always say and do things to make people annoyed with me and hate me. I know they’d all be happier if they didn’t […]
before you fall in the trap of self harm
You may think you can keep it under control
but u could not be more wrong
it starts to take over ur whole world
it will be all u can think about
you will crave it during the day
you will have a constant pain shooting to your wounds which you have to try and hide
you will lose your ability to open up to people
you will struggle to comfort your friend when they are crying because the only solution you will know will be self harm
the idea of going to the beach […]
Welcome, step inside my mind!
If you aren’t worried now, its a matter of time,
Till you break through the seal, and feel what i feel,
even then for you it will never be real.
My mental health? How bad could it be?
Well its hanging by threads! Im crazy you see?
Depression has me thinking of things that are vile,
I cut and i bruise and it makes me smile,
The pain I enjoy it, frightening enough,
And when I try to put the ones that I love,
first instead of myself,
It really makes me think…
Don’t do this they love you, try for them,
But my mind just continues to sink..
I needed help before this […]
I thought I’d never have to come back here. I thought I was doing fine. I used to severely scratch my skin (around my shoulders and chest so no one could see) to take some extremely negative thoughts out on myself. I had stopped for about 4 days now. Then… today happened.
_________________________
Here’s a little back-story;
About 3 years ago, my ex cheated on her boyfriend of 2 years with her friend, they obviously broke up. Then me and her dated for about 2 weeks last year, but she left me to get back together with her ex, but he didn’t want her. She then […]
Does anybody else have nightmares that make them afraid to sleep? Like when you should be able to get away from lifeyour dreams make it impossible? I wake up with scratches on my arms they are so bad… How do I get them to go away? Its hard enough trying to stay alive when im awake I dont need nightmares of me killing myself to add on top of everything….
damn its getting so bad. Does anybody feel like theyr so pissed at themselves, at the way they are, that you just want to hurt yourself? Lately its like I find any excuse to bleed or bruise. punching things cutting ‘accidentally’… I can’t even escape in my slee, I have nightmares I try and kill myself but I won’t die. And I wake up with scratches on my arms from my sleep…. And sadly the most important person never even notices… I feel like I can’t even talk to her because she’ll be pissed….. Were best friends, inseperable and yet she doesn’t ask what’s wrong… […]
A storyÂ
These scars tell a story
A story of me
My life, my feelings, my history
Each scar has it’s own meaning
This one on my wrist was from the day you kissed me goodbye and left me to die
These down my arm are from the months of self harm ending with an attemptÂ
These circles on my arm are lighter burns from the zippo I carved with your name on it
These scratches here and there are from the times someone else was there with me but yet I felt aloneÂ
This one on my chest is from where I was stabbed, this ring around my wrist […]
ive taken to cutting myself so thats good. ive been doing it for almost 4 weeks exactly, my once spotless arm is quite impressively scarred now. no ones said anything though i mean seriously one of your best friends comes into school with giant scratches up and down her arm and you dont say anything? what is wrong with these people. and in my uniform my arms are never covered and i see all the random people in my class looking at my cuts and just being like ‘are those really..? but shes such a happy innocent person’. only one person out of at least […]
Today I woke up feeling great. I have been getting accupuncture and it finally started working. I was date raped 6 months ago and contraced genital warts as a result. It finally cleared up. Felt so good, went dancing with friends. I was completely sober, just dancing and having fun. This guy tries to dance wih us and we move away. All night he keeps bugging us, we ignore him the tell him to leave us alone. He goes and gets his friends. They surround us and contined to harass us. The guy gets in my face. I tell him to leave us alone. […]
There are words, tons of words that don’t make sense
There are voices, notes and music in silence
There are memories, lost and cherished, forgotten and found
There are sounds, so many sounds
There are colors, shades and tones in darkness
There is hunger, biting and knawing, completely obsessed
There are scratches and beautiful art between the lines
There are scars in my mind
There are songs on an ordinary day
There is darkness, bitter jealousy bleeding in gray
There are tangled knots in the blue skies
There are scattered pieces in my mind
In my mind
Flowers bloom and never fade or die
In my mind
It […]
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