Well today’s the day. Sunday. The plan was to end my life tonight. Leaving a couple different notes addressed to different people. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time. Planning since the beginning of the school year, which started August 27, the day before my birthday. The plan was to wait until after my parents went to sleep, then go do it. My method is not the most preferred method out there, in fact many people hate it and think it’s like THE WORST one. But I have my reasons and I have tried twice before, failing obviously. Waking up in a hospital room surrounded […]
i wanna leave this “world” aka my hell
i dont like walking round school and hearing people talk about me and laughing or writing shit about me on facebook or girls toilets,i dont want for everyone to look at me like im no good for anyone.
i couldnt help what happen to me,people say to me why didnt u scream help or rape,unless u wanted it to happen but i cant say what i want to say,i want to tell them why i didnt scream,cos when your so scared you try to scream but the words wont come out,inside your screaming so […]
I went to the doctors. They said I most likely have a stomach ulcer from too much smoking and alcohol and pills.
That’s never good. If It bursts well.. I’ll have to get an operation and I could die.
[…]
I’m sitting here at my computer trying to figure out what I’m feeling. I’ve gotten so used to the pain, that i’m numb to it now. I really want to scream to the top of my lungs, but then people might hear me. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is the beginning of a novel i am writing…let me know what you think
In the whispering scilence there was not a sound to be heard. And then the screaming began. Now before i get ahead of myself allow me to tell you something. I was neither the victim nor the criminal. I was a witness. A witness to something i was pursued for. I don’t have much time left, so i will tell you as much as possible. It began with a scream. I was sitting in the playground under the tree when i looked up to identify the source of the scream. A […]
I am Just a Person Like you all.. I also live a Unwanted life.. I am living but nobody can see that By each Passing day I am dieing.. I am killing myself inside.. My soul is no more.. I am Spiritually dead.. But I physically Smile Only for the ones who love Me.. And I don’t know why!
I know how it feels to cry alone in the blanket.. just crying and crying!! I don’t know what my future gonna be! My Parents constantly giving me Tensions and Tensions.. I am Killing myself inside in these Stress tensions..
Sometimes I feel “Relations are everything and the […]
Do you hear when I scream, when I cry out from pain? Do you see me bleed? See me shatter? Do you get so close to saying something and then change your mind? Do you type something and the delete it immediately? Do you feel like glass?
Well cool, we have something in common.
You’ll all cry for me one day. But you won’t really cry for me. You’ll cry out of your own sorrow. You’ll be so sad that your little psychologist left you. “What will I do now?” you think. Not “I can’t believe she is gone. It’s terrible that we made her feel so bad that […]
Just when my life takes a turn for the better, it takes another for the worse. I’m still dealing with the same shit, but now the people I put in prison for raping / helping rape me got released (biggest load of bullshit out -.-) and now I think my boyfriend wants to split just because I want to go to University in a different state to make sure I get the best education and experience. He always brings up leaving all the bullshit here and just leaving somewhere with me, so I offered him to come or to have a long distance relationship and […]
This time I died. Not when I was supposed to. I’m sorry to the man who is now Gone and I still walk. If there is a heaven then u have found it, and you may be looking upon me screaming. Yelling till ur lungs bleed and your breath won’t replenish in your lungs. I hate u is what you will prob say. Or I want to rip open your mind with a spoon and scream into it. WAKE UP U DUMB F$&@!! Just please wake up… But he never woke up. And never will I. Im so sorry Eric. I never meant for any […]
I’m currently at work, my back is killing me, Still, I manage to keep a normal expression on my face, but I’m in pain, my back has been hurting me for the past 3 days and it’s just getting worse, I’ve put icy hot to calm my muscles but still, the pain is there. Last week my hair began to fall out so much, not just what you would expect, like if I run my fingers through, I’d pull out about 20 each time or more, it’s scary, I’m so afraid of brushing it now. Is it because I’m stressed out? Last night my ex […]
i am, its true. you are ALWAYS here for me, when im to fucked, to even think. promise after promise i make to u saying i will not attempt suicide, i will quit cutting, and in a week i will stop taking pills for the hell of it. honestly, im sorry, idk why i make promises i cant keep. i try but my mind out rules me. everytime. im terrified, i dont deserve a friend as AMAZING as u, im scared u will finally understand that, and leave. im still ALWAYS and FOREVER will be here for u. u can tell me ANYTHING. but again […]
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you […]
People say am over emotional, they say am easy read that am sensitive, of lately thats all i hear from people about me and i guess after years of hiding my sensitivity to obstacles in life ,am getting rusty ever since i opened my self to my bf.
This is not me am a fighter, i refuse to be run by my emotion, right now i have reached my max an am ready to yell an scream at ppl, am feed up have hidin hw i feel to be respectful etc i am fucking going to be me. So fuck pretenders, fuck close minded […]
Poem I wrote (but I do have anorexia)
It makes us lie. People die.
Anorexia is it’s name.
No food today.
I wonder what I weigh.
Fat is all I can see….
Why can’t my family leave me be.
I’m disgusting, revolting…
I carved the word ‘fat’ into my skin.
I’m screaming but no one is listening.
‘Save me’ I scream…
Please let this just be a bad dream…
Anorexia has consumed me, PLEASE
just realize this isn’t me and see.
There’s no way to even really describe this. My god, all I wanted was to convey the terrifying EXPLOSIVE power of what happens within me, but I’ve no idea how.
I get angry. Or rather, perhaps I’m always angry, it just get buried nice and deep until I’m numb numb numb numb numb numb
And then everything starts combusting within me. And all I want is to SCREAAAAAAAAM. But I never do. I never do. It’s always just an internal internal scream of despair or anger or sadness or loneliness or DISGUST. Oh yes, a word I know well. Absolute, vile, putrid, festering, poisonous DISGUST. At people, […]
WHO CARES I DON’T UNDERSTAND!
Why do I come to this God damn website searching for a little hope? Why do I do this to myself? Why can’t I just be happy what is the fucking point? Why can’t I just move on with my life. I care. I care so much. But do they care? Do my friends and family really care? Does my boyfriend really care? Or is this some fucking pity thing? HA. My boyfriend. What a wonderful guy. He’s so up fucking beat, and I am so off beat. What is wrong with me? It seems almost as if I can […]
My Immortal lyrics:
I’m so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
‘Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won’t leave me alone
These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I’m bound […]
i feel empty. exhausted. so deeply sad.. & mad that nobody i know has the time to care.. despite having felt similar before & me having been there for them.
it is very fucked up.
i still miss the love of my life after 6 years.
but if i did die tomorrow.. i would feel that i had loved & been loved.
now i have ocd/anxiety/depression/phobias/ & what feels like a million more things wrong & a situation that has completely trapped me. i want to scream. i often do.
every time things get a little better.. somehow something else goes wrong & i am […]
I’m Angry today I just want to scream but I’m bottling everything inside like I always do. It’s my mom I can only hope she never feels the way she makes me feel so invalid, and useless, fat, ugly, and horrible just rotten and hopeless and a failure. I keep thinking about trying to kill myself again Bur doing it right this time like jumping off a bridge or hanging myself. I get angrier with myself everyday I look in the mirror and I just want to tear it down and never see my reflection again. I hate myself right now […]
I may be metal and have no heart
But in your life I have become a part
As I carve and carve at your tender wrist
I feel in your brain there must be a twist
Is it normal to turn to me for help?
When if I scar another they scream and yelp
Your feeling empty and rather alone
But I’m not left sitting alone in your home
In your bathroom cabinet I’m normally sealed
Although next to your heart your dreams become real
You use me to express your raw self hate
But should I be used in this way to create
The […]