He broke me down and got into my core, the capital of my heart. He happily resided in the blood of my soul, or so I thought. Unknowingly he was living in someone elses heart much more happily resided in theirs rather than mine. Caressed my mind with sweet nothings and empty words that should’ve been full of emotion. Worked into my brain and blindsided me from the signs. From the facts. I thought maybe somebody could be content and liberated with just me and no one else. Told me his fears and goals. Broke into tears full of heartbreak and confusion .. all for […]
Tag:
Signs
If I have my flexril, ultram and Ativan counted out, does that mean I’m ready? I can’t stop thinking bout taking them. I can stop thinking bout makin the pain go away. Does that mean I’m ready?
I’ve stopped caring bout gettin up and showering, I’ve stopped wanting or needed other human contact, are these signs that its time? My phone is off more than its on, even if its on I no longer answer it. Can’t remember the last time I actually spoke to a person.
AM I READY?
I think I am, I can’t think of a good reason to stay.
If something is wrong, just write it down somewhere.
Maybe someone will find it. Maybe someone will become curious with whatever is in your computer, whatever is written in your notebook, or whatever is shown in your eyes.
Maybe they’ll see it. There’s still a possibility.
But for me?
Ah, they won’t. No matter how quiet I’ve gotten. Despite the number of books I’ve read about depression and their stories. Regardless of how many I give them, no one has found the signs.
But how could someone possibly find what they’re not looking for?
I hate how inevitable it feels. Like, I can pretend all that I want to be happy or that I have purpose or whatever, but it doesn’t change my fate. Like I’m destined for suicide. It’s what I always come back to, and it’s getting harder and harder to say no to it anymore. I don’t want to say no. I just want to be done with all this pain, and this world only dishes out pain. It isn’t going to end in this lifetime, so it’s like my only shot is in the next. But shit, I’m a Christian, and suicide is a sin. Will […]
I’m desperate.
For excuses.
For reasons.
For encouragement.
Every night I have to convince myself not to do something drastic.
I have to look at myself in the mirror, and I have to lecture myself for so long just to tell myself not to cut, not to think terrible thoughts, not to attempt suicide, not to cry, not to do anything that harms myself.
I think I’m losing myself.
I’m not feeling as how I used to.
I can’t stay happy. I fake a smile when I’m in school.
But I don’t talk. People talk to me, and I nod as a sign that I’m listening. I’m done with talking.
I don’t know if I’m […]
It’s an oxymoron; I know. Because by definition a suicide note is representative of something horrible, and the word perfect means lacking in flaws or defects: so you really cannot have a perfect suicide, can you? I don’t know if it’s possible or not. But I want to come as close as I can. My name is Rachel. I am seventeen years old. Some might say I have my whole life ahead of me, but one day really soon, I am going to commit suicide. What follows is a draft of my suicide note. Read it. Comment. Help me make it perfect.
If you are reading this, […]
So today, I feel as though the world is telling me to do it, just go for it. At work today a overly perky co-worker gave me a toosie roll telling me it would make me smile, that no one can not smile while eating a toosie roll. I was running down the second flight of stairs for the third time today and thought hell eat the toosie roll. So I did, I broke a tooth on it, I broke a tooth eating a toosie roll!
My neighbors are such ass’s. all week my toilet has been bumbling, thumbling, and acting as though it is […]
Being completely alone…it sucks. All of my friends have pretty much stopped talking to me, and they never want to spend time with me. In that time, i tried to get closer to my family…but they would rather watch tv than talk to me. I turn 18 next month, and i’m pushing myself to go on, see if anything gets better after i move out and start college. But i doubt things will change. I keep asking myself “What’s wrong with me?”. I’m pushing myself to keep going because i don’t want to be just another teen suicide story. There’s been too many of those. […]
I try to hide my insecurities, my hopelessness. I don’t know how to release them all. I hide my depression. I mean, I guess there are signs. But I’m pretty sure I’ve hid all signs of ever thinking about suicide. I cut, it will definitely show. So it would be very small. I’d hurt myself. But I bruise easily. There’s only so much you can attribute to clumsiness. I can hide little bruises, little things, but never anything big.
I like to project myself as a sunny person, so no one must know how screwed I am. My disposition is “sunny”. I don’t talk much, just […]
You told me you were a cutter too. You told me you’ve felt the darkness. You told me a lot of things.
But you lied. I saw your body yesterday. There were no gags in your flesh, no signs that you’ve been there and back. And I stood before you and exposed myself, every gaping wound that streaked my arms and legs. I bet you aren’t really depressed. You’re the definition of attention whore.
I thought I found someone who knew who I was. But now you’re an entirely different person. And now you’re dead to me.
Just like I am.
But jokes on you. […]
I don’t know what to do anymore i just want to end it I’m thinking whats the point anymore…..that’s the real question Whats the Point? you know it will be so easy putting a gun to my head but the hard part would be pulling the trigger and thinking what would everyone do when I’m gone would anyone notice my best friend died yesterday he was 16 and you know what the scary part about is death was that he killed him self i miss him so much you have no clue how much i want to be with him i was in love with […]
“You are never a loser until you quit trying.”
“Keep trying, even when you want to give up for miracles are real”
“Never the let the sadness of your past and the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present”
“Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines.”
“One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else.”
“Nobody can take away your pain, so don’t let anyone take away your happiness.”
“Stop trying to escape your reality, change it. Your past doesn’t define your future.”
“The strongest people are not those who show strength in front of us […]
I felt suicidal as a teenager, 20 years ago, and never thought it would happen again. I’m a trained mental health worker, I know the signs, I know who I am supposed to call, what I’m supposed to do, but I don’t see the point. Up until May this year I thought suicide was a sad act, and now, I think it is a viable option. Infact, I’ve come up with my own therapy, I have a plan. On the 26th of September 2014 I am allowed to take my own life. Four months before this date, decision making goes in to lock down- as in- […]
I found my neighbor hanging dead in his house last week, and my journey for answers brought me to this site and I feel the need to share.
Myself and other neighbors had expressed some concern that we had not seen our neighbor for several weeks. Those weeks turned to months. We didn’t know what to do, and just hoped he was away. We didn’t really know what to do, there were no signs of foul play on the outside of his home, so the police would do nothing.
A few weeks into the concerns, I told my neighbors I would check to see if his second […]
I’m not here to judge or talk you out of cutting, overdosing, or other means of escaping. Primarily because i myself have been through it all and still am. My life has been a constant shove here and there for me to pick up the blades i keep in my makeup bag. Scars dont bother me, the pain can be grown accustomed to. I have heard just about every cliche from people who swear they want to help. I am not a reject and have always done well in school and outside. I have friends and am not a total failure as a girl. But […]
I am writing this not so much so people can comment, but because I know writing it down makes it a little easier and I find it alot easier to show/talk about this to strangers rather than feeling like I’m a nuisance to my friends. Also, I’m just going to stick to the main events, seeing as the others aren’t that important.
Last year I had a suicidal friend. He was like a brother to me and after the first time he told me he felt suicidal, I could tell the signs for the future. When I could see the signs or if he told me […]
About 3 year ago I fell in love with a girl that I had known for a few years. We started to talk through texting, instant messaging etc, but we would never talk in person, ever, I mean I felt just guilty looking at her. We became “best friends” (sounds almost laughable now, considering we never said one word to eachother), but I always got so angry whenever we talked after a few months of this, and we argued pretty much every day (still through texting), which caused me to harm myself – most notably I have several long scars across my torso, a burn […]
People say if you kill yourself you will miss out on alot. Me all I have ever done is missed out on things. I missed out at socializing in a party cause I was to god damn scared, I missed out having a girlfriend all because I can’t read the signs, and I am missing out on seeing the life’s of 4/6 of my nieces and nephews whom I love dearly. All I am is just a zombie. Trying to make ends meat in this cruel world while struggling to know my difference with society and just waiting for someone or something to end it. I am […]
The Minute I wake up I cry because I am so sick and tired of my life and how it has been lived. I wonder what I have done wrong in my life. You know I know that i am not perfect I never have claimed to me and I know for sure I will never claim the perfection of someone…. I am not flawless like others. When i look in the mirror I stare and cry some more because I am not that pretty skinny girl every one would love to be with..
I am not perfection because I have been through so much bullshit […]
Im tired n going to fix that someday, if you know what pain is i can promise you that the pain i have is on a level so high that no painkillers helps, o nice…
I just dont want to wake up tomorrow, i just dont want to do that.
In my eyes life isnt worth living in anymore, there havent been a painfree day in my head since 1983 after a car crash, i died in that crash but somehow they got me back, my biggest misstake in life. Took over a year to learn to walk again after this accident.
Got a job […]
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