I’ve decided to start cocaine.
-on a point that im afraid of my own mind
So I am going to start this out from the other day Friday i think, so my mom and i were in lowes getting stuff that she wanted i guess. So were walking and she points to in front of her and goes “i bet you are in heaven”.. I am pretty sure you know what is in lowes.. So i look what shes pointing at and its blades and box cutters.. I laughed to make it not look like i didn’t have tears coming out of my eyes.. That was so messed up. Then this morning she looks at me when im cleaning my […]
I feel so desperate having no where else to vent to but lately I’ve been so alone. My friend and I had a shopping trip and I jokingly say we should have a sisterhood for a sweater and she says “I might be able to fit into your clothes but our other friend definitely  won’t ” and she may not realize it but that was her calling me fat. I hate when she always hints indirectly that I am the fat friend. And I’ve been on my way loosing weight. I’ve lost 15 so far and plan on another 30 but I just don’t think […]
I am someone you may not understand,
I am someone you may or may not know.
I am someone who cares too much.
I am someone who thinks too much.
Talks too much.
Talks too little.
Thinks too loud.
I am beautiful.
I am ugly.
IÂ am fat.
I am skinny.
What do you want me to say?
I don’t know what I am
Who I am.
But I am someone.
Sometimes I just sit in class and wish so many things. I hate going to school. I wish there was no such thing. I wish I was born when school seemed so much easier. I wish I had a tree that grew money. I wish my hair would stop falling and thinning. I wish I was skinny. I wish I was pretty. I wish I wasn’t dumb. I wish I had nothing to regret. I wish I had all my pets. I wish all the worthless and horrible people would die. I wish I had a walk-in closet filled with clothes. I wish I had […]
I am not skinny. I am not fat. I am not pretty. I am not ugly. I am not mean. I am not nice. I am not popular. I am not unpopular. I am not weird. I am not normal. I am not social. I not quiet. I am not liked. I am not disliked. I am not happy. I am not angry. I only identify as one thing; sad. That’s it. Why? I am tired. I am sick (recently diagnosed with heart problems). I have no real friends left. I have no caring family. Why? I never did anything, to anyone. I used to […]
Why does this shit always happen to me. I try to be happy everyday but i guess im just really good at making a facade to every day of my pathetic little life. Who am i? my apparent friends always back stab me in the end i only have one friend who is my brother (not real brother) ive known him since we were 4 and i trust him with my life but others i meet sure ill be nice to them and shit like that but i try not to trust them or else id be breaking rule 1. Trust no one Suspect everyone […]
I am ugly. I am fat. I am everything you say I am.
I am a btch. I am a slut. I am nothing compared to you.
I am stupid. I am horrible. I am worthless and a fat cow.
I am a horrible person. I hate myself and want to die.
All because you told me I was these things.
All because you bullied me. I can barely speak.
I have lost everyone. I believe it’s because
I am small.
No one would want a stupid btch like me.
No one would care if I died.
No one would mourn if I died.
No one would see me if I cried.
Everyone caused me to not […]
Tommorow i have a christmas party, at school.
Its suppose to be 75 degrees outside
While everyone else is wearing short sleeved shirts and capris.
Ill be wearking my skinney jeans and long sleeves.
With such fresh cuts as deep as mine
I’ll keep them to my self
Because their mine
Here goes another day living in the life of me…
14 supposedly a beauty queen
Finally in her teens
Always out there causing a scene
Skipping meals to finally become lean
Wishing she could be truly seen
Here it goes in the life of me..
I don’t wanna wake up in the morning and look in the mirror to find another revolting reflection.
I dont want to have to change seveen times because i look unattractive in over half of my cloths.
I dont wanna be afraid to wear a bikini anymore.
I dont wanna worry about if i rain out of make up because if i didnt wear it i’d look disgusting.
I dont wanna constantly feel the need to look in the mirror not out of vain, but to make sure i look decent […]
I am ugly because my nose is to big, my face is round, so no matter how skinny I get, ill always look fat.
I am fat because I have a big build, I can’t change that so ill always be fat.
I am weird because I’m not like the other girls at school, I can’t hold a conversation and I don’t understand the jokes.
I am insane because I didn’t speak for weeks after he left, I sat in silence on the same wall when the few that cared tried to taunt words out of me.
I am fucked up because I cut myself, because I can’t go […]
Do you ever just want to fade away? Have no one think of you or what you’ve done, and not deal with the shit you’ve made. I do not know where this all began I’m really only a 14 year old girl. Do you ever feel like you are being watched all the time? Like they are watching you and laughing at you and being hurt by you, and judging you all the time? Well I do. It’s this constant feeling of judgement, I feel. And the pressure is literally beginning to kill me. I just can’t handle it anymore. I feel like everything I […]
Well, I guess my story starts from the day that I was born. My mother, so I’ve been told, started drinking around the age of twelve. She was from an extremely abusive household and I figure she needed something to get her mind off of it. I don’t hold it against her. Anyway, she had about seven kids with a different man every time all over the United States and dropped us with the fathers. She committed suicide when I was about ten, not that it mattered. I never met the women and I don’t really care to.
My father also had a very, very, […]
I know how some people wanna be skinny and thin but I don’t. I’m 15 years old and don’t have an eating disorder i’m just VERY skinny. I hate it I get made fun of a lot and get called chicken legs or twig. People make fun of me and say i’m anorexic. When I go to get clothes I can find anything that fits me. Also lately Ive been lonely my friends ignore me and don’t talk to me for reasons I don’t know. Ive been thinking about cutting and suicide lately. I always think about if I did die no one would miss me or notice. I just want to be loved and be comfortable on how I look.
I spend every second of every single day trying to make sure that I am “skinny”. I don’t even want to be like.. anorexic. I just want to have a little skin on my belly. I used to be that, but due to high amounts of stress POOF! There goes my cute little body. I hate looking into the mirror. I wish I could erase what I see. I eat only smart ones, healthy choice, special K, or salad. Literally, this is it. I work out three to four times a week from thirty minutes to an hour. I swear I do not cheat on […]
I know i dont have a awful life infact my life is pretty good lots of people would probaly trade but to me it is nothing. I feel nothing, empty , useless,forgotten. I feel all these things but yet i know if i would just open my door and go out of my room and tell someone how i fell i could probaly get someone to care. I wont tell though i know they wont understand. My mom got remarried and in this new family i have their is always compatition and judgement. i feel bad about myself all the time i just hate […]
All I ever feel is ugly, and fat. I never was skinny. I hate it. I’ll never get a boyfriend. I hate everything about me, I just want to die. I’ve attempted it 6 times. No one cares. I want to try again and again until I finally get it.
I am 12, almost 13. I wish i could have a normal, happy life. I just got out of an eating disorder treatment center, like 2 weeks ago. I still have to go back there for family therapy and doctors appointments and today, after i did my vitals(peeing in a cup and being weighed) they found something in my urine that was the first sign of starvation. And they said my weight has been dropping. I hate my life. I hate the way i look, i am so fat and ugly. I want to be skinny. I want to go to school online. I want […]
I hate myself so fucking much.
It’s quite hard.. to explain how much I hate the way I am.
And I hate my gorgeous, skinny, perfect friends too for saying that they are ugly.
Shut the fuck up.
I would honestly kill to look like them.
I am never happy with myself.
I can’t do anything right.
I’m ugly.
Fat.
Stupid.
Worthless.
Disgusting.
I just hate it.
Why was I given this body.
Why?