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Why?

by hazelleyes
written by hazelleyes

I can’t believe this is where I end up.
This shouldn’t be how I live – or better yet, how I don’t live.

Wasted opportunities, fake smiles, I’m getting too good at pretending.
I’m sick of this all. I’m so fucking sick of this all.
No one even cares.
I just want to curl up and die. Why can’t I?
Everything is just so dark and wrong. Why can’t I just die?

And my sleeping pills don’t even work anymore, last week I’d sleep 16hours a day, now I’m sleeping about 4hours. I’m exhausted. I’m exhausted from having to pretend that I’m alive.

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I have nobody, I have nothing left to go on

by alinsanity
written by alinsanity

I’m so tired of crying myself to sleep every night. I wake up in the morning crying. When I actually make it into work I fight back the tears until I can no longer take it, at which point I go cry in the bathroom. I’m in college and when I’m at school I managed to keep it together as far as not crying but I don’t hear anything the teacher’s saying. My mind is a clouded mess. I can’t focus on anything school related. All I can focus on is holding the tears back or all the thoughts that are constantly bombarding my mind. […]

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4 am…..

by matb
written by matb

It’s 4 am can’t sleep , haunted by my past unable to let it go . Keep thinking that there is only one way to make everything go away . Deep down inside I tell myself to just survive the night , it will get better tomorrow . But the thoughts keep flooding my mind , the old friends that I pushed out my life , the family members that I never talk to . Telling myself that if I let no one love me , or get close to me then it wouldn’t be like I’m hurting anyone but myself .
But […]

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The problem

by lostchild445
written by lostchild445

 

The problem. I am the problem
Everything wrong comes from me
Nobody cares what I see as truth
None of it matters any who
I’m just another face in the crowd
Nothing special, not renowned
Never to become anything of worth
Cursed to walk the earth in misery for eternity
So easy are the old ways
To slip back to pains and drains
So familiar to my hand that it just might slip through a vein or three
The record in my head plays over and over again about how everything’s wrong
Everything’s gone
And how the world would move along without me here
I can’t focus I can’t sleep
I can’t dream I can’t eat
I can’t stand to live […]

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Wake Up

by AscahIsBroken
written by AscahIsBroken

Maybe she saw the truth, but she chose to ignore it
Better to be happy than have to face the problem
And she doesn’t know who she is
Maybe she kept the pain hidden in her scars, still hides it
Better to smile than to have them ask what’s wrong
And no one knows who she is

She will scream • and break all that you stand for
With her voice • all that stood will fall before
What is real • and it’s uncomfortable
But it’s real • and unpredictable
So let her wake • you • up and •When you sleep
You’ll see […]

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Sleep and Rest

by 123flywithme
written by 123flywithme

raindrops dripping one by one
until they’re strong enough to take me over
falling back, taking it slow, sleeping by the windowsill
never works, never helps
they’re wrong
they’re all wrong
they sit and talk as if i care
the bounds of reality slowly take me in
until i can bare it no longer
but then the little raindrops fall into place
one. by. one. by. one.
i am finally at rest

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A little bit of me

by pepperpep4
written by pepperpep4

Pain overriding any rational thoughts
only feeling what I want most not too
Churning in my stomach, and burning in my chest
How did this happen, I ask
Only to be reminded that there is no explanation
No concrete answer to the question I’m seeking
I just have to accept what is.
Accepting a reality of isolation, loneliness and solitude
Feeling imprisoned by my own being
Trapped in a world I can’t escape
Following me wherever I go.
My mind plagues my every thought
The inner bully condemning every part of me
Ruthless, harsh and callous
Never stopping with its relentless bashing.
Only sleep gives […]

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My Story

by nickoli2095
written by nickoli2095

So I guess since I just registered I should write my story? I don’t know.

So currently I’m 17. My name’s Nick. I live in New York. I’m a senior in high school and a non-matriculated college student at the local community college.

So previous to high school, I was kind of a loner. I was (and still am) the fat kid and I was a loner. My only real friend was my friend Trevor since 3rd Grade. So yeah people made fun of me a lot and no one really stopped until one day this kid, Chris, was really just picking on me. I was having […]

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What now?

by cutitout
written by cutitout

I don’t know what’s going on in my life.  I feel so emotionally dead.  Occassionally I feel small flickers of happiness, but it feels weird and stale…it doesn’t seem real.  The only feelings I experience are sadness, disappointment, and anger.  But most of the time I’m just existing, dull and monotonous.  And what’s messed up is that I know that there’s really nothing going on that should make me feel this way.  My parents are still together, I make good grades, I have plenty of friends, I have plenty of talents.  It just feels like nothing matters.  It’s all going to go away anyways.  I’m […]

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The 13th Girl

by strangemusic
written by strangemusic

Tomorrow’s my first day at the new college. I don’t know if I should be happy about that or should I grieve, I’m at a loss.  It seems like the best option for me is not to care, like at all. I’m trying to, very hard. I’ll meet my new group mates, and they will meet me. For them I will be nothing but a new girl, or the 13th girl. They know nothing about me. And I have decided not to tell them anything about who I am, nothing about my disturbing past. Only the obvious details they won’t fail to notice. The facts […]

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Tonight’s The Night – My Story

by Onmywayout777
written by Onmywayout777

Hey everybody, I’ve been here off and on for a month or two. First off, I’ve met a lot of really good people on here. I think most of us SP users are really soft hearted and it’s easy to click with other people here. I don’t know why I’m writing this because I’ve made up my mind and I’m not looking for support or crying out for help. Hopefully someone out there that also feels like shit will read it and maybe get something out of it.

I’ve lost 3 people this year and my cat that I had for 7 years (I count that […]

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i hate life

by table
written by table

I am such a loser. I have no friends, I haven’t talked to someone that was not in my family for almost a year. I am home schooled online so I never have to leave the house. I am 2 years behind in school. I don’t ever do any schoolwork. It feels like I am dead, I do nothing all day. I don’t feel like doing anything at all except sleep, or read. My mom wants me to call the teachers or do work, but everything seems pointless. I am a stupid mass of cells, there is nothing good about me at all. A piece […]

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A “Will” I am considering

by FedUPChica
written by FedUPChica

My proposed Note or “will”

(If you don’t give a fuck [as I suspect you don’t] and just want to get to the will skip the paragraphs and go to the bolded text.)

I killed myself because I can’t make heads or tails of life. My luck is almost always bad, and I am tired of hardship. Like many who have been in this place I have contemplated, and while the one’s full of vigor and self-righteousness say to live is the hardest, that isn’t true. It’s taken me a lot of research and commitment to die. Staying alive was not because I chose to do the […]

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My Horrible Life…

by GummybearRulez
written by GummybearRulez

(**imagine any name**) And I am 11. I am female, and attend Middle School.
I remember,in 2007, when I was 6, I had just gotten home from school. I was happy, and I thought nothing would get in my way. That all changed the next day, Saturday. I had learned about death when my Uncle died. He died in 2004. Strangley, I remember everything. At he funeral, everyone was eating, and drinking lemonade, after honoring him. I was crushed. My older brothers best friend? My best friend? I would never see him again. I cried every night. He sed to help me sleep too. He […]

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Seconds away from death.

by Different
written by Different

Today I was seconds away from ending my life. What changed my mind I still do not know.

 

After 10 years of SEVERE deppresion I am tired, I am tired of it all. I am exhausted.

I tried fighting back for year after year. Medications and therapy(many different therapists) for 10 years and I have not moved a single step forward. Not one step..

2 years ago I gave up. After 8 years of trying I was tired of fighting and in the end i realised I am never going to feel joy again.  I gave up hope.

I have always had suicidal thoughts for as long as I […]

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tears

by ms. little panda
written by ms. little panda

I feel like i have no tears left i have already cried them them all out of me nothing is left.

i have no emotions left but i can laugh and i can be sad but i feel like not even me can fake a smile anymore. U know that feeling when i have a fake smile and it’s starts to hurt cuz its fake but u don’t wanna look sad

every time i go to bed i think in my head ” i hope i don’t wake up again” i just wanna sleep through my life and keep sleeping no matter what

i hate the pain that […]

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Within the bounds of horror

by strangemusic
written by strangemusic

A week of coincidences. Those unhappy bitches just never let up. Every time I take a step aside, there they emerge, out of nowhere. Every time I do particular things, either intentionally or unintentionally, no matter what the outcome is. Much like someone trying to tell me:  Stick to the same route, or you know you’ll regret it. It STILL has me wondering, who is behind the wheel of my life? I only know it ain’t me.

I’ve been sleeping badly this past week. I don’t even know if I’ve been sleeping at all. It could be that drinking 10 cups of coffee in a day until […]

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Yesterday

by hazelleyes
written by hazelleyes

Yesterday

I couldn’t sleep. I was tired, I was exhausted. But I couldn’t. It had been three hours since I had been trying to fall asleep.

It started to hurt, so badly.
The pain was growing and growing.
I kept scratching the skin in my chest, hoping to get the skin away, to rip my heart off. 
At least that way it would stop hurting.
Then I went for a cigarette, trying to relax while listening to some music.
But when I came back to my room, my mind was set in what it wanted to do.
So I grabbed the blade, and rubbed it against my skin. And […]

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suicide is my pleasure

by thekid
written by thekid

Life is not for me I see my self in the next world

happy as can be suicide is our pleasure our ticket out

of this world if this  were Greece or Rome the world would not hate us

my suicidal brethren death will be a wonderful gain it is the

best sleep!

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To the cops who cruise this place

by Hofnii
written by Hofnii

One of you contacted me by email yesterday.  Kiss off.

AND FOR THE SINCERE AMONG US,some council.

When I took Accounting 101, I asked the instructor about cooking the books.  His reply was, if he told me how it was done, he’d be instructing me in the commission of a crime, which is a crime itself.  It wouldn’t matter if I ever committed the crime either.  So, he couldn’t tell me about those things.

The study of cooking the books is called forensic accounting, it’s high lever class’s, and they certainly do teach students all about it.  The legalese is you are learning how to recognize it.

Cops only […]

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