I understand people going through things and surviving it. But just because you survive it doesnt mean I can or want to. I dont want help to make things better. there is no more “better” left. When it takes effort for my to type these words, I know Im faded. Everyday gets worse and worse, but the funny part is everynight you go to sleep praying for the next day to be better than the last. He still hasnt answered my prayers to take my life, this is how I know he wants me to take my own. Its so beautiful outside, but yet im […]
Sleep
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I thought I’d never have to come back here. I thought I was doing fine. I used to severely scratch my skin (around my shoulders and chest so no one could see) to take some extremely negative thoughts out on myself. I had stopped for about 4 days now. Then… today happened.
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Here’s a little back-story;
About 3 years ago, my ex cheated on her boyfriend of 2 years with her friend, they obviously broke up. Then me and her dated for about 2 weeks last year, but she left me to get back together with her ex, but he didn’t want her. She then […]
I look in ugly people and ask myself: “How do they live? And why? Why am I living?”
My arms are too long.
My hair is too short.
My legs are too fat.
My skin has way to much red blemishes.
My face shape is horrible.
I get compliments from ugly people and I ask myself: “So… Am I the prettiest one from ugly people? Why pretty people never like me? Why handsome guys reject me?”
I just want to sleep… Forever… I don’t want anyone to see me. I don’t want to see myself.
.
where have i gone wrong?Â
my deep decent into depression is worse than i thought possible. i have literally lost my mind. ive driven myself mad. i dont know whats real anymore,i cant concentrate. i daydream consistently, i cant controll it, its like ny mind is trying ti escape reality. its become so severe i struggle to tell if im actually imagining it or its really happening. im so insecure, i have no friends, my family disownes me, treats me like absolute shit. im so very alone, not a single person to talk to, but thats just reality. i dont sleep anymore, i just lay in […]
I feel so overwhelmed, I want out. My family never listens, so much fucking aggression. Everything is my fault. I want it to stop. Im so over my head, I just want someone to listen. I want something in my life that makes it worth it. I’m so sick of the fucking expectations and lectures and screaming!!!! I just want someone to be civil! No one will talk to me, Im fucking alone. They just get angry and yell when I talk about my feelings. I dont have any adequate instruments to cut myself. I feel like i’m welling up with all these ugly emotions, […]
every day i wake up and wonder why cant i just sleep forever?. I am 25 years old have been depressed for the last five years. Over that time i have started cutting and have on 2 Â occasions i have tried to end my life. the first time i tried to hang myself but the rope broke. The second time I took a full bottle of Vicodin then then tried to shot myself but i just was not able to pull the trigger, my mind told its ok the pain pills will kill you. I woke up 2 days later. I can see no end […]
All I want to do is to sleep.
Permanently.
As a Christian, I was taught to give thanks every morning, to be grateful that I am alive and well. Unfortunately, I am doing the exact opposite. I keep asking: “Why am I still alive this morning?” I pray to God to take my life away because (initially) I don’t believe in suicide.
Apparently that didn’t help much because I am still alive and kicking.
And so here I am, contemplating suicide… With suicide I know for sure I will never have to wake up again…
Hi there, i don’t want to go into a lot of detail so i will try keep it short. I have suffered from severe depression for 10 years. It started with a breakdown caused by a split with my boyfriend and i swallowed a bottle of paracetomol. I freaked out and called for help. After that i overdosed again and slit my wrists twice and needed stitches. I was hospitalised on and off for a few years and was mis diagnosed with bipolar type 2 disorder. I’ve seen a number of psychiatrists over the years and have been on every single medication you can imagine […]
The thought of death sometimes gives me this warm tingly feeling inside. The thought of never having to worry about my life, or about what I am going to do with my life gives me a high. I look at knives and I cant help but pick one up…….I run my finger over the blade to feel how sharp it is, As I do that I think what would happen to my family? my friends? my boyfriend? Would I be selfish for leaving this world and leaving them behind? The pain of knowing how much it would hurt others is more painful than actually being here. I […]
Worried faces stare at me,
I try and hide the agony,
Buried within, so deep inside ,
So deep that I no longer cry.
nothing helps to cure the pain,
blood from my wrists like crimson rain,
so sad and helpless what to do,
When you have no one to turn to.
Close my eyes, get some sleep,
Silent tears no longer weep,
feel like nobody has to know
An eternal slumber i will go,
Eyelids heavy drift away,
To a hopeful bright and newer place,
How lost I was, when I found out,
The outcome of my chosen route,
my minds racing, so constantly,
i hardly have time to breathe,
Who knew the choice to just give up,
Would lead to a neverending depression.
I am, aren’t I? I am going mad.
How am I feeling?
Absolutely, positively, maddeningly sad.
I went to the gas station by my house instead of having dinner, and spent the whole time asking myself a never-ending string of what if’s? Â What if all of this is a waste? What if everything is irrational? What if? What if? What if?
When they say “It’s sink or swim”, What if you just get the fuck out of the water?
So in depression is it really sink or swim? Â You can drown in depression, or struggle to swim away… Unless you get the fuck out. Take a […]
My sadness is turning into anger, I know that the lack of food is contributing to my irritation but I can’t help to feel abandoned. Out of all the people that said they love me why has no one called? My parents don’t know about my decision to stop eating and keep pressuring me by shoving food in my face and eating my favorite things in front of me I even tossed a slice of pizza out the window and tell them I was eating just to get them to stop, every smell is powerful and temptation is painful. I know they only do it […]
Everything was good, I was happy.. Maybe I just convinced myself I was? I just don’t know what to do, how to help myself.. I hadn’t cut in like three days.. Now I’m watching it pour out of me.. So now I’m going to drink myself to sleep with a bottle of vodka, maybe ill add a few pills and finally finish it to fuck!
I’ve hit it. I’m a 19 year old gay male and i’ve been crying my eyes out for so many nights now. I want to just end it all..I am so miserable and lonely. I’ve brought most of this on myself I guess…i think I have herpes and it fucking disgusts me. I hate these fucking sores on my lips…why did I have to do this to myself? I feel like such a disgusting whore. I miss my exboyfriend and I wish i could have done more for him..instead I fucked up. I fuck everything up. I don’t know why I was brought intothis world…both […]
it brought terror and fear, i dont get it. i WANT to die and i acted on it last night, but once everything went down hill i knew maybe death isnt the answer to life’s problems? it started with a headache i ignored it, i felt sharp stabbing pains going all down my back, everytime i stood up i was to weak and the pain was to annoying to just keep moving so i’d stand up and fall to my knees and rest this scared me. then i gave up attempting to walk let alone stand, so i just layed in bed then i started […]
Once when I was little I was happy and carefree I used to run around laughing
Until it was time for tea I used to play games And smile all the time I used to feel on top of the world I used to feel fine It’s amazing how things change When people let you down And how that once happy face Turns into a solemn frown
You search and search For someone who cares Anyone who understands Anyone who dares Loneliness, it hurts It kills you deep inside It makes you feel empty It stops you in your stride You cry yourself to sleep Hugging your pillow tight Wishing for someone To hold you through the night Once when I was little I was happy and carefree Now […]
Does anybody else have nightmares that make them afraid to sleep? Like when you should be able to get away from lifeyour dreams make it impossible? I wake up with scratches on my arms they are so bad… How do I get them to go away? Its hard enough trying to stay alive when im awake I dont need nightmares of me killing myself to add on top of everything….
Life was always hard on me, from the day I was born.. with an alcohlic father who had abandoned me and my mother when I was 2 and a mother who’s hobby is to blame me for everything and yell at me.. Really no one to care for me at this age. I was always alone and I tried my best to always get out of the house as much as I could because why would I stay there..
When I got older and there had been more yelling towards me, neglect, and beatings.. I even remember one time when i was in grade 2 and […]
Lately, I’ve been trying to determine if I was born broken or if my life made me this way.
I mean, I can go down the list of my life experiences and lay out a path of the things that seem to have lead up to the way I am now. But, might not a better person, with better DNA or a better soul or whatever you believe to be at the core of us, have reacted differently to the same kind of life. Maybe I’m just not meant to be well, or worthy or happy.
I can’t sleep much at all anymore. My mind just races […]