No one really cares at the end. of it all. Everyday I wake up I wish to die. Of course I want to do it in a painless way. I heard if you jump like off a cliff your body passes out so thats a good one..right? Or overdose on perkasets because I heard it stop your breathing and you go in a peacful sleep
I want this more than anything to die. Please leave a comment. My only fear is that I will live this horrible life.
Tag:
Sleep
I can’t sleep, my anxiety and depression are getting the best of me. My thoughts are becoming irrational. I know it’s not normal to have suicidal feelings but I’m having them anyway. It’s a challenge to drive into town because I so want to speed up and go over one of the cliffs. I’m so lost.
When I sit and think about my life, there is only a few good memories and few times when I can remember being genuinely happy. I feel that I am just going through repetitive motions everyday. I am taking 5 classes and working 36 hours a week. I have a good job and make good money. I am always so busy trying to keep up with school and work but I rather it be that way than to have time for my mind to travel.
From other people’s perspective, I have it all. But it is a very different story from my point of view. I honestly don’t […]
I can’t face these people of the day
They don’t like me, but that’s okay.
I’ll go to my sanctuary where nothing is as hard as it may seem.
I’ll go to sleep and get lost in a dream.
I’m in a castle. It’s decorated in gold.
I am surrounded by friends, both young and old.
I go to the garden, where the beauty is endless.
The sights are lovely, the feeling is priceless.
I am at peace as my heart erupts
I feel at home, that is, until I wake up.
I used to have a problem with crack/heroin and more than once i was hospitalized because of it. Although at the time it was not an intentional overdose. I still remember before and after it but not during, u just slip away silently. No mess just easy to deal with for those who find me. You don’t feel pain or nausea you just go to sleep and hope that no-one finds you to stop the process. For me its just a matter of when and where.
Its 5:21am, no sleep, can’t sleep, class in 3 hours, there’s no point in trying anymore, I wish I were dead.
It’s 3 am, I can’t sleep, but I am tired.
I wrote a few weeks back, this is a follow up, things have not gotten any better.
I managed to tell a girl i was inlove with that it was so, she reacted as i had thought, told me there were no feelings and ignored it ever happened, it bothers me. Not just that i feel somewhat heart broken, It’s is not too bad. It is more the feeling that this is the one person i can talk to about my real thoughts, but it is slipping now. I feel myself growing more distant, not daring to […]
This place is so familiar, this place that I always come back to. Chainsmoking my way through a lonely night, endlessly surfing the net to distract my mind. Radio, TV, Twitter, facebook, scroling scrolling, clicking clicking – only turning off the light when I know that sleep will be instantaneous.
I’ve tried blaming it on circumstance, the balance in my bank account, my parents marriage, failed relationships…but this thing, this thing is always with me. I move and it comes with me, I hide, it finds me, I embrace it and it kills me.
I don’t know what it is, restless fatigue and itchy bones […]
I don’t know who I am, really. I don’t understand myself at times. Sometimes I think about diagnosis too much. Try to fit myself into a label. But the truth is, I’m a human being. I shouldn’t care about ‘what’ I am, I should care more about who I am. So what I lack some things most people have? For most part, I’m just as human as you are. I might be a little more logical than most of you, I tend to only use intellect and not emotions. I might be into some stuff most of you find weird (true crime, for example). But […]
I guess I’ll open up my story, for whoever wants to read i guess. For the past years, i have been in such a long term depression. (on & off.) I’ve never ever been truly happy, for no less than 2 weeks or to where I didn’t even know what sad was anymore. It’s actually the other way around, i feel like i can’t even tell what happiness is. Ever since i was born, my dad was a big alcoholic. Always came home with a brown bag of liquor after work, and always stayed in his room. Telling my siblings and I, that he was […]
I have been alive for a little over 15 years  now.  I’ve laughed countless times, smiled the majority of my life, and cried when it seemed appropriate.  Yet I’ve rarely done any of these with emotion.  I’ve been alive for over a decade and a half but I can’t think of a single time when I was truly living.
I started to realize that I was empty, and that emptiness was suffocating.  It was a tangible force, crushing me to the ground like gravity.  I wanted to feel something…  maybe love or at even agony, just anything but this hollowness inside of me.  I want to be able to […]
why is it that simple stuff like my best friend texting me I miss you or my guy friend giving me a hug or my sister telling me she loves me bring tears to my eyes. I want to be able to tell them I’m leaving. I want to be able to tell them I am think about killing myself. But I can’t. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I cry and cut everyday. I’m dead on the inside. I’m not who I was. I’m gone it’s just my body now and I’m not sure how long that will be here.
Well I have tried killing myself. I’ve slit my wrists, arms, legs, stomach, fingertips. I don’t want an identity. I have burned off my fingerprints but they grew back, no matter how many times I burned them off.
I don’t consider myself human.
I’m an alien.
I’m a redhead that lives in a small town full of Mexicans. I don’t hate them, I love my friends. But I’m an alien. I’m from mars and other people like me (gingers) are the reason why mars is red. I had to learn to make fun of myself at a very young age in order to live in this hellhole-of-a-town.
I’ve held a […]
What part of the day, night or weekend do you fear or hate the most? …for me its the first part of the night because I don’t sleep and my mind spins out of control
I’m 15 years old. My parents are divorced and have been since i was 2. My dad cheated on my mom with my now step mom. My mom remarried when i was 14. Ever since i was about 5 and started gymnastics, my step mom didn’t like me. She never actually told me that, but she hit me over and over so i could tell. She’s hit me with her fist, a book, a chair, and a belt.She has even threatened to stab me with a knife.
My stepdad sexually abused me multiple times around age 8. The nights i stayed at my moms house and was […]
The woods are lovely, dark and deep
but i have promises to keep
and miles to go before i sleep
and miles to go before i sleep…..                 Robert Frost
Do you see how you you have hurt me? I wonder when you are up there if it makes you laugh or if it makes you cry. Oh girl, when you were alive my world was an endless bliss, but now it seems so bleak and empty. Why did you die was it something I did i feel like a colourful canvas which has been washed clean to show complete darkness. I would rip the whole world apart just to spend one more minute in your embrace. Why did you kill yourself? You leave a note saying it is not my fault but then why […]
my life seemed perfect up untill i was three.some things you cant forget but the fear and hurt always comes back to visit me. the shit i would do to remember what it feels like to have my mom love me and be dadies little princess, till i started watching her beat my older sisters, she would beeat my oldest sister everyday after school stomp on her in the corner of the bathroom like a bug, pull her pants down and make her shit in a bucket sometimes shed say she was gonna beat the living shit out her just for having her period,when moma started […]
The woods are lovely, dark and deep
but i have promises to keep
and miles to go before i sleep
and miles to go before i sleep…..                Robert Frost
its getting harder and harder day by day. I just want to go away from this place and live alone with no one to judge me or hurt me. The only person i told about my depression is my boyfriend and it has been over 4 months since when i have told him. But not a single question, not a single flinch in his feelingless heart. He did not even wonder why i am sad sometimes for no apparant reason. […]
People have told me, “Don’t do it, Emma” and “You can talk to me about anything”. But I can’t. I know I’m not alone in this but it always feels like I am. I’ve had people call the Suicide Hotlines on me and I’ve helped other people get through their own depressions but I can never seem to shake the pain, loneliness, jealousy, or depression. I have problems I know I need to fix but I just can’t.
Im 14. My name is Emma and I live in Colorado. When I was three, my mom and dad divorced after my mom knowingly broke my younger brother’s […]