Amy, its been 3 years since your passing and I want to leave you a message but never knew where without being ridiculed and questioned whether or not I’m not ok. I was thinking of the day we me so young and carefree I was hopeless and depressed when you met me. That changed so quickly I suddenly had purpose for everything I had a reason to like myself and to like the world around me. I still have your glasses from freshman year safely perched next to the last picture of us, the last time I didn’t fake my smile, the last time […]
Tag:
Smile
I can’t actually remember how it started. I’m not sure if I can even call it depression. Most of my life I have been surrounded by control. I have been from place to place. My parents had me at 14 so things were crazy growing. I barely ever saw them. Now I live with my father because I have a mother who is going through problems I don’t like to talk about.
I let myself be controlled, and even if i want to, I cant stand up for myself. I’m 17, and in school I just some weird lesbian (I’m not lesbian but people […]
Well as the title States I’m new to this site. My names tj and I am cursed and bated by everyone and everything. If there is a God which I don’t believe there is I’m pretty sure he hares me as well. I lost my best friend, my girlfriend and pretty much everyone who’s ever been in my heart either by choice or not. No matter how hard I try to be a good person and nice to everyone it always goes horribly wrong. Most recently I found a girl who I began to fall in love with ironically with the same name as my […]
That feeling of nothing where I move from place to place not smiling or laughing, not caring or caring.
Some would call this being present. Present and detached. All the demands made on me are met with silence. Even my own needs are met with silence.
Though I feel like crying I’m just to lacking in anything to do so. If tears fall let them for they will not affect me.
I’ve always been able to relate to some other in some small way, but very very few the other way around. And it’s ok now because it no longer affects me.
Like a favourite movie, […]
Its seriously amazing at what you can hide by just putting on a smile. I am currently struggling with anxiety disorder, depression, and an eating disorder (Ednos). I hate my body and my self esteem is broken. Every time I talk to a guy, I have to back off because I don’t think I deserve to be loved. If I can’t even love myself ya know? I feel bad for anyone to ever like me because I have to hide how emotionally damaged I am. They don’t deserve to love me I’m tooo broken to deserve shit. I just want to be happy. No one […]
We all make choices
Some are easier than others
Like what to wear and what to eat
Others are harder
Like how to schedule our day and who to meet
But it seems like my choices are harder still
Something abnormal from all the rest
While my friends are deciding which movie is the best
I’m deciding if myself I’m going to kill
I feel so jealous of all those other kids
They seem to have all their shit together
While I sit here in the corner
Trying to keep my wrists together
While the rest smile I wear a frown
While some look up to the […]
Its hard to put a smile on half the time it feels like I’m lieing to everyone… Well I guess I am anyways so I guess I’m not hurting anyone. I think. Writing here is good but half the time it feels like no ones listening but I know you’re reading this so why don’t you answer? Caues you don’t have the time or you just don’t know what to say? I rather just runaway so I don’t get yelled at so I don’t feel so traped,but where would I go? That’s why I don’t go.
-Kyra
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m a 15 year old boy, a straight A student who just finished freshman year at a relatively good school. I am a decent track and cross country athlete, and my family loves me very much. Yet, I still constantly feel alone and useless.
I don’t quite understand people. I see people I know having fun, hanging out, and I don’t know, I can’t seem to find myself normal friends. There are plenty of people I talk to (about once a week each, about serious shit usually). I don’t know how “suicide attempt” is defined on this site, but […]
Looking in the mirror is often a strange experience for me. When I look in the mirror, I don’t usually hate what I see. I don’t have too many insecurities and I usually like my features and my long, curly hair. The problem is, I’m never sure what else I’ll see when I look at my reflection. There are times when I look at my face and I look so scarily like somebody else and it shocks me that no one else can see it. I’m permanently exhausted, as you can tell from the hollowness below my eyes. My lips refuse to twitch into an unreal […]
So I found something of mines from about a year or two ago and I decided to put it up on here. Everyone puts up the troubles they’ve been through and I’d like to share what I’ve written back then and maybe when later on, if I make it through with life, I could look back to my posts. Anyways, this was made around 2010 or ’11. This was for my friend, who was also facing depression like me and we both promised we wouldn’t do anything horrible to each other. I felt like I failed her and that she wouldn’t ever forgive me, surprisingly […]
I finally made an account. I’ve spent all afternoon reading and I identify entirely with feeling like I’m in a slump. The worst part as I see it is the apathy. The complete loss of excitement for all the little things that used to make me smile and worse yet, the utter lack of care for whomever’s emotions will be affected by my last action on this earth.
I’m 21, completely hopeless, and scared for what lies ahead. I don’t want to disappoint my wife of four months, but with all the fighting I think she’d be better off. I seldom socialize anymore, I dropped […]
when i was 8, i was sexually abused. my mom was an alcoholic almost my whole life, my dad abanded me when i was so young, came back around in my life when i was 15 and choose his new family over his kids. my “best friends” put my secrets all overs facebook to use it against me when we got into a fight. we made up, but i havent fully forgaven them because i have horrible trust issues. im in love with my best friend, and we almost were together BUT of course she found someone better. my whole life ive been made fun of for […]
Today is already worse than any others. I can’t bring a smile to my face, I don’t want to… No motivation, no will. Today I finally told him the problem I’ve been dealing with for a long time now… I think it hurt him 🙁 but I knew he couldn’t understand… Hes supposed to make me the happiest person and the world and now he feels like he’s not doing everything he could but it’s not him, he’s not why I’m like this. It’s me, I’m the one doing this to myself, I feel like I’m losing grip. I’m trapped in my own hell, I […]
May 31, 2012
9:30 p.m
I feel nothing. I feel useless, dull, and dead. I want to die. I’ve thought of dying. I need help. I NEED HELP! I have so much work to do I feel like I’m drowning, I feel empty. I feel like I have no emotions, I feel lifeless, that my life has no meaning. Nobody understands, at least I don’t think so. They all say it will get better or to suck it up. I can’t suck it up; my body and mind are betraying me! I know intellectually that I need to do things but then my mind […]
My whole life has been a battlefield. It’s just I am not like most people I know. Maybe I am way too sensitive for the kind of world I live in. I hate the ethics of how the world works, or possibly the lack of. Anytime I get out of my house I look around me  and think “Why do people choose to be bad?”… Yes, many people are simply bad people or just confused. Maybe if we had the answers to life after death, then maybe the world would work in unison, but obviously we’ll never know until we face death. Now I have […]
I hate how he name calls.
I hate how he doesn’t trust me.
I hate how he puts me down.
I hate how controlling he is.
I hate how he has uncontrollable anger.
I hate how he thinks he’s better than me.
I hate how he makes me feel dumb.
I hate how he let’s his friends put me down.
I hate how he talks badly about my family.
I hate how he sometimes doesn’t take me seriously.
I HATE how he has changed.
I love how he has gorgeous green eyes.
I love how he has the cutest smile.
I love how he has good […]
honest to god, i hate my family. for several reasons. i guess the main one is that they’re all really condescending and do pretty much whatever they can to make my life hell. im not exaggerating, my father got on my case this morning for deciding to eat breakfast. my sisters are just as bad, as they seem to have a bit of an inability to keep off my fuckin’ case. my mom is a bit better, but she’s always asking the wrong questions when i get depressed and reminding me of my self-injury when all i want to do is forget about it.
now school is going to be getting […]
I wrote this just sitting here, singing with my nieces and thinking of my girlfriend 🙂
When you smile at me
My heart skips a beat
Could this be
I’m actually happy?
Your eyes are a light green
Prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen!
With skin the color of cream
I could mistake you for a queen.
With lips a soft pink
Oh, is that a blush on your cheek?
The days are so meak
Without you here to keep.
But I’ll see you again
Kiss every inch of your cream skin
And lose myself in those eyes of light green.
Signed: RunningInTheDark
Tobias Curry
I walk around the world today
All I see is pain
The strife of man against the world
And man has nothing to gain
Ive seen death, I’ve seen poverty, and ive seen sickness
And all of my attempts to fix this were fruitless
A smile. A hollow smile is all i I get
From ones who claim they love me
Either they forget or just don’t care
That I can’t smile back
This strife we fight through in life
Will be forgotten soon enough
The only thing we’ll be remembered by is
Our headstone reading “in memorium of”
I’ve seen greed and glutton,
I’ve seen cheap basterds […]
That’s what it has felt like for a while. Like I’m just lingering in this fucking limbo where I know I’m tired of living, I know I only hurt people and disappoint them and make their lives more difficult. I am really just 21 years of promise culminating into failure. My own boyfriend is kind of sick of me, even. I can tell. I don’t talk about this stuff with him because he doesn’t deserve the burden. Though I guess it’s hard to hide it when you get depressed (I am not diagnosed, my twin brother is; I have too much shame to see a […]