Hello. It’s been a little while. It’s testing week. Had to study. Should be studying. Wanted to do a quick post. This post is going to be dumb and whiny. Please don’t be mad. I can’t handle it when girls smile at me. It bothers me. A part of me thinks that she might like me or think I’m attractive. Then the bigger part of me thinks that’s stupid and would never happen. I really don’t know how to talk to or be around girls. I can’t really even handle it if they look in my direction. This one girl I don’t even know that […]
Broken smiles say a lot
Sometimes they’re not what you thought
They change a person, make them hide
and then one day you may find that smile was the one that died
They made hold secrets people don’t care to know
They may hide feeling that are so low
Sometimes you may wonder why that smile appears
When they’re full of the taste of tears
You may wonder what does it gain
when it’s so full of pain
These are the smile you don’t ignore
Or theyâ€ll be gone forever more
Give the help and love
Don’t give hate or a […]
At the risk of identifying myself to anyone who knows me..
I had a woman come up to me a couple weeks ago and casually,comfortably,awkwardly tell me that she had followed me off a city bus a couple years ago in a snowstorm after exchanging smiles. To clarify, she was beautiful in the way that i like. The whole experience was so wholly unexpected…. that I honestly questioned whether or not i had imagined it
Kind of sobering.. I found it easier to believe that i had suddenly become delusional enough to imagine this.. than it actually happening.
So she asked me if i remembered her… If i […]
rubyblossom. / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA
Running in circles,
You fall,
Digging deeper,
Confused.
Lost.
Your lost.
Breathing…
Seeing…
Heart beating…
Blood rushing through your veins.
But what is this filth that your breathing?
What is this desecration that your seeing?
Why is your heart beating when you don’t really live?
Why is your blood flowing when you can’t understand your life or what’s left of it?
Life…
Living a terminal disease,
Everyday you live your moving closer to dying.
Try and show yourself why…
You don’t know why…
You can’t find the truth.
You don’t know where your going.
People lose your trust.
But who are you to trust when you can’t even trust yourself?
Your psyche […]
I’m slipping back into depression. For the first time in months I deliberately took a razor to skin and edged it in. The familiar slice and twinge offered a precious moment free of the past that haunts me. It felt so GOOD. So tremendously good. My wrist is aching for a gash right now, but I can’t. My wrists are clean. Under my clothes isn’t so pure. It’s the only thing that offers freedom from pain, and I can only imagine that deeper cuts and a tub of warm water would offer all the more bliss. I can’t. I can’t kill myself, can’t and won’t. […]
It’s always the same.
The feelings of being lost, worthless; having no purpose in whatever life I’m trying to create. Trying to feel alive again. Begging to feel happy even just content. Why must everything feel so cold and dark? When did my view become like this?
My skin holds my confusion, pain and frustration. Every notch on it reminds me of the lost soul I am. Yet it makes me feel like I can be found. Is that even possible? So many question but they cannot be answered.
I need a release, to feel like I am here; that I have emotions. My smiles never hold true, […]
This is the first time I’ve ever publically posted/said that I am in as much pain as I am. I’ve hidden it for years, even when I was a young teen. When I was little I thought everybody had bad days like mine: times when the world looked grey, when even speaking was difficult, when my soul felt sucked from me. I’m too afraid to truly come out and tell anyone around me how I really feel. They’ll all just say “Just put on a smile and look on the bright side” or “It’ll be okay, just buck up”. Can’t anyone see that I can’t […]
I feel as if i paint my smiles on.. I don’t think I’ve ever went through so much pain in a month.. You said you felt bad that you did it because it was a week after my great grandmother died? That was my first funeral.. You were there.. Holding me.. Kissing me.. Then bam it all went down hill.. Why? You put me through hell, i fought for us and you did nothing! You told me to shut the fuck up when you knew i was right… Why do I still have to feel this pain? I don’t want it anymore.. Then you’d continue […]
hiiya, my name is *insert worst name in the world here*. i am 14 years young. i hate violence and the world. i do not understand why poeple are so mean all the time. im blonde. i have blue eyes. some of my friends call me dimples cause i have really big dimples. i cut. im sorry. i try my best tocover them up. and it works. i couldnt care any less about being popular. im to worried about music. im in love with nevershoutnever and my chemical romance. ilike fallout boy and panic! at the disco to. i have to buy new head phones […]
Local posts, they list your friends
In order of disappearance
Lawn scattered tins feed birds:
The portions baked for absent guests
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KceYe4Dedbg
Mass edition icon
God sent comfort is your salvation
But who grants absolution for sins
That never were committed?
Call me, darling
Tension makes a tangle of each thought,
It becomes inconvenience
Sound never penetrates as
Servile edges break and faint
Dress lengths, assassinations
Fractured family ties and christenings
Tension
A thought mistaken for a memory
Clear the dust from smiles in boxes
Cross a patterned floor and recall their voices
There goes the plan
hi i dont really know where to start but i guess i can start by saying im suicidal. ive been depressed for a long time and im still not sure why. i really wish i could have the courage to tell someone but i dont . im too scared they’ll make fun of me or will worry too much and i dont want that. i really know i need help but im just not sure why im so scared to tell. my dad is so understanding that he could help and my mom could help too i just dont know… i also dont know why […]
I wish I could restart like a video game. Start over new so I could do everything differently. Every time I turn on my iPod every song I listen to has memories attached to them. I don’t want these memories any more.
I just want to forget the past and let go of this pain. This pain is like a rope that won’t hang me, instead it holds me back, stopping me from moving on.
I just want to let go of the past. The memories. The pain they cause.
I just want to move past this.
I don’t care how I do it, weather it’s with […]
“I don’t understand why we must do things in this world, why we must have friends and aspirations, hopes and dreams. Wouldn’t it be better to retreat to a faraway corner of the world, where all its noise and complications would be heard no more? Then we could renounce culture and ambitions; we would lose everything and gain nothing; for what is there to be gained from this world? There are people to whom gain is unimportant, who are hopelessly unhappy and lonely. We are so closed to one another! And yet, were we to be totally open to each other, reading into the depths […]
i wish i could drink to the last drop..just get drunk everynight..to forget everything, to get some sleep..
the hangover..i dont mind, it’s easier to deal than this life.
music and pills are my  best friends.
No one knows, Â i’ve been pretendingt that i’m happy, Â masking things with smiles.
i wish i could vanish, dissapear …even better if i could die in no time.
death somehow is so peaceful, no yesterday, no tomorrow, just a silent stage and place …with no more pain and tears.
What is life? What is death?
Such words countlessly repeated.
What is after? What was before?
A bird in a cage has no use for such answers.
Brocken wings, muted songs,
For life will exhaust them before long.
What is this wonderful world you speak of?
I look, I search,
I desperatly yearn for a revelation.
But I see grey, I see ugliness,
I see the bars in hoplessness.
When all smiles could faked and all cheers could be fabricated,
Even love will be twisted.
What is remaining? What should I be searching?
Only the self satifaction of daydreaming.
Let me sleep, let me dream, let me wander away from my cage.
I don’t want this heart anymore
What just happened?
Everything was going so well. It’s already seven p.m. and I haven’t felt suicidal all day. For me, that is a huge accomplishment. I spent the day with real smiles on my face. I felt like I was alive again. I thought “maybe everything will be all right now.”
I was wrong of course, I’m not all right.
Seven months. Seven fucking months I was cut free.
Not anymore. One cut, just one little slice and a few drops of crimson from that little shard of glass I keep in my room. Suddenly those seven months are gone. Just like that, one moment of weakness.
My promises are broken, the […]
What will I type? What message am I oddly eager to send, although once I begin typing I have to force myself to continue. This terrible apathy that I have acquired, where I care not when I see my mother rotting away, a wasted life, why do I feel the need to add one more silly post in the thousands that languish here already. In this curious journey of reaching another state of mind, I find myself hating my apathy, oh the irony. All that we, the youth at least, need is a sense of purpose. And if not that, then we would oh so […]
I hate my kind.
I hate their faces, their ignorant smiles. I’ve grown to hate them indisciminatly. What the fuck is wrong with those people? Hollow minds inside puppets made to walk with rotten strings. Let yourself fall into the bliss of mindless simplicity. Almost life a hivemind, brainwashed and seemingly happy with it.
Go with the crowd or fall with the trash.
I do not claim to be a saint nor have my 21 years of existence given me enough experience in the way of life, but is it just me or everything seems so twisted. What happened to sincerity, kindness, generosity? All those concepts are almost […]
okay this has nothing to do with suicide i just need to get this out you don’t have to read if ya don’t want to.
************************************************************
So my bff likes this guy and he’s amazing he’s taller than me (I’m 5’9 in the seventh grade) and he loves all the music I do, he connects with me, and we never get bored of eachother when we talk… it’s clear that i like him too. and I realllllyyy really like him, and I think he likes me (he always stares at me and smiles when I come and talk to him and smiles whenever he sees […]
3 loves lost and im going on
3 times blown away by hating eye
cos girls thay travel in packs like wolves
and like wolves that snap at all that come nere
and unless some one can magically here
the sownd of braking hearts
and a boy is dumpt not just byu the girl but by the pack
dont get me wong im not puting a wole sex down
cos nice girls travel alone
thay set them selfs aside
from all nere by
ter for not picking up the ill tids
of hatrid and crultey
gosip and banter
are some of the simtoms to date
but its all a liy of smies as a nice boy gos biy
so dont fall for the […]
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