Nothing that out of the usual I guess, but today I swear to god was the worst I’ve had in a long fuckin’ while. If you are a parent and think it’s okay to tell your kid who they can and cannot date and how to live their life, then fuck you. Apparently my mother thinks it’s okay to boss me around and bash my decisions in life. WELL FUCK THAT. FUCK HER. FUCK EVERYTHING. If I really wanna smoke, then I’ll fuckin’ smoke. If I wanna date him or her, then I’ll fuckin’ date him or her. YOU WILL NOT TELL ME HOW TO […]
Tag:
smoke
Don’t really know where to start. Maybe where I got so drunk the other night, possibly the drunkest I’ve ever been, nearly attempted, and also fell on the sidewalk cutting up my entire body and face, which had people asking questions. Or maybe with someone who doesn’t bite their nails much, I have none left to bite. Or maybe how I sleep the absolute minimum now, maybe two or three hours a night, if at all. My sleeping patterns have been especially messed up, even on taking extra strength Advil PM doesn’t knock me out. I thought all my stress from school was the root […]
i focus on the pain, the only thing that’s real
it’s been 5 years since i last marred my pale skin,
gave it some bloody color
i sat there and cried
only knowing one thing for sure,
knowing i dont wanna know.
i sat there and smoked through 2 marlboro black 100s
pressed against me
flesh bubbly like a teenager high off their first crush
and when the light on the tip of my smoke started to dim, almost going out,
i’d take it away, take a hard pull, breath in the horror deep and slow
and then push it back against me,
harder than before.
i think i might be ready to go now
While my name is Jonas i constantly feel like Jonah from the bible. Stuck in a whale and i try praying but i always find that when i think I’m out it was just mania. My parents never listen to what i say. I think maybe i should be homeless at the shelter just to avoid my triggers. They think I’m tripping on drugs, and i am heavily addicted to DXM. I can’t smoke weed because I’m on probation. Because of me being a fool and hitting my ex for cheating on me. I’ve lost myself and all sense of reality. My family doesn’t believe […]
Dragged a comb across my head.
Found my way downstairs and drank a cup and looking up, I noticed I was late.
Found my coat and grabbed my hat.
Made the bus, in seconds flat.
Found my way upstairs and had a smoke.
And somebody spoke and I went into a dream.
So this feeling is so, not painfull, not happy, no wanting 2 die, yet cant live…iv gotten on my feet the best i could only to get knocked down multiple times id like 2 drink, or do some h. Smoke myself to bliss. Its not drugs that is doin this 2 me thats just how i cope. Searching for a god who speaks through a book i try very hard 2 understand. Cant give up, but cant go passed this. Was i born like this? Did u do this to me?…….tried so hard but did i try the right way. Nah i couldnt have. Is […]
Time does not bring relief; you all have lied
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss [her] in the weeping of rain;
I want [her] at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,
And last year’s leaves are smoke in every lane;
But last year’s bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide.
There are a hundred places where I fear
To go, — so with [her] memory they brim.
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot or shone his face
I say, “There is no memory of [her] here!”
And so stand stricken, so remembering [her].
-Edna St. […]
hey guys. My mom and I haven’t been talking for a week now because I did something stupid. I lit a paper using a lighter because I liked the smell of the burning paper. I did it while sitting in the toilet. My mom smelled the smoke and she started yelling at me. She said things like “it’s bad for your heart and your brain.” “That’s probably why you’re so stupid.” And then the next morning, she told my dad and then my dad scolded me and said that I was stupid and that I’m an addict. And also that my brain is probably damaged […]
I thought things were getting better, but it was just my mind’s way of getting a run-up to kick me in the balls again. I want to smash the bottle in front of me and cut myself to shit, grab my huge (and evergrowing) bag of failed meds and take the lot, kick down my door, smash out the bathroom window and climb up onto the rooftop and scream and shout and cry in one final act of defiance to the world. But I wont. Ill just sit here and smoke my problems away, like I always do. That’s why I’m such a useless piece of shit, […]
I try to sleep but i never can… All I ever do is sit up thinking constantly. I use to smoke bowls and do drugs to help but I’m trying to stay clean. I need to actually. But without drugs all i think about is hurting myself. When it will be my last day how it will all end. Does anyone know anyway to help with this shit? I mean I’m on meds but they don’t work at all. Someone anyone ideas please… I’m tired of wanting drugs and to hurt myself but I have nothing else.
i really don’t know why but i wasn’t expecting myself to come back here, i tough oh just one night then go back to being silent but i can’t really, i need to talk to people even if i’m not actually talking to someone, i’m letting out some of my feeling.
Talking about those feels, i really hate them sometimes i wish was like Patch from hush, hush unable to feel. I want to be a fallen but aren’t i already, i think i am, yes i’m a fallen, i would call myself a angel but i’m far from that nop i’m a demons walking among […]
If you ever need someone to talk to, or vent or anything please come and talk to me on kik: boricua_loca23, If you need a friend, talk to me. If you need acceptance I’m right here. If you’re gay, bisexual,transgender, if you drink, or smoke, or anything. Talk to me I do not judge. I’m here whenever. For anything. Please don’t hesitate to contact me. I’m here for you.
Retrograde, I shed up cause’ I can’t smoke inside the house
God I cannot swear your name, damn the damn dentist
Get the hell out of the damned States from America
Kim Jong of Korea got the terminal through his hole
Before I die, before I die; dude, let’s get a hold of the Rodman!
Damn son of a ***** will kill my life, let’s go comrade
But I’m going back to the Europe
France surrendered already, I heard
They’re so, so beautiful, oh this little boy
As I stood by the wall chilling, came up to me
In […]
Let’s boon. Gear up, see what’s up. Hmu
We’ll get a gang of heavy bud, enough to smoke an OD
Just in case, loose so much brain cells stay in the jungle
Make a fire, make the fire. I want to play Elder Scrolls Online
But we’re not coming back
Take me to a higher place, then let us vanquish
The water, the fire, the earth
I feel tired. And emotionless. If I can’t feel joy, fine, I’ll choose pain as a close second. Most times I have to smoke or drink in order to feel that pain. It’s almost cathartic.
I go about my days wondering why the fuck I’m still here. The way I think, the way I do things just never seem to match up with how the world works. My personality isn’t exactly the most pleasant which holds me back in almost everything, including job opportunities and relationships. It scares me. I’m not doing anything, not contributing anything… not enjoying any part of this fucked up sedentary lifestyle. Let’s […]
Okay so i’m a teen and like a lot of people on here i have been suicidal lately. Now i’m not the best writter so sorry in advance but i just gotta get this off my chest. Like i said before im a teen and i just feel so depressed all the time. I have all of these issues wrong with me i have ADHD, depression, OCD, cold sweats, anxiety, trouble sleeping. really bad acne scars, suicidal, no friends or anyone to talk too and a lazy eye (which may seem kind of silly but im really self conscious about it). Iv tried suicide 2 […]
As I write this, I’m sitting in bed with a loaded 9mm and capt Morgan white rum.
For the life of me I don’t get why I can’t do it, all my life all I’ve whined about and cursed god to do was take my life, yet presented with the opportunity I can’t do it… This is NOT a plead for help nor is it having second thoughts, my life has been shitty since birth! The usual… Father issues, my whole family gives me the cold shoulder.hell, one of my aunts thought it would be a good idea to tell me how my mother was […]
Where once a bonfire of life could be seen
Now lies a black scorch on the village green
People they departed a few at a time
Even though I’d committed no crime
“There’s no smoke without fire” then “I knew it weren’t true”
How their minds changed when the whole truth came through
That part of the village is still dead and black
And like the friends, it’ll never come back
I look back to 10 years ago… 10 years!? Has it really been that long!?… I wish I could be 22 again & go out clubbing every night getting wasted & lost dancing to Techno at the trendiest “gay” club, without a care. Just to be happy in that moment. Not caring if guys or gals hit on me, as long as they bought me drinks or smokes! Oh those were the days…
But now, it is no longer considered ‘appropriate’ for a 32yr old to go out & be drunk. Not that I can drink or smoke anymore. No, some bad choices in relationships have […]
In fleeting moments, all is good.
But it never stays,
It always decays.
I fear I may never be understood.
Through the thick smoke, I see hope.
But to reach it, means effort,
Something in short supply.
Use too much, fail too often, makes you wanna die.
The inability to express haunts me.
Regrets in the past taunt me.
“What if, What if” clouds my mind
As I try and fail to leave it behind.
I might get through this,
Everything is fine right now.
But what about tomorrow?
Maybe it’s easier to cut my losses and take a bow.