I’m so tired of feeling alone. My friends tell me they care about me and that they’d kill themselves if I ever did. I don’t believe a word that comes out of their mouth. I’m so tired of being here. Why haven’t I killed myself? I ask myself that every damn day. I wish I knew someone who understood me. I’m glad there’s a lot of people here on this website that can relate to me. We all really want something in live. Well, what I really want is to be dead..
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Guilt.
Guilt is my prison cell.
6 concrete walls that confine me into an existence that I hate.
“Why guilt?” some of you may ask.
I feel guilty for the possibility that someone out there that I am not aware of would grieve upon my death.
People who are not there for me in life, yet would experience pain and self-blame if I completed my last task.
Knowing that I could possibly hurt more people than I know by finally ridding myself of the one thing that causes me the most pain –
That’s what confines me here to a joyless, meaningless life.
I need to be around people in real life. I […]
I’d like to reconsider my life. Find someone that I could speak to, someone that I could really pour my soul out to. I need someone that will care for me, caress me, hold me when I’m crying. Not a guidance councillor, not my parents or family, but someone.. A stranger. A stranger that understands. A stranger that will wipe away the drops of water rolling down my cheek. A stranger that will love me. A stranger that will not leave me stranded in a room full of depression. I need someone to look at me in the eyes, and tell me that I’m beautiful.
I am […]
The worst thing about a break-up isn’t necessarily the fact that you broke up with “x” person. It’s the memories left behind. As I sit in my increasingly frigid apartment, I remember our time sitting in the spot where I am now, watching Top Gear and enjoying each others company. Thats the worst part for me.
I spent the first 21 years of my life living in hell. There is a higher power with a wicked sense of humor. Every attempt ended in utter disappointment. Someone had to be laughing somewhere. The shining moment where I thought that I’d met someone who would always support me, […]
I have many things I’m supposed to be thankful for. A full time job. A roof over my head. I don’t go hungry. A reliable, fuel efficient, comfortable car. Why should I hate my life? I don’t know, but I do. I hate that every plea for company to distract my mind from the negativity that I can’t stop, goes unanswered. I hate that when I vent in the only place I can think of where people I know (facebook) I just get kind words from people who will never actually do anything to help, or I get anger-filled responses that blame me for not […]
The world? Getting angrier. Society? Getting shittier. People taking their own lives? Is occurring more and more. And the bullies? They never stop. They continue to bring someone down to their death. Everyone asks me what I want in life… I just simply want to be happy and I want world peace. But the happiness? Can happen. But world peace…. never is going to happen.
I realized that I don’t want to be alone, because being alone truly sucks. I am so unhappy with my physical appearance that it just depresses me and makes me so insecure. Over the past few months I have gained 22 pounds and until recently I lost 10 pounds. I feel so ugly and I want to change but its so hard, I guess I don’t want it bad enough huh? I gave my all to someone that took advantage of it and just hurt me. And now I’m afraid, I don’t want to do that again and so I don’t. I don’t let myself […]
I wish I were someone else. I don’t care what I look like. I just want to escape my mind. I want to stop all of these thoughts that engulf me. They are trying to kill me. But they’re right. I am one in 7 billion. I don’t matter. I will never be an important part of the world. I might as well not even exist. I don’t even want to try to be someone important. I hate the world and I hate the human race. Call me cynical, but nobody cares about anybody unless it’s benefiting them. I don’t want to be a part […]
So. Tonight I was the closest I’ve ever gotten to finally killing myself. I mean it’s been maybe 8 months since I came to the conclusion that I needed to die, yet all I have to show for it are some fading scratches on my arm. It’s also been only a little bit shorter since I’ve started cutting myself – not so much because it made me feel better, but to get used to the pain and basically practice. I have to admit though, it usually did make the pain go away for the moment – except today. I made a deliberately deeper cut than […]
I was a rebound. We weren’t even dating for 2 days. She didn’t even want me. Right when someone better came along she wanted to leave. So why did she even say yes in the first place and why does this hurt so much. It’s like I can’t stop crying..
I’ve been feeling like shit really for the past few months, and my friend called and asked if I wanted to hang out. Of course I said yes…
This morning started out normal for a Sunday morning (in my house at least) my older brother and his wife arguing, my older brother being a total dick… But I’m feeling a bit better, and I’m surprised that I haven’t cried yet. (it’s only 10AM so knock on wood)
I think… it really does make a difference having someone who actually cares around, sure my parents care but then again they let my demons follow me- and won’t let […]
My tears can’t stop falling,
And it feels like dying.
Please someone tell me how to stop loving someone so much. So fucking much. Should I tell him? I don’t want to lose my best friend ever. I’d prefer to be miserable for the rest of my life instead that he stops talking to me and treating me like his best friend.
I just feel numb and cold. My skin feels tight and i feel like i’m suffocating. Why am I here? What am i suppose to be doing? My head feels heavy trying to figure out what path i should follow. What is Life suppose to be like? i should want what other people do right? Family, Love, Success? But i don’t. It doesn’t lift this heaviness in my chest that feel everyday. it feels suffocating to me. That can’t be all there is to life. I feel like i was born in the wrong time. Maybe i should have never existed and should be wiped […]
I’ve dealt with a lot of trauma and terror in my life, and there was only one thing that kept me remotely sane… A love for one person.
I grew up with very limited options and fewer trusting individuals. Everything I was taught in the educational system were lies, especially on moral standards. Even my family disowned me the moment I was raped…
But one person stuck around when I needed them most… and then they decided I wasn’t good enough to be with them…
They lied to me, leading me on making me believe that there was ever a chance between us, only to find he never […]
Someone to talk to, to listen, understand, care… I may die any day now, but I wamt someone to care for me and miss me. I need someone, Anyone. I don’t care who! Just someone who feels the numb, the pain, the sorrow, the hurt… Anyone thete?
I am mad! Mad at my depression that interrupted my life, caused heartache and hurts. Separated me from my family for my emotional safety. I am mad at the counseling I had that went no where because I didn’t understand my emotional state of mind, 20 years later!
Over the years I had counseling, but they said counseling wasn’t about dredging up your past, it’s about moving forward! But if the unresolved thoughts and feelings aren’t examined, it IS what I needed/need.
I tell you I am also mad about how many people are affected this way- family of origin does harm and leaves the child to heal […]
He’s away right now… So I quickly write my new theory and hopes.. Maybe.. Maybe he’ll get so angry he’ll kill me with his bare hands.. I never thought I’d die by the hands of someone else but myself after the first time but now I’m okay with it all as long as I’m at peace and in a never ending sleep.. Much love
So i have been having really deep depression latly and idk how to deal with it. I cant talk to anyone about it because i have no one. Id just like to talk to someone who understands me
Myemail is justin _ evans at aol
I guess many can say I’m overreacting. Many would say the cliche “there’s plenty of fish in the sea”. But I am done.
21 years of my life someone actually returned their feelings. Someone made me happy. We were in love.
I have been used, manipulated, led on and abandoned. But this person…they weren’t anything like that.
They were innocent. They weren’t capable to do such things. But my past hurt, and my mental illness drove us apart and I feel much worse than before.
I was suicidal and planned but they came into my life and saved me. They picked up the pieces and glued me together. But […]
I don’t want to live anymore. I’m no poet, no profound words, no beautiful prose. I just want to move on to whatever is next. I had a friend who killed herself. It was such a shock: she was so perfectly beautiful that men literally collided with each other when they saw her.
But now I see her as so brave and I am deeply ashamed that I can’t even get up enough courage to stop being a burden to everyone around me. I am already a ghost in my own life, a literal cliched shadow of my former self. When my boyfriend looks at me,he […]