Here I lay,
Here I cry,
Is that the devil at my side?
If you wish
You can hide,
but don’t you dare die!
You are what’s keeping me here
So, please, stay near,
You are very dear
Without you, I’m cold,
I’m all alone.
If you diminish
I will be finished.
People don’t hear it,
You are my spirit.
Or maybe they do,
And they try to kill you.
But no matter the tears they bring,
You must sing!
Because I fear
When you aren’t here.
Tag:
Spirit
To let go
The mass – now too great to endure
Arms weary and swollen
Thwarting the barrier’s fall since birth
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 Drained
limbs are lowered
Spirit broken
The partition falls
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One last turn . . .
One last time. . .
One final gaze. . .
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Leaving all that is good in the world behind
Stepping over the rubble of the once great wall
To the other side
Where the soil grows only indiscretion
And torment
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If only . . .
Another rootless soul wanders along . . .
Places limbs upon the wall . . .
Allowing a brief […]
Thing about it: You had to have been given a mind, a thought pattern, personality, a unique body, something that defines you as YOU.
Everything you’ve ever done, I think you were destined for, the good, the mistakes,…
If you really think about it, If you were anyone one else, you would have their mind, you would feel what they feel, maybe you would have their spirit.
If any given person transformed into you, my guess is they would act the exact same, in that body.
My point is: You really have no control over who you are, how you think, so this is a reason why you shouldn’t […]
I don’t know. I’m suppose to be happy, I’m finally getting a full makeover this week on Thursday and Friday for saturday’s prom. i always wanted to be pretty, pretty enough for guys in school to stop saying how ugly i am behind my back or to my face. Pretty enough for me to have a guy look at me and say wow your pretty. Or at least pretty enough for me to actually have my first boyfriend, or even my first kiss. I want to be able to walk down the hallways with confidence and not  with my head down. I know that I’m […]
I wish you’d stop acting like this. I wish you’d stop breaking my heart and making me feel like the last thing left in this world I had to hold on to is slipping away. I wish that there was some way for me to get through to you, to make you see that you’re breaking my heart and destroying my spirit.
But you know, even if there were ways to accomplish these things… you still wouldn’t listen. You pick up things about me that even I miss, yet the most obvious emotions and damages you’re causing to me you rationalize away […]
Today I set a date for checking out. I’ve chosen a method but have to do a bit more research. I’m nervous about it since I’ve tried killing myself a few times before and have bad luck and am spacey. I seem to survive strange things, like getting hit by a truck going 60 mph (I wasn’t in a car, was on the side of the road). This was not a suicide attempt–the guy was on coke and ran the car off the road–but just something that happened. I’ve also survived a savage dog attack where I got over 70 puncture wounds, lost some use […]
I left my second marriage after my wife became so consumed by alcohol and pills that I couild not take the neglect and constant trampling of my spirit any longer. Every time something bad happened to us it was because I was a loser, yet she refused to participate in the marriage or any of the important decisions, setting me up for the blame if things dod not work out.
After leaving, I was found by my first wife, who had been the love of my life but had left me 20 years earlier for another man. She had tried to get back with me shortly […]
When I feel like this I rant here because, I dont have anyone else to turn to. And I guess people are trying to lift my spirit by saying you can be better and there’s hope and whatever. But the thing is I cant. Mostly because I dont want to. Also because I have tried and never succeeded. I dont want to be anything better than what I am right now: a worthless , disgusting whore. The only thing I want is death. And I dont want people ‘helping’ me and talking me out of it. Thats one of the main reasons I stopped seeing […]
I guess this is what complete sadness feels like…to be completely hopeless(hope is only magical thinking anyway). I know why I pushed my ex away in those last few days. But, I’ll never know when or why she decided to leave(she was “gone” before I pushed her away); everything is an assumption.
I know you said if it was true love then I’d do everything I could to find it again, even with someone else. But, do you remember what you said to me when you were separated from your wife and living with Friend B? You said you would never love anyone as much as […]
I had a dream on Wednesday, well more of a nightmare. I used to have that nightmare ever since I was very young. It was about voices. I never knew what they said, but their tone of voice was angered, even disappointed. They hate me, and I asked them why, but then on Wednesday night, after everyone slept, I laid in bed. I heard a long continuous beep and then the nightmare began.
Only, I hadn’t fallen asleep…
Those voices, which may as well be a replay of my dreams all the events that happened in that dream, every one of those nights replayed in my […]
It’s like the universe has left me, Without a place to go, Without a hint of light, To watch the movement glow, When our song was slowly starting, Your memory felt so real, At first against my will, But God invented chills….
by Nat....
written by Nat....
I told my friend, lydia about my ‘troubles’ earlier this year… and she showed me this poem. I thought it was amazing, so naturally I wanted to share it…. she will probably have a strong dislike towards me considering she told me I was the only one to read it….
“Hands shaking violently I open my soul.
I let my spirit pour out onto the carpet
And watch as it takes form.
It’s me, A little piece of me.
Every night I stand in front of the mirror
And see what I am.
What I hate.
What I have to change.
So I carve away to […]
Dance in the fire from the sky
The crimson raindrops burning alight,
Dripping down from the fire that is the sky.
Light the match and let it simmer,
Let it burn a hole through your heart.
Light the match and let it simmer.
Sit among the raindrops of flame,
Dripping down from the fire that is the sky.
Let it burn, burn, burn off her skin.
Rip her from the bone,
Set her dreams aflame,
As her spirit screams to the sky,
Which no longer exists .
She’s trapped, she’s trapped,
Burning her spirit not living,
Any longer,
Forever in Hell.
I don’t really know what to name this post. By the time I finish posting it’ll be past midnight. At night is when my mind is most active. I think about the same shit over and over and it continually replays in my head. I hate having memories. I have an excel one and I feel cursed by it. I just want to go back in time or start my life completely over. I’ve always felt this way. I can’t envision my future at all. It’s like it isn’t even there. I just wish I could get a break through. Just once i wish something […]
I feel like breaking down into hysterical sobs but I can’t because I have some semblance of a life to lead.
I’m so shocked that I’m here again, depressed and feeling antsy. I’ve been recording a lot of material the last few days and it’s been wonderful; I feel so proud that I was able to complete so much in such a short period of time, especially since I was raised to procrastinate. I’ve been satisfying my “artists spirit” and the hours just float by. I get really bad hunger cramps because I’m so focused on my shit that I skip dinner. Things have been going […]
Thank you, Lord!.
Thank you, Father!.
Thank you, God!.
You truly are the path of happiness and joy.
I have never in my life felt more happy than now at this very moment.
The darkness of the world confuses us, and makes us pursue earthly desires… money, vanity, lust, fame, food….
Lord break our chains to these sins. We have become slowly slaves to these earthly desires. We wallow in our sins, and we rationalize to ourselves that this is the way. That such pleasures that never fill but increase our void is what is right.
Lord break our chains to these sins. Let us break free. Slaves no more […]
When I registerd here I was seriously considering ending my life…I felt that I just could not go on anymore…my heart was broken, as well as my spirit. I had just finished crying my eyes out, and cursing God, why when he had the chance did he not take me…I had replayed are the hurtful things my husband has said to me over and over in my head…I also had just watch another amature video of him and his girlfriend post on the net…I watched and listened to all the things he said to her…and thats not the only one of them that he has […]
I’ve been trying to do better these past few days. It seems as though my underlying depression keeps tapping me on the shoulder, knowing when it can come back. Right when I think the world is good and dandy, something has to happen that crushes it.
My mother has been my rock for about a week now. She has helped me recover from my bulimia so much in these past few days that I feel like I can never pay her back. Shes kept a strong spirit about the whole situation, but yesterday she crumbled. I’ve so fucking stupid and selfish that I didn’t even realized how my […]
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