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School,, answer me this assholes :)

by caillte 4/2/2014

written by caillte

Thank you to the people who give me advice,, here on this site,, you have no idea how many times it has acted as some kind of wake up call,, but I think I should mention that I don’t reply because I don’t want to turn this into a facebook type feel,,, that probably wont make any sense to anyone but anyways… thank you- you know who you are…

Change starts from me and then we go from there,,, but what do you do when you keep relapsing into the old “suicide is the answer” routine,, its one that I seem to fall into quite easily,, […]

4/2/2014 2 comments

Sex and the suicidal

by KIRA 4/2/2014

written by KIRA

What do you think about sex?
Do you want it?
Do you satisfy your sexual desires?
Your sexual desires, are they bigger than your suicidal thoughts?

I personally think that sex is something really irrational and disgusting, at my age (17) I think I’ll never do it.Naturally, I have sexual desires but I refuse to satisfy them.I know I’m going against my nature.I have suicidal thoughts almost all the time, but eventually I suddenly start thinking about intercourse and for a moment I forget that my life is a crap…actually I think that life itself sucks.
I wish I were asexual.

4/2/2014 13 comments

Lamictal (Lamotrigine)

by morrs084 4/2/2014

written by morrs084

Hey.. so my doctor just put me on this a couple days ago. I’m not really sure what to think of it. It’s supposed to help me with my moods, but is primarily given for seizures (which i don’t have).

So far i’ve been very jittery and shaky on it.Â My anxiety is so high that i feel like i’m constantly having a panic attack ( how my heart feels).
I’m on a small dose to start.. 25mg.

Just curious if any of you have had any experience with this drug.. and what it’s done for you.. bad or good.

4/2/2014 3 comments

The pain I endur.

by anders87 4/1/2014

written by anders87

I do not know where to start.
my soul is like a single dark room. How can I escape this pain?
it empties all of the energy and desire to live. I do not know why everything in my life to be so negative? it’s like a tunnel with no light just me and myself, with no way to change, only a single path. in between I see a faint light shining faintly, only to discover that it is just a small crack in the wall before the track goes straight into the deep dark.

Is suicide the only resolution?? I have endured this pain for […]

4/1/2014 0 comment

End it..

by Sometimesibreak 3/30/2014

written by Sometimesibreak

I can’t do it. Every day that goes by the feelings get worse and worse. I’m trying so hard and then something happens and I need to start all over. I’m not happy. I want to be but I’m not. There’s so much going on in my life right now and I want it to go well but I constantly doubt myself. I feel trapped and alone and scared. I hate feeling this way. But I can’t even deny it anymore. I just don’t want to be here anymore. I want to just end it all.Â And these pills. They don’t help. I think I’ve Ben […]

3/30/2014 0 comment

what the fucking fuck?

by Kallian 3/30/2014

written by Kallian

Why the FUCK can’t my ex leave me alone? I check my cell after work to see if my mom called, and saw a voicemail. Naturally I thought it was my mom, calling to tell me that she was already there, waiting to pick me up. Nope. It was fucking Alex. This time he kept how he loved me, and he’s sorry for leaving me when I was ready to kill myself that night, and how he’s sorry for calling me a ***** ass ****. Then he started saying he loved me, and how it’s hard for him, and how he thought he should apologize […]

3/30/2014 29 comments

7 years of suicide attempts

by crystal 3/29/2014

written by crystal

I began having severe depression at 12 years old due to achieving an erection everytime I stood up. That lasted for 8 years til I was 20. Depression worsened after 2 years and when I was 14 I started having suicidal thoughts but I kept them to myself. Â I had so many suicidal thoughts over the next decade, it has to total in the 100,000s. Â I dropped out of high school due to having no energy to continue.

I went to college many years later. I had constant suicidal thoughts, every building I saw I saw myself jumping off of. Sometimes with myself set on fire. […]

3/29/2014 4 comments

Story of nobody

by i dont even know 3/29/2014

written by i dont even know

She sings a song from the start,
Lalala comes from the heart.

The pain and sorrow will not leave,
and she will not be able to believe.

She sits alone under a tree,
where no one can hear her misbelieve.

She hopes there is a reason for all,
as she slowly begins to fall.

As she falls the end will start,
Lalala leaves from the heart.

3/29/2014 0 comment

Why is depression such a relationship killer?

by k2fraser 3/25/2014

written by k2fraser

Why is depression such a relationship killer? If I want a successful relationship am I just supposed to hideÂ the depressionÂ completely? Past experience has shown me that this seems to be the only option. The problem being is that as you start getting comfortable around someone the shiny faÃ§ade starts to slip and reveals the ugliness underneath.

Iâ€™ve tried letting them know ahead of time. That I suffer from depression. For the most part the meds manage it, but there will days where it gets through. â€œSureâ€, they say, â€œeverybody gets down once and while, no worries.â€ But when they actually see it, they learn that itâ€™s […]

3/25/2014 11 comments

Sleep Apnea

by k2fraser 3/24/2014

written by k2fraser

So, Iâ€™ve been diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. I was pretty sure I was suffering from this most of my life, just never bothered to get it checked. Why did I finally get it checked out? Out of love, but I donâ€™t want to think about thatâ€¦

75 apneas an hour. 30 is the threshold for severe apnea, so I have like super duper severe apnea. The doctor was surprised when he first saw me. He only sees that severe of apnea in the very obese, and Iâ€™m in no way a big guy.

Turns out I have abnormally large tonsils, so Iâ€™m probably going to have […]

3/24/2014 3 comments

for fuck’s sake

by Kallian 3/24/2014

written by Kallian

just want to be left alone. Just want people to stop coming up to me, stop giving me attitude. I just want to go to bed.

3/24/2014 1 comment

I don’t realize when people are messing with me

by KIRA 3/23/2014

written by KIRA

I act strange, well… I understand philosophy, quantum physics and things like that, but I think the other people are harder to get.
I dunno, I think the other people act strange too.
Most of them are mean, arrogant and harsh.For example, if somebody’s got a big spot on the nose, they wouldn’t think twice to mock him or her.If somebody is overweight they’d start bullying.And so on…
I’m so dumb sometimes…
Once a girl “befriended” me and we used to talk about everything, she said things about me but I couldn’t notice she was actually insulting me, she was just having fun, laughing at […]

3/23/2014 14 comments

ASSHOLES. THEY’RE EVERYWHERE

by Kallian 3/19/2014

written by Kallian

especially at work. I was talking to my friend who’s a cashier, and I ended up telling him that a friend of mine said I should start dating again. Apparently my ex was listening in and now he’s all sad and pissy with me because he think’s I’m over him. I’m BEYOND over him. What I’m wondering is why he gets to have an opinion, when I wasn’t allowed to care that he kept telling me that the barista at the starbucks where we had our first date is hot, and how his friend in las vegas thinks he’s cute and wants to go and […]

3/19/2014 8 comments

longlost…

by KIARA 3/19/2014

written by KIARA

We are all upset,and maybe the reason behind it is we are alone.despite being there for people who didnt even deserved us,we stood by their back.and then like always we end up being alone,feeling betrayed and more then that frustrated.now days its more of a pattern a person is in your life maybe a friend,boyfriend but they all seem to leave after a certain point of extent.everytimg seems exciting n fulfilling in its start but it always has a bad end.this bad ending has made todays life a living hell….we all want infact need just one person who is true.it doesnt needs to be a […]

3/19/2014 12 comments

by benna 3/17/2014

written by benna

I have been with Antonella for a couple of months, we laughed and exchanged opinions, she was very smart and at times i used to confess her something about myself..I asked her to be more intimate, she refused. She said no. I’m too fucked up in the head, she wouldn’t be right, i “need a special person”.

This thing haunts me. It haunts me. I can’t stay, i can’t sleep. She liked me. I swear my fucking balls she liked me. What is wrong, what is wrong, what

wrong with me and the people like me

3/17/2014 6 comments

Depression Is 25ft.

by CrimsonDream 3/16/2014

written by CrimsonDream

Imagine :

your at the beach only you , you walk through the sand and turn to the ocean staring off into the horizon.

you feel this pull towards the ocean so you start walking in;

3ft. Calm cool collected staring at the beautiful sunset

6ft your paddling slowly wading in the water staring at the sunset still.

10ft your getting closer to the sunset seeing its beauty.

14ft you think how your getting back.

17ft you realize you can’t see the shore anymore.

19ft you wanna go back but you can’t you don’t know […]

3/16/2014 3 comments

Vater

by Ignorance 3/16/2014

written by Ignorance

I just hope you still love me

After all of the catastrophe

We were once companions, I believe

I never thought I would cause you to grieve

I miss you, and I love you

I just hope you love me too

I remember the mornings you came […]

3/16/2014 0 comment

I hate you

by ClairDeLune 3/16/2014

written by ClairDeLune

Yes, you’re the person I hate most of all the people in this world. I hate you because you ruined my life where you had the chance to make me the happiest man alive. I hate you because you make me cry every day instead of drying my tears. I hate you because you make me remember all the bad moments and decisions in my life instead of helping me to forget and start anew. I hate you because you hurt the ones I love most instead of making them smile. I hate you because you only think of yourself instead of others. I hate […]

3/16/2014 3 comments

Fight the bad feeling! Always smile… I can do it … Fighting!

by snowflake 3/14/2014

written by snowflake

I’m not living, I’m just surviving… =_=”

Iâ€™m tired of being sad. Iâ€™m tired of crying. Iâ€™m tired of feeling empty inside. Iâ€™m tired of feeling worthless. Iâ€™m tired of feeling stuck. Iâ€™m tired of feeling crazy. Iâ€™m tired of being alone. Iâ€™m tired of yelling. Iâ€™m tired of pretending. Iâ€™m tired of dreaming of a life I will never have. Iâ€™m tired of missing things. Iâ€™m tired of missing people. Iâ€™m tired of remembering. Iâ€™m tired of wishing I could start all over. Iâ€™m tired of not being able to just let go. Iâ€™m tired of faking it. Iâ€™m tired of being different. Iâ€™m tired […]

3/14/2014 4 comments

I gave up…

by Engeltje 3/11/2014

written by Engeltje

So I haven’t been here on SP for 1,5 month I guess. It’s because I’m doing really bad. In that time I quitted school, had an intake with 2 mental health institutions, going to start therapy next week, got a cat (it’s really a sweetheart and I’m so glad my parents agreed with a pet), and yeah, the only thing I do is sleeping and sitting. Not going outside anymore, see nobody. Actually I have no life anymore. And the thing is: I don’t give a f*cking shit, I don’t care.

Last week, I grabbed my knife and started to cut, made a cut on […]

3/11/2014 2 comments

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