Another terrible day, I can’t take it any longer… it’s been 3 years since I started taking medicine to heal my fucked up mind, i’ve tried so hard to recover from depression and self-harm but they are stronger than me… I don’t want to fight anymore
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stronger
been a long time since i have suicidal thoughts going on through my mind . it seems like getting stronger each day . the scars on my wrist are getting deeper and deeper each day . and each day , I’m hating myself even more . every day i questioned myself why am i even alive . i just wished i can be died . be dead by losing a lot of blood or even eating a lot of pills so i overdosed . my life couldn’t get any worser . why am i alive . why is my life like this . i just […]
This is ridiculous, I know it’s not supposed to be easy or simple. But I’m just too tired to do this anymore, I don’t have anything left in me.
I physically feel like gravity is getting stronger by the day. I keep thinking about the bridge. About the feeling of falling, how it feels to know it’s finally over and it can’t be stopped. To feel the world pull me down. The air blocking all the noise around me. But the one thing I always wonder, should I jump forward and watch the water get closer or backwards and watch the sky get further.
This is my first ever post. But I was desperate for some help because I don’t know how much longer I can go on. For many years I have off and on considered giving up and ending my life. And lately the need and want for giving up is growing stronger. Some mornings it is just hard to get up and out of bed. I live with my boyfriend, who does not take suicide very seriously and only thinks it is stupid and what weak people do. I have a hard time talking to him about it. He asked me to be stronger. I don’t […]
Hey guys .. I haven’t been on since January or the beginning of February . I’ve been so busy with my job .
Let’s just say my life has dramatically changed in the past few months . I got a new job and have been making good money , and met a whole new set of friends . I never thought my life could change so quickly . I was doing really well but I feel like I’ve been slipping off into my depressed state again. But it’s not as bad as before.
I realized a lot about my self over the past few months . I’ve […]
There have been so many times when my brain fails me. If I try to function like a normal human being and actually make a connection with someone, my brain won’t let me. If I try to change my environment or take a step in the right direction, there is blockers again.
Idk of its anxiety or just feeling of powerlessness but I feel trapped within myself. Like there is an internal cage that has always been there in my life but it only gets stronger has it takes control over more and more of my life.
People say there is help out there but I doubt […]
I never stood a chance. I think of his depression as ‘the other woman’. She had the prior claim and has the stronger hold over him. She makes him ignore me and treat me like shit. I no longer know how to reach him. He said he loved me once, now I’m lucky if he can even bear to look at me. I am rejected and broken. It’s been this way for nearly two years. I thought I was winning, I thought he was mine.
He’s not mine, he never was. She got there first and will never go away. I hate her. But I’ll […]
They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I say that whatever doesn’t kill you makes you try harder.
Recently the depression has really been picking up and the desire to just end everything has gotten so much stronger.. I’ve been thinking a lot about the consequences of suicide and just feeling awful about it.
It’s like bang – gone – no more pain – rebirth or silence but at least escape – but then the thoughts of my family at my funeral, the friends who I have made future promises too, people I love and know I would hurt… Why does an act that ultimetely reflects a life long struggle and is truly personal have such a ripple effect? Why can’t I end my […]
A couple of months ago, my friend gave me a leftover patch of fentanyl for free. He did warn me about how easy it was to overdose, and told me to only take a small square (about 2cm by 2cm) due to the strength. I could say I was unprepared, but I looked it up on erowid and knew somewhat what I was getting into. I knew it was strong and instead of scaring me to it, it drew me closer. I was extremely depressed at the time, and instead of waiting for when I was in the right headspace, I took it to escape.
In […]
This urge is getting stronger yet my family doesn’t understand why I try to fight it. So what if I’m “useless” by not driving, would crashing into a traffic pole be better? Time after time, I’ve proven I would let everyone drown while watching… Friends, family, every single person… If being human means being empathetic than I’m not human. I’m a monster and I’m done repressing it. Not that I was ever good at repressing it… To be honest, I don’t understand why anyone would be sad at my death. Sorry, everyone. I just needed to vent very badly today.
In less psychopathic news, Alan Rickman […]
Pain (left side chest.)
Again energy less.
And yeah my thoughts. Crazier than ever. ( my emotions are on roller coaster.)
The wrost, just experienced the extreme pain in my knees. Unable to stand on my feets.
But I have hope. I’m stronger than ever. Cause I never thought I would survive this much of craziness. Thank to my soul mate. She makes everything so easy. Her presence can change me to this 🙁 into 🙂 .
I cant shake this feeling of patheticness that lives within in me, its like a cancer that has grown to occupy and associate itself with so much of my thoughts. I cant look at something simple and not have it trigger these self defeating and narcissistic thoughts.
Everything feeds it and makes it grow, stronger and stronger. It has gotten to the point where it effects everything I do, every conversation I have, every task that I have to go through to live my life.
Is someone had a disease that the doctor could see in a scanner and see that it has spread so much, they […]
Sometimes I feel dissociated from life. I am consumed yet still apart from sadness or anger or depression, like I’m treading in the middle of the ocean, watching the giant crests and seeing nothing but blue and overwhelming emptiness.
My dad started drinking again after a period of forced sobriety due to drunk hospital visits. I found out by being stopped in the stairs of the apartment building and warned that he was passed out for several hours and had been drinking for several days. He had already been back to the hospital. His liver and pancreas and brain are all fucked up.
It’s like dealing with […]
It’s been months since I’ve had a drink and more than a year since I got off of morphine, but I need something now. Something stronger than the half bottle of whiskey I’ve got in the garage.
Say what you will, but self medication works better than anything else I’ve tried.
I’m wearing my mood likea weight around my neck.
Everyday it gets harder and harder to lift my head.
I keep trying to do the right thing for everyone involved in my life,
But everyday the pull to stay in bed gets stronger.
I wish there were words to cure my disease,
But instead it just festers inside me, slowly taking me over.
Time between breaths has become far too difficult.
I can hear my number, it’s being called.
So I had that dream again. You know – that dream of the last time you felt truly happy. You relive that past experience time and time again in your dreams. And you have this dream, and it’s so amazing, wonderful and happy. And then you start to wake up. And the happiness starts slipping away as you wake more and more. And the depression takes a stronger hold and screams, “Ha-Ha! FUCK YOU! That wasn’t real! IT’S ALL GONE!” So you want to sleep, but can’t because “that dream” might happen again. So sweet, and yet so devastating.
Yup. Been there my friend.
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